question about Acting out
Tryingtolive
Registrant
Is acting out your abuse a real thing.?
question about Acting out
- Thread starterTryingtolive
- Start date
there are a couple of ways to take this question.
one is about "acting out" in general. that refers to doing something that is not good for you (and may be harmful to others) - possibly in an almost compulsive way. the activity may range from something relatively innocuous, such as viewing pornography or masturbation - to something potentially quite dangerous - like one-time hook-ups with strangers. some of these actions may be more emotionally or psychologically harmful - or harmful to other relationships - than they are physically damaging. there may be some connection between the original abuse and the acting out - but it may not be an exact parallel or have an obvious similarity. however, the abuse seems to be the motivating force behind the acting out.
then there is the "re-enacting" of abuse - where the survivor unconsciously or consciously tries to re-create the same details - or significant selective features of the abuse - such as the setting or submitting to another person of a similar appearance, age, etc. in this case, the triggering event is very clearly echoed in the form of acting out. again - it may be a strong compulsion that is hard to resist.
in both instances - my answer is: YES - it is (or can be) a very real thing. i think many if not most of us have some degree of experience with one or the other. and both can be devastating to both the survivor and to anyone close to him.
is this something you are struggling with - or maybe that someone you know doubts is possible?
Lee
one is about "acting out" in general. that refers to doing something that is not good for you (and may be harmful to others) - possibly in an almost compulsive way. the activity may range from something relatively innocuous, such as viewing pornography or masturbation - to something potentially quite dangerous - like one-time hook-ups with strangers. some of these actions may be more emotionally or psychologically harmful - or harmful to other relationships - than they are physically damaging. there may be some connection between the original abuse and the acting out - but it may not be an exact parallel or have an obvious similarity. however, the abuse seems to be the motivating force behind the acting out.
then there is the "re-enacting" of abuse - where the survivor unconsciously or consciously tries to re-create the same details - or significant selective features of the abuse - such as the setting or submitting to another person of a similar appearance, age, etc. in this case, the triggering event is very clearly echoed in the form of acting out. again - it may be a strong compulsion that is hard to resist.
in both instances - my answer is: YES - it is (or can be) a very real thing. i think many if not most of us have some degree of experience with one or the other. and both can be devastating to both the survivor and to anyone close to him.
is this something you are struggling with - or maybe that someone you know doubts is possible?
Lee
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Tryingtolive
I echo what others have said here. It is real. Lee said it can be consciously or unconsciously. The child victim is within us and controls us in different ways. The abuse left us with a sense of helplessness against the abuse and the abuser and at the same time, for some of us, a special attachment to the abuser. Previously dissociation was my coping mechanism, I lost power over myself, the child within took over and what happened I do not know. It was easier and an escape from the memories and what was going on around me. He (the child within who really is part of me, confusing at times) wanted love and to feel wanted and I would dissociate. Memories of what happened are not there but some say I re-enacted the abuse. Why I have been told to feel loved and in control of what I previously did not control and to replace love I did not feel at that time. It is hard because I still do not know if it was real, did it happen, I will never truly know. I have been told CSA and others abused as children can lead to subconscious acting out, with the survivor having no recollection of events, called dissociation. The mind somehow fragments temporarily. But if it did, I understand why it could have happened. The abuse has a hold on us.
How we cope is not always healthy and can lead to unhealthy activities. You should seek help to understand what is happening and to develop healthy coping mechanism. Many of us are only learning the healthy mechanisms today because for many we did not realize they were unhealthy or we were doing them.
Kevin
I echo what others have said here. It is real. Lee said it can be consciously or unconsciously. The child victim is within us and controls us in different ways. The abuse left us with a sense of helplessness against the abuse and the abuser and at the same time, for some of us, a special attachment to the abuser. Previously dissociation was my coping mechanism, I lost power over myself, the child within took over and what happened I do not know. It was easier and an escape from the memories and what was going on around me. He (the child within who really is part of me, confusing at times) wanted love and to feel wanted and I would dissociate. Memories of what happened are not there but some say I re-enacted the abuse. Why I have been told to feel loved and in control of what I previously did not control and to replace love I did not feel at that time. It is hard because I still do not know if it was real, did it happen, I will never truly know. I have been told CSA and others abused as children can lead to subconscious acting out, with the survivor having no recollection of events, called dissociation. The mind somehow fragments temporarily. But if it did, I understand why it could have happened. The abuse has a hold on us.
How we cope is not always healthy and can lead to unhealthy activities. You should seek help to understand what is happening and to develop healthy coping mechanism. Many of us are only learning the healthy mechanisms today because for many we did not realize they were unhealthy or we were doing them.
Kevin
