Question: Bullied, picked out, victimized
Question: Bullied, picked out, victimized
- Thread starterLostnHell
- Start date
well that answers part of it, but I'm trying to figure out more along the lines of peers. More specifically like when I was in grade school and on up. It seemed kids pointed me out, victimized me more then say the average type of bullying stuff that goes on at that age. At times I was called / labelled sick and / or perverted. This came about from me saying / doing nothing related or provoking.
I mean one of the reasons I was picked on because kids said I was girlish. Just wonder if it could have been tied to my SA.
I mean one of the reasons I was picked on because kids said I was girlish. Just wonder if it could have been tied to my SA.
I suspect bullies rely on the same signs as any perp. they see a distressed kid that they can dominate, and they jump all over it. it is kind of like walking around with a big sign saying hey i'm the kind of kid that makes a good victim, and yes, i believe the abuse makes it even worse.
roadrunner
Registrant
LnH,
"Sending out signals" is probably too strong a term, but in a way it's the right idea. If I hurt my leg and begin to limp, others will notice. If I am sunburned and it hurts to have a shirt on, others may see that. But that doesn't make me guilty of anything and it doesn't give others the right to attack me, just because they can see I am vulnerable.
An abused boy may have been physically hurt by the abuse, so that it shows when he walks, for example. Or just the way he carries himself and relates to other boys may show that something is wrong. But that doesn't mean others have a right to step in and help themselves. The boy isn't doing anything wrong here.
Boys often blame themselves and look for reasons why it is all their fault, but they do that because they are confused or because abuse has left them feeling very bad about themselves.
The bottom line remains: abuse is 100% the fault of the abusers - the boy is NEVER to blame.
Much love,
Larry
"Sending out signals" is probably too strong a term, but in a way it's the right idea. If I hurt my leg and begin to limp, others will notice. If I am sunburned and it hurts to have a shirt on, others may see that. But that doesn't make me guilty of anything and it doesn't give others the right to attack me, just because they can see I am vulnerable.
An abused boy may have been physically hurt by the abuse, so that it shows when he walks, for example. Or just the way he carries himself and relates to other boys may show that something is wrong. But that doesn't mean others have a right to step in and help themselves. The boy isn't doing anything wrong here.
Boys often blame themselves and look for reasons why it is all their fault, but they do that because they are confused or because abuse has left them feeling very bad about themselves.
The bottom line remains: abuse is 100% the fault of the abusers - the boy is NEVER to blame.
Much love,
Larry
LNH,
I too have experienced what you are talking about. I could never figure it out when I was growing up why it was that kids always picked on me. I looked like them. Wore the same clothes as them. Ate the same food as them. Took the same classes as them. Yet they picked on me unmercifully at times.
Recently my therapist helped me to understand that the abuse I suffered prior to starting school caused me to not feel good about myself and the kids at school easily picked up on that lack of self confidence, self worth, and self esteem. They zeroed in on it like flies on sh*t. It's something that always happens and it happened to me.
Does any of this sound familiar? I think you are on the right track with your thinking. It's not like the abuse actually causes the bullying, but the poor sense of self that results from the abuse makes a boy a huge red bulls eye for bullying.
The hard think to remember is that no matter what, It is not the boy's fault. He's desperately trying to make the best of the crappy hand he's been dealt, but without the kind of help he needs form the grownups in his life it is really hard for him.
Safe hugs,
John
I too have experienced what you are talking about. I could never figure it out when I was growing up why it was that kids always picked on me. I looked like them. Wore the same clothes as them. Ate the same food as them. Took the same classes as them. Yet they picked on me unmercifully at times.
Recently my therapist helped me to understand that the abuse I suffered prior to starting school caused me to not feel good about myself and the kids at school easily picked up on that lack of self confidence, self worth, and self esteem. They zeroed in on it like flies on sh*t. It's something that always happens and it happened to me.
Does any of this sound familiar? I think you are on the right track with your thinking. It's not like the abuse actually causes the bullying, but the poor sense of self that results from the abuse makes a boy a huge red bulls eye for bullying.
The hard think to remember is that no matter what, It is not the boy's fault. He's desperately trying to make the best of the crappy hand he's been dealt, but without the kind of help he needs form the grownups in his life it is really hard for him.
Safe hugs,
John