question about therapy

question about therapy
S

shadowkid

WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shado
does everyone have to have a therapist? where i live is very rural we only have one doctor local .it's about 100 miles to the nearest city ,there is a crisis place here but it is only for women . does it cost alot? don't know if i could talk to someone in person ,i know i couldn't look them in the eyes and talk. just talking here makes me ashamed of the things i had to do.
 
I did not wish to do therapy at first, and did not until I had been working at healing for some months. And sometime, even with thearpy, I could not look at her and talk, I would have to write things for her to read instead. I do think it helped a lot to help organize my mind. Not everone need it, but I think it is good help to many. I needed one who spoke my language, and it was to go on train 2 hours each way to go into the city to see her once a week, and it was expensive, both for her and the train. But for me, it was worth it.

andrei
 
Yeah, you kind of do. I'm not saying it has to be for years but you need that chance to verbally say it all, with your own words to another person. It's like transferring the pain to another person, but to that person it doesn't hurt because they are removed from it. It also helps in that the real emotion comes out. It even helps to say it out loud when you are by yourself. We can get so use to living in our own minds that its surreal. We are social beings that require others to grow. But anyway, I wouldn't run from it so quickly, you have just begun.
 
Shadow I posted this in your other post but It also belong here.


quote:
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it's funny but i talked about everything with the police ,i told all in court ,but it made me feel worse not better .does talking about it really help?
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Talking about this realy does help.
I am so angery with the system and how they have treated you.

You shoul;d of been given professional help back when you told at the age of 13. What the system did to you was a direct violeantion of your rights. The court should of given you the help of professional Therapy as so as the court case was over.

They should of never dropped the sexual abuse charges againest him. Now he doesn't even have to register as a SEX Ofender

I think that the state should have to pay for all the professional help you need now. I would try to look for a ADVCATE to work for you all all these issues.
See if there is a Victims Advcate in your state that can help you.

You have lots of rights and most of them where violented by the system.

If i can be of any help let me know.

You went through a hellish experence as a kid and the grownups that should of helped failed you in every way popssible.
Be Strong and let all your brother here help you on your HEALING jourany.
Tom
 
Shadow,

I have been both sad and furious to read your story. As Tom says, you were failed in every way it is possible to fail. Please do take Tom up on his offer of advice in dealing with the failures on the part of the legal system. He knows a lot about this and has personal experience. I agree with him. Every penny of the cost for helping you now should be provided by those who failed you in the past.

On therapists, a few things to bear in mind. Seeking professional help doesn't mean you are a failure or a nut case. It just means that sexual abuse is very damaging in all kinds of ways and recovery from it isn't a do-it-yourself project. The task of the therapist is to help you work on issues that are troubling you, guide you along, and provide insights from his or her professional experinece and knowledge. Recovery can be painful, and the therapist is there to help you find your way through the minefield without being blown up every step of the way.

It is important to find someone you can work with and whose methods suit you. There is advice on this from Ken Singer here on the site. I just looked for it now and can't find it, but it's around here somewhere.

On that helpful note ..... ;) let me say Shadow that you are safe here. We are all with you and will support you however we can. Please do believe that.

Much love,
Larry
 
Shadow,

Ditto on what's been said by others and just wanted to add one thing. In therapy I have the tendency to talk at the wall or window when its about something difficult. I'm sure that its more than half the time. If it was all the time it would be okay ... I'm paying for the session ... how I choose to communicate or not is my choice.

Courage-Wisdom-Spirituality
 
thanks guys when i'm ready i'll find a therapist , i guess how far i have to go won't matter if it helps . shadow
 
Shadow,

Like everything else, seeing a therapist has to come when you are ready. It doesn't matter how far you have to go, and although most of us are afraid when we first go, we quickly find out it's okay. The therapist will be understanding and will try to get you to know him/her and learn to trust again. It may be a long time before you even say a word about what happened to you. Your T will be alert to your feelings and will want to keep you feeling safe. You don't get dragged into talking about things that freak you out or make you feel ashamed. You will probably cry a lot, but that's okay. Contrary to popular bullshit, it is okay for men to cry.

Much love,
Larry
 
Shadow,

I just want to wish you courage as you continue to work through all the sh** that was dumped on you. Therapy for me has been a very positive experience. Yea, I cried for 2 solid hours during my first session and have cried many times since. Still, it has been very positive. It took me 5-6 months from the time I began remembering the bad things in my past till I had my first session with the T. I was too scared to go for fear it meant I was, to quote Larry, "a nut case".

Also I was just plain afraid to tell anyone. It was like if I said it out loud it would make it true. Strange how the human mind works. Here I was hardly able to function in life because of all the emotional pain and I'm afraid to talk about it because if I do it might make it true!

Anyhow, I went and the rest, as they say, is history. You too will work through this thing one step at a time, on your own time table. We will be here with you every step of the way if you want us to be.

Thanks again shadow, for the courage you show. It is an inspiration to all of us.

Love you Bro,

John
 
Shadow,

On this road we call recovery, you find road blocks and the like, it can be hard to find your way around, MS can help with that, it has helped me. Sometimes therapy is the thing that is really needed. It can help a person find their way around the blocks in the road like nothing else. You don't have to have a T, but they can sure make the road trip a lot easier.

Hang in there friend

Darrel
 
hey guys,i have a stupid question ,they all seem stupid to me because these are things a guy should know . but everybody says that they have cried at therapist ,does crying help get it out? in my story i told about my abuser teaching me not to cry ,is it normal to never cry ,i mean never ,i have not cried once since i showed my abuser that i could beat him in some little way .it meant so much to me it was my only way i could say to myself ,i beat him this one time is it in me so deep that i can never cry again ,it feels like i need to cry really bigtime !! at 14 the one friend i lived around long enough to like died ,we were best friends ,at his funeral i could not cry ,i wanted to but no tears ,the foster parents i was living with said it was not normal to show no emotion ,in the end they sent me back to detention because they said i scared them ,i was too detached from reality they said ,couldn't be trusted all because i never cried. it was a stupid question !
 
Shadowkid,

Many of us here have had trouble feeling any emotion at all except anger and fear.

Does crying help? Well, for me it sort of went hand in hand with talking about the abuse and aftermath of said abuse. We grow up in this world as boys and young men and are taught that crying is somehow not masculine or is wrong because it shows weakness. We are taught, or are forced to live life without tears as part of our birthright as men. Add that to our lack of any emotion I was able to express and I was a river of tears just waiting to break through the dam. I have found the tears to be very healing for some reason. Maybe there are others here who can explain it better than I. I just know that it is.

What I would say to you it this. Just keep working on whatever issues you feel comfortable discussing with us here at MS. Take whatever steps you need to whenever you feel ready whether if be talking to a Therapist or whatever. I suspect at some point the "bigtime" tears will happen and you may or may not like it when it happens, but when it is over you will feel such a sense of relief and comfort. Just keep taking those little steps and don't try to push it.

Be good to yourself Shadowkid,

Your Friend,

John

PS---And Shadow, there are no stupid questions here on MS :)
 
Hey Shadow,

Here is the sig line I told you I was going to tweek for you.

Hang in there my friend.

Darrel
 
Shadow
walking through a therapists door for the first time is as scary as hell, but walking out is just so good it's hard to explain.

That's how it was for me anyway.

Therapists and Counsellors are trained to listen and to deal with ANYTHING you tell them, I'm nearly fully trained as a Counsellor now so I know how it works from both sides.
You aren't going to look like some crazy who's just wandered in from the street, you're going to look like some guy who's strong enought to realise that he needs a bit of help.

And forget the old macho shit about men being strong and being able to deal with their problems alone, it's crap.
The very fact that you're here means that you're strong and want what's best for you.

When you're ready you'll know it. You might be shaking at the knees, but walk the walk and do it!

Dave
 
Shadow, I'll agree with Dave. He has good advise there. Spot on.

John
 
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