My previous thread: 'Groomed and raped by a celebrity (Trigger Warning!)' https://forum.malesurvivor.org/thre...n-adult-by-a-celebrity-trigger-warning.82544/
I’m having some trouble these last couple of days—more than normal. Self-blame, shame, and guilt are at the forefront, sometimes crippling and puts me in a dark place.
I don’t look at myself in the mirror with respect. Instead I see a guy trying to remove himself from the situation and hide it by not talking about it to those closest to him. When I do talk about it, I find myself belittling the incident as if that will make it go away. It’s like I’m in denial but I have been in therapy for about 2 months now actively working on it. But I wonder if it’s enough.
My PTSD is hyperactive. Many things are triggering—a radio commercial with his voice, my friends and family commenting/liking his social posts or talking about him, the spot in my house where it took place, so many things.
I wrote an email to my therapist last week like a journal entry—very therapeutic. Sunday I got drunk and blacked out. This morning, I discovered an email draft I had started that was following up to that first email to my therapist. It read, “I’m not a peace. I keep feeling like it’s my fault. I should’ve seen this coming.”
I was fine about a month ago, but over the last week I feel overwhelmed with emotion and doubt. I also have hate in my heart for this narcissist asshole. I really wish I didn’t and in fact, I want to forgive him. I think that would help me move on.
I’m having some trouble these last couple of days—more than normal. Self-blame, shame, and guilt are at the forefront, sometimes crippling and puts me in a dark place.
I don’t look at myself in the mirror with respect. Instead I see a guy trying to remove himself from the situation and hide it by not talking about it to those closest to him. When I do talk about it, I find myself belittling the incident as if that will make it go away. It’s like I’m in denial but I have been in therapy for about 2 months now actively working on it. But I wonder if it’s enough.
My PTSD is hyperactive. Many things are triggering—a radio commercial with his voice, my friends and family commenting/liking his social posts or talking about him, the spot in my house where it took place, so many things.
I wrote an email to my therapist last week like a journal entry—very therapeutic. Sunday I got drunk and blacked out. This morning, I discovered an email draft I had started that was following up to that first email to my therapist. It read, “I’m not a peace. I keep feeling like it’s my fault. I should’ve seen this coming.”
I was fine about a month ago, but over the last week I feel overwhelmed with emotion and doubt. I also have hate in my heart for this narcissist asshole. I really wish I didn’t and in fact, I want to forgive him. I think that would help me move on.