Question and some thoughts...

Question and some thoughts...
J

Jaysen

Registrant
Wow there's a ton of information, stories, Q&A's out here! I never knew... I really never knew there was so much of it out there, it makes me sick and sad and so goddamn angry.

I'm not sure if I should be here or not.....
 
oh, this is exactly where you should be. the abuse takes many forms. for some, like me it feels small and unimportant compared to some of the things some of these men survived. i often felt kind of inadequate because i wasnt brutalized like some here, but you know what? abuse is abuse, and it effected me. i need this place as much as anyone, and you need this place just as much.
 
Thanks for saying that. From most of the things I'm reading it seems like the abuse for a lot of people was long term and happened in their childhood. Mine was niether. It was short term, over almost 4 days which seemed like 20 years and happened when I was 15 years old. I'm 20 now.

I understand and agree with what you say... about abuse being abuse. I just could never admit it before.

Jay
 
Glad you found this place, yes, there are so many questions and answers, its a massive jigsaw puzzle,

ste
 
mine happened over one summer when i was five or six, i know this because i was in kindergarden when it happened. mat never hurt me, and i actually enjoyed it quite a bit as it was happening. when i read of guys here being brutalized and tortured for years on end, it is hard not to feel like they were more abused than i was, and like they have more right to be here, like i wasnt abused enough to be struggling like i am. the bottom line is that i was molested, and that is what all this is about.

statistics show that when they can admit to it without anyone knowing who they are, that a quater of american women and about a fifth of american men were molested. more dont seek help for it than do. i suspect most just keep struggling through the best they can. stop and consider that number, think of five men you know. chances are, one of them was molested as a boy. that is overwhelming when you begin thinking about it.

what is awful is we are the ones walking around ashamed, and they should be. we carry the burden and keep it secrete, we bare the sin when it isnt ours. we shouldnt be ashamed of telling. they should be ashamed, but society places the stygma on us? that is just wrong, and it needs to change. that is why i am so open with my abuse. i shout from the roof, hoping maybe other men can find help and recovery by hearing that they arent alone.
 
Scary stats indeed!

I'm sorry that you were molested and again abuse is abuse, it shouldn't happen to anyone at any age, not once not a hundred times!

It seems like a lot of survivors blame themselves for what happened and to some extent I do too. I know I shouldn't.

I'm glad you mentioned that you enjoyed some of it. Can't say why right now although I'm sure it's no big secret here but... I'm just not
ready to admit that.

Jay
 
i grew up in a very unaffectionate home. i remember one thing that stands out most in my memories was how shocked i felt at being touched like that. all kids need affection. heck, not just kids; all people need intimacy and affection. when something comes along that is as intense and emotional as something sexual, there is bound to be some part of you that enjoys some part of that contact. i dont know that would be true for someone being really hurt, but for me it was very enjoyable in a way.
 
yes i agree it felt so good till it was time to do it to him ,i said no and any good feelings were over.also even when i was being really hurt my damn body still responded ,always.
 
Phoster, thanks for your posts, it's nice to know that there are people who can relate. It's also nice to know that I'm not really alone in this... that's how I've felt in the past 4 years, like I'm the only one.

Shadow - I'm so sorry...
How do you feel about that if I may ask... about your body responding even though you were being really hurt...

Thanks,
Jay
 
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