Push - Pull - Hurting Those I Love

[dale1812]

I'm relatively new to this site but have been very grateful for the fellowship and support that is shown repeatedly through this site (and especially in the chat area!). It is such a shame that a site like this is needed, but it has been a source of fresh water in a long journey filled with barren desert.

I have learned that the things I have experienced as a result of my sexual abuse are common to many and yet I still wonder - am I the only one who has experienced this...or that. So here's another one:

My wife accused me of boxing her in to the point of having no choice but to leave me. On Friday, I got so mad that I walked away from her three times that day - left her hurt and crying. My anger was so strong that I couldn't see how deeply I was hurting her. I love her very much. Our marriage has been so very tenuous since I started therapy. I run hot and cold. One minute I am so close to her and the next I feel a million miles away. I don't know why she has put up with me so long - she deserves better. I hate it when I push her away...sometimes I just can't stop. I hate myself for treating her like this. Now that I'm starting to tap my emotions - I can't seem to control them. I'm either ready to cry like a baby or cold as a rock - no medium. I'm afraid it might just be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

I would appreciate hearing other's stories - I'm sure I'm not alone with this experience. Is there light at the end of the tunnel or just a horrible ride on the hamster's wheel?

 

[Bill_1965]

Dale,

It is always nice chatting with you.

I would appreciate hearing other's stories - I'm sure I'm not alone with this experience. Is there light at the end of the tunnel or just a horrible ride on the hamster's wheel?

I don't think you'd want to hear my story. It turned out so bad. I waited until it was too late, our marriage was over before I even noticed. The bright side of it, the end of my marriage was the beginning of my healing.

The reason I am posting is to let you know that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. Although at times it does feel like the hamster's wheel. Don't let those moments discourage you.

Take care,
Bill

 

[outis]

Dale,

There is always hope when you are working on making things better. Sometimes better means separate, but it sounds like you two still have enough care and love for each other to work for something better together. Have you tried doing counseling together? My wife and I see a psychologist, and I do my therapy separately with a trauma specialist. It's working so far. We were on the brink of divorce when we started our couples' therapy in 2002, and last month we celebrated our anniversary. I didn't think in Aug. '02 that we'd have an anniversary in 2003!

Thanks,

Joe