Question for Christian Survivors
I talked in another post about the first time I shared with some friends about what happened. I told part of the story with a question here about another part of the story. At the end of our prayer time, my friends encouraged me to invite Jesus into the basement where it happened. I wouldn't. I couldn't. The eight year old boy in me doesn't want him to see that, doesn't want him to be disappointed. (I know that He is outside space and time and already saw it. But the 8 year old in my thinks if I don't invite him into that space he won't see what happened.) Anyway, I realized I feel betrayed by Jesus and his failure to stop it. When they invited me to talk to Jesus I exploded in anger hurling expletives at him.
I am reeling. After following Jesus for 35 years, I feel disconnected and untethered. I know he is the only one who can lead me through this but I don't trust him. We have hit a rough patch in our relationship but I am confident I will get to a better place with him...eventually. For now I am talking to the Holy Spirit. I realize they are the same thing but it is the best I can do.
I talked to my pastor who encouraged me to wrestle with why a good God allows evil to happen. So my question is this, for the followers of Jesus in this forum how have you wrestled with this?
I am reeling. After following Jesus for 35 years, I feel disconnected and untethered. I know he is the only one who can lead me through this but I don't trust him. We have hit a rough patch in our relationship but I am confident I will get to a better place with him...eventually. For now I am talking to the Holy Spirit. I realize they are the same thing but it is the best I can do.
I talked to my pastor who encouraged me to wrestle with why a good God allows evil to happen. So my question is this, for the followers of Jesus in this forum how have you wrestled with this?