question about medical things

question about medical things
N

newground

Chat Moderator
Staff member
hey guys i know i post to no end about this stuff but i have to expect that the anxiety about doctors and all that goes with them affects some others here. Tomorrow i have to meet and interview a new primary care doctor. so i have a couple questions. 1) how do i talk to him about being a survivor and the anxiety that is driving me nuts about having to re do all this doctor stuff. I really dont want to reveal my soul until I know more about Him. and 2) how do I explain why I am cut and scratched from head to toe... the idea of going to see them makes my skin crawl. it was bad enough before when I had some idea what to expect but now my head is spinning with possibilities, and I scratch even when I am seeing it and my mind says enough the dissociation takes a minute to break free. So how do you guys handle the physical stuff at the docs ?
 
why do you have scratches?

I do not have dr anxiety.
 
newground said:
hey guys i know i post to no end about this stuff but i have to expect that the anxiety about doctors and all that goes with them affects some others here. Tomorrow i have to meet and interview a new primary care doctor. so i have a couple questions. 1) how do i talk to him about being a survivor and the anxiety that is driving me nuts about having to re do all this doctor stuff. I really dont want to reveal my soul until I know more about Him. and 2) how do I explain why I am cut and scratched from head to toe... the idea of going to see them makes my skin crawl. it was bad enough before when I had some idea what to expect but now my head is spinning with possibilities, and I scratch even when I am seeing it and my mind says enough the dissociation takes a minute to break free. So how do you guys handle the physical stuff at the docs ?
Click to expand...

Hi new, I want to share what my current doc has been like. He's younger, maybe near mid 30's, possibly closer to 40? That's something I was glad about, he's not too young for me, and I would have tried for a new one if he, or she, were over mid 50's. Why? perhaps you're not thinking that? This age thing for me has come from a perception, a bias I'm holding onto, and that's, as I grew up, older docs were far less inclined to listen to me, maybe because they were of the kind that thought they knew best? I think this was trickier, because I didn't get back to seeing docs until about mid 30's. Most of my youth was without doc appointments, just occasional as needed. The schools gave us our shots.

So, my point above has been a bias, I admit it, I want those who've been into the newer science and ideas. My younger doc has been trauma trained, I asked him. I came out and asked "Are you trauma trained?". I could get a sense of what that question may have caused a reaction, and he was calm, and pensive, sort of waiting to see if I wanted to add anything. I think it was about 3 months later that I really trusted him, and told him that I was raped at 16, and I deal with ptsd from it. I explicitly told him this was to be between he an I, and no-one else, nor records are to be made. He promised, and since then, it's been a lot easier to see him. He's been patient if I don't want to be touched below the waist, and he's not done a complete physical these 1st 3ish years. I am due for one in late Oct. He did give me pass on the first 2 years, and didn't require anything more than the basic and blood tests. I like him. He listened, and he's been active to ask how I'm doing? He was also very aware of my depression, and helped me add a med that's really helped me. I hope this is of some use, I wish you peace.
 
hey NC
the scratching is at least in part because of the anxiety. I thought i had this bull by the horns in terms of management but when I last had my yearly physical which always left me feeling gross anyway. The doctor was preparing for the more invasive parts he said to me "are you ok with her staying" I froze of course and couldn't speak but HE KNEW IT WAS A PROBLEM. i had told him before i was abused and even seeing him was not comfortable. so when he saw the terror in my face he said " well she's not here to watch!" and he went ahead with his exam pronouncing what he thought for the record or whatever. it was like being a kid all over again. I didnt go back for my three month, 4 month and on and on I did finally see him because I was running out of meds and he was pissed " i HAVE TO see you every three months" so I was supposed to have my yearly back in may but he sent a letter in april saying that he was closing the practice and he sent my records to some other doctor. that was not going to work for me so i have not been back sence then. and now trying to make this all happen again is terrifying. the thought makes my skin crawl . I have begun seeing my T again but that seems unproductive so far. i didnt tell him all this because honestly i didnt tie the two together... seems pretty dumb.

ceremony man I have felt the same thing wantng a younger doc but pickins are pretty slim around here. i dont have a lot of hope for the appointment tomorrow if he begins to ask too much or ...whatever I may just bolt. certainly not ready for any kind of physical exam...
 
Hey new, is it a bit colder where you are? Long sleeves, and gloves? I scratched a long time ago, and those are still there for my remembrance, yuh know?

I empathize with the scratching, and I was in a very bad way last year, all my old coping ideas ran through my head, and scratching began. I was rubbing hard. So, I get you, I know that coping with anxiety without something to even the raw edges out (a med) hasn't worked for me. I have read that some guys went cold turkey on meds, and I can understand that too. I slowly got back on mine after about 8 years or so off. This part of me was too much for my older body. I deal with a ton of tension all the time, so I need relief from anxiety. You've not noted if you take anything, or recall something worked for you in the past? That would be a good opener question. To ask about help with anxiety, and maybe an opening will present itself to ask if he's trauma informed/trained?

Just ideas my friend. This is a no added pressure response to you. Ok?
 
I may try the med route again, but not tomorrow. I need to size him up and see how safe. I agree that it is harder as we get older but last time got involved with psychiatrists and all and THAT is a whole other story ! I appreciate the no pressure comment too man this is a battle all on its own i am trying so hard not to see him as the enemy before I even meet him
 
Really sorry this is all so hard. Sexual trauma really does a number on us... each in our own way of course. Blessedly, I don't have anxiety with doctors but until last visit I'd never mentioned being sexual abused when I was a boy. I did say that at my annual check up and the doctor, whom I've know for many years was very kind. I understand this situation is very different and that you will want to protect yourself as best as you can. It really is okay to say no if something feels off to you. I'm glad you brought these feelings to the board so you can get support. I hope you'll come back after the meeting tomorrow to release it all. Men here will support you through this.
 
My first few docs were actually pretty respectful when I told them. They would announce to me when they were going to touch or move in a certain way. I appreciated that. As of October 8th, I turn 65. I left my present medical group because now I'm on Medicare and a supplement which I can afford isn't taken by the former med group. I am to locate a new primary care doc and start again (I had the previous med group since 1990). I am not going to say anything at our "meet & greet", but when we are doing an exam I will explain right away. If he can't or doesn't get it, I can move on to a different doctor - the pickin's ain't quite so slim here, but there is a limit......
 
hey guys it wasnt bad, the place had a bit of an old fashioned feel but the doc reflects that as well. he asked me about the relationship with my mom and dad which was odd but i had mentioned about anxiety from abuse so maybe that was why. still his comment was basically my thought about it is you have to move on from that stuff... :( more get over it. I expect that future problems are on the horizon but at this point i need to have a primary care and at least it's done. once I can get back on track it may be that i have to post again... why is this so hard ?
 
Glad you got through it without being triggered in any way... so life goes on. And, of course, there is no need to "get over it" as far as we're concerned. We ARE getting over it, but not by pushing it under a rug...
 
Each time I have had to disclose, I went through the same apprehension. I still do. Because a couple of them pooh-poophed the whole thing, making me feel small and unbelieved. Glad it worked out for you, New.
 
I have female doctors. I have prostate cancer and I went as far a getting a female urologist. There is such a thing. But she was out of my network and I ran back down to my neck of the woods when they told me I had cancer. I had to go to the city for her.

Getting a diagnosis with the C word in it changed things. I got a lot less squeamish. Even in the urology department and it doesn't get much more physical or personal than what I've done recently.

So I have a male urologist/surgeon now. I like him. The first urologist was male I didn't like him, he said cancer and I had not been properly warned I was going to hear that. I didn't tell him anything. The 2nd was female I liked her but the trouble it caused me seeing her and the bad news made me leave her. The third was male. He did a biopsy which was horrible. I told him. (Disclosed) He had an appropriate reaction. He didn't however warn me what the biopsy would be like, (I wouldn't have done it). This last one? I'm over it.
 
Hi newground

My Doctor that I had had for decades retired and sold his practice to another doctor so I had no choice. After a couple of years of not getting anywhere with him, I felt it was a waste of my time going there I went for prescriptions and that was it. Then I was getting to a point that I needed proper care.

I wrote a letter and pointed out all my grievances and that I felt I was not getting the care I deserve. Then I went to my next appointment I put the letter on his deck and sat down. I think he could see my Anxiety was through the roof. He read the letter and then read it again. What he did next changed our relationship he closed his laptop and rolled around his desk and started to have a personal conversation with me and when I left his office I felt like I had been heard, I had his email address and cel # and told to call anytime if I need him. Which was the same relationship I had with my last doctor who I went to school with as kids. The relationship is still good and I feel he has my best interest at heart.

I was a hard few years to get through I am glad I wrote the letter to him and explain how I feel about going to the doctor and I think he believed and respected me from that point forward. He ended up acting as a Psychologist until we found somewhere for me to go so he knows about a lot of my past now. It was hard to tell him but I am glad I did as he is always thoughtful in the manner he touches me. They do prostate exams while having colonoscopies I get them every couple of years and get a PSA test every year.

Take good care

I am glad to hear the appointment went no so bad. I feel sick or get sick before some appointments anxiety is bad around medical and mental health appointments.
 
newground said:
hey guys i know i post to no end about this stuff but i have to expect that the anxiety about doctors and all that goes with them affects some others here. Tomorrow i have to meet and interview a new primary care doctor. so i have a couple questions. 1) how do i talk to him about being a survivor and the anxiety that is driving me nuts about having to re do all this doctor stuff. I really dont want to reveal my soul until I know more about Him. and 2) how do I explain why I am cut and scratched from head to toe... the idea of going to see them makes my skin crawl. it was bad enough before when I had some idea what to expect but now my head is spinning with possibilities, and I scratch even when I am seeing it and my mind says enough the dissociation takes a minute to break free. So how do you guys handle the physical stuff at the docs ?
Click to expand...
this is what happens when im at my therapists office...
I used to have a handle on things like this... whoops, not anymore.
 
newground said:
hey NC
the scratching is at least in part because of the anxiety. I thought i had this bull by the horns in terms of management but when I last had my yearly physical which always left me feeling gross anyway. The doctor was preparing for the more invasive parts he said to me "are you ok with her staying" I froze of course and couldn't speak but HE KNEW IT WAS A PROBLEM. i had told him before i was abused and even seeing him was not comfortable. so when he saw the terror in my face he said " well she's not here to watch!" and he went ahead with his exam pronouncing what he thought for the record or whatever. it was like being a kid all over again. I didnt go back for my three month, 4 month and on and on I did finally see him because I was running out of meds and he was pissed " i HAVE TO see you every three months" so I was supposed to have my yearly back in may but he sent a letter in april saying that he was closing the practice and he sent my records to some other doctor. that was not going to work for me so i have not been back sence then. and now trying to make this all happen again is terrifying. the thought makes my skin crawl . I have begun seeing my T again but that seems unproductive so far. i didnt tell him all this because honestly i didnt tie the two together... seems pretty dumb.

ceremony man I have felt the same thing wantng a younger doc but pickins are pretty slim around here. i dont have a lot of hope for the appointment tomorrow if he begins to ask too much or ...whatever I may just bolt. certainly not ready for any kind of physical exam...
Click to expand...
I have a problem with excoriation also. Even when I was younger my parents would constantly ‘STOP SCRATCHING/PICKING’. It’s an anxiety disorder. It’s been somewhat under control for me over the past year. I think my meds are helping with it.

I had a sponsor at a 12 Step Group who was a physician (recovered sex addict). I asked him something similar and he said ‘Yes, tell him. It’s the only way he can know to treat you properly.”
 
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