question about the future (triggers? i have no idea)

question about the future (triggers? i have no idea)
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demonboi

Registrant
ive been thinking about this for some time and decided to post it. ive read a lot of posts about people forgetting about what happened to them and now at an older age they're remembering it all.

will that happen to me? will it happen to the kids of the board or anywhere? are we going to forget and have the memories resurface? or at age 34 are we going to have already dealt with it?

im very confused and worried about the future. sorry if this has already been a topic.
 
I think you're situation is unique in that you are dealing with it while you are still quite young, which is great. Much better than dealing with it later in life. I can't speak for anyone but me, but in my case I tried to put these things away from my everyday thinking in hopes they would heal themselves. That was 15-20 years ago. Obviously, this method did not work. Things are different these days in that you have a resource that wasn't available when I was your age. To me, the only reason your memories would go away later in life is because you are dealing with the pain associated with them today.
 
I agree with Former Texan that I can only speak for myself.

I agree, also, that you and the other teens who post here are in a unique position. You ARE lucky (I know it doesn't feel that way) that you are dealing with the issues right now. When I was a kid (back in the stone age 1950s ) the resources that you have today just weren't available at the time. AND it was a much more secretive time where "that kind of stuff" was swept under the carpet - don't let the neighbors know. I literally had no one to turn to... therefore, my mind blocked it all out because it was too painful.

You, Charlie and Kev seem to be fully aware of everything and the truly fortunate thing is that you're getting help NOW. Most of us had to wait until there was a "trigger" to bring back the memories.

I know that it stinks right now having to deal with it, but in the long run, you are well on your way to being healthier adults.

SD
 
I agree with the other two. For me at least the reason I did not remember was because I blocked out the memory so that I would not have to deal with the pain. It is only now 20 years later that I am dealing with these demons.

I would not say that you are lucky because what happened to you and everyone else here is not lucky. I would say, however, that you have the possibility to heal your wounds when they are still fresh and that is a real opportunity because they heal cleaner and cause less problems later on.

You shouldn't worry about the future but concentrate on healing your self now. Our future is based on our actions now. If I had not buried my pain and emotions away when I was young I would of had them to use my whole life. Instead I am only starting now to understand and use them.

Continueing with your healing process now will give you the best future you can possibly have.

There is a saying:

Don't worry about the future, concentrate on the present and let the future worry about you.

Jonathan
 
Well, im one of the guys who "forgot", and i think i can explain why, and why it wont happen to you.

When i was raped i had nobody to turn to, i dont remember what he told me to ensure my silence but i obviously didn't think i could tell my parents, so i was left to fight it out on my own, which was just not possible, it hurt too much.
People where allways there to give me a scape-goat, "Why are you so sad? are you getting teased at school?", i could allways push the real problem away and blame it on lesser problems, so my secret woulden't get out, and i actually never had to work with it.. it was just there, and feeling like living hell became normal to me, it was there every day, it was just how i felt.

The brain cant let trauma like that stick around, its too painfull, its too damaging, so if you dont work on it it gets repressed, forgotten, i had no way to work on it, nobody to talk to, and it was too painfull for me to try on my own, so it went out of sight, into my subcontious where it was storred till later in my life.

You on the otherhand, are working on it, and have found people to talk to, an outlet, so no, you should not go through the repressing-and-remebering-later cycle, because you are dealing with it, i was not, i was pretending it wassen't there.
 
Demonboi - I think it's a bit like nettles growing in a garden - you know the stinging type (I'm presuming that it's not just us in the UK/England that have these).

When you first see a shoot growing from the soil, if you pull it up (deal with it) straight away, then it's less likely to cause further problems. *If you don't wear a glove to protect yourself, it may sting a little.

If it's not dealt with straight away, then the roots start travelling underground (hidden trauma) and those stinging stalks start appearing all over the garden when you least expect them too. You can chop them down, but sometimes they just grow back bigger and stronger - you need very strong gloves to pull them out, and you'll also need a spade..even then there will be roots left behind that could grow again. Then you have to pour weed killer on them (drink, drugs, tranquilisers).

You're dealing with it early - that gives you the best chance!

Best wishes ...Rik
 
I'm not dealing with it in the best ways I can or probably should be. I guess I'm realizing more and more how much I'm like you all (the grown ups) in the fact that I do stupid things to deal with it. I'll admit Ive done drugs, I cut and I've gotten shitfaced on more than one occasion.

I guess this is sort of my confession post, to break free of whatever image that showed me as a "Little angel" ive ever had.

Sorry.

Nyjah
 
Nothing to appologice for, hell knows i have done and still do stupid things, like drinking even though im on meds..
 
Hiya Demonboi,

I think the main idea is u forget stuff that happened cos u cant talk about it.

Theres a lot of guilt in all this yeah? & b4 we tell somebody or come here we think it was all out fault & our abuser tells us that 2. So what do we do? Drink, get into drugs, cut, whatever. I did every steep drug u can name & i didnt care if it was really dangerous. Drank too. I never been a cutter dont know why. I sometimes coped by runnin away.

Did u read the letter Charlie & me wrote 4 the 8th grade boys? There we say just look & think if i do this is it gonna be better tomorrow or am I still gonna be in the same shit as now? If its not gonna help u, then forget it.

Drugs & drinkin can mess u up a lot dog. Dont think yr alone cos yr not. Its not yr fault u just got to tell somebody u trust & get safe.

Kev
 
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