Question?
Question?
- Thread starterLeosha
- Start date
Look around this site, think of all the guys that come here - even look back through the old posts - and I can't think of many men who come here that were dragged of the street and violently raped by the dirty old man that most people associate with sex abusers.
The men here seem to be ones who were groomed by someone they trusted and then abused.
I know some of us did suffer violence, and what happened was rape. But it was mainly by people who SHOULD have cared, loved and been trusted by us.
And I think that just adds to our problems. We showed trust and had it broken. We had expectations of these people, and they broke them too.
All our natural guidelines for dealing with people who should have been good to us were shattered, so it's no wonder that have trouble as adults.
I think that victims and survivors of a random sex attack possibly don't have those problems - at least not to the extent we do.
But obviously they have a different set of problems.
Dave
The men here seem to be ones who were groomed by someone they trusted and then abused.
I know some of us did suffer violence, and what happened was rape. But it was mainly by people who SHOULD have cared, loved and been trusted by us.
And I think that just adds to our problems. We showed trust and had it broken. We had expectations of these people, and they broke them too.
All our natural guidelines for dealing with people who should have been good to us were shattered, so it's no wonder that have trouble as adults.
I think that victims and survivors of a random sex attack possibly don't have those problems - at least not to the extent we do.
But obviously they have a different set of problems.
Dave
Mike Church
Registrant
Dave:
As someone who was raped by strangers I can offer some insight into this. What happened was with strangers to me. Did it affect me?? Of course it did! ut in a way I was set up for it by the violence perpetrated on me by most males on both sides of my family. Set up but not identified. Mine was a purely random thing that happened and continued. At least I think it was random but I will never know.
For me, I think, it was easier that they were strangers. I have lately found memories of being abused sexually by my mother's youngest brother, who was some 6 years older than I am. He is now deceased and to be honest because I did not remember it had little if any influence on me. To have been betrayed by someone you trust and possibly love or look up to would, in my opinion, have been something I would not have been able to deal with at all. I think that is particularly terrible. To me that is the ultimate betrayal.
But I do think that the abuse itself had a profound affect on my life and continues to do so.
As someone who was raped by strangers I can offer some insight into this. What happened was with strangers to me. Did it affect me?? Of course it did! ut in a way I was set up for it by the violence perpetrated on me by most males on both sides of my family. Set up but not identified. Mine was a purely random thing that happened and continued. At least I think it was random but I will never know.
For me, I think, it was easier that they were strangers. I have lately found memories of being abused sexually by my mother's youngest brother, who was some 6 years older than I am. He is now deceased and to be honest because I did not remember it had little if any influence on me. To have been betrayed by someone you trust and possibly love or look up to would, in my opinion, have been something I would not have been able to deal with at all. I think that is particularly terrible. To me that is the ultimate betrayal.
But I do think that the abuse itself had a profound affect on my life and continues to do so.
The bad people that we don't trust cannot hurt us. We always keep an eye on them and never allow them the opportunity to strike.
The good people that we trust are the only people that can hurt us. We don't watch them, because we trust them, therefore they have the opportunity to strike.
On the other side. With the bad people we don't trust, we cannot find joy and love. And with the good people we trust we can find the joy and love we desire and need.
So we need to learn to trust those good people to get the love we so deserve and desire.
Bill
The good people that we trust are the only people that can hurt us. We don't watch them, because we trust them, therefore they have the opportunity to strike.
On the other side. With the bad people we don't trust, we cannot find joy and love. And with the good people we trust we can find the joy and love we desire and need.
So we need to learn to trust those good people to get the love we so deserve and desire.
Bill
Dave you realy hit the mark for me on this.
Mike
Bill
Leosha
Muldoon
It has just been in the last few weeks that I have come to understand how i was groomed by my Great Uncle to be open to later Abuse. It"s like all the PERPS work together to break us down one bit at a time.
Mike
Mike how can you say it had no influence on you, it could of had total influnce on you and the way other saw you. Your uncle could of groomed you in ways you had no control over. You could of been sending out vibes to PERPS and not even knowing it.
Bill
you are so right we trust so few
Leosha
We must always understand that betrayal is part of our lifes. It is so much easer for people to run from us then to stay and help.
Muldoon