PTSD Arousal

DavidMunoz

Registrant
Ever since the memories of my abuse came to the surface, I've had reenactments in my dreams. Though the dreams are disturbing and have added to my anxiety, the most fear I have is through the arousal I have gotten from the dreams. I wake in the middle of the night with shame and disgust because of the arousal, which also adds the questioning of my sexuality. I have always deemed myself straight, and all of my friends have seen me as such, but since the surfacing of my PTSD, It's hard to knock off the dreams. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this?
 
David - yeah, from people I've talked to and things I've read (and including my own experience), the arousal is common. I feel disgusted when any physical part of me feels aroused when thinking about or discussing my abuse. Personally, after starting therapy, it lessened for a while, then ramped up even more, then lessened again. For me, it's one of the hardest things to work through, because it is uncomfortable, confusing, and disturbing. I'm sorry you're going through this. But I'm glad you've found this place and that you are getting more comfortable sharing with and reaching out to others!
 
someone mentioned a few months ago in MS Chat... #BonersHappen

we are easily triggered and it can bring on arousal with little effort from us, just reading other Survivors' stories here can trigger a physiological response without us meaning to or wanting to. very common with CSA Survivors
 

DavidMunoz

Registrant
It makes sense on why arousal is triggered to be honest but my anxiety can get the best of me sometimes. I’ve come to conceptialize that my earliest forms of arousal and sexual contact was with CSA, therefore my body responds as such when my conscious mind can’t deter. It’s good to know I’m not the only one out there with confusion. Thanks Guys!
 

JoeNE

Registrant
You are not alone. I believe this is common among CSA survivors. I often have dreams and/or memories that can cause arousal. I used to feel shame about it but now I am more accepting about it. Wishing you peace.
 

Chad R.

Registrant
Ever since the memories of my abuse came to the surface, I've had reenactments in my dreams. Though the dreams are disturbing and have added to my anxiety, the most fear I have is through the arousal I have gotten from the dreams. I wake in the middle of the night with shame and disgust because of the arousal, which also adds the questioning of my sexuality. I have always deemed myself straight, and all of my friends have seen me as such, but since the surfacing of my PTSD, It's hard to knock off the dreams. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this?
Yes,I struggle with this too. I can relive my abuse and have read and heard many stories and I can get aroused. I consider myself str8 too. With help from this site, understanding, T and lots of reading... I do know that that sexual arousal is not me. It is how my brain was wired from and early age... I had 15 years of abuse, and for a long time it never felt like abuse... that messes up your brain. I find talking about it helps, don’t be hard on yourself... keep talking about it and you’ll get through this.
 

rabbit93

Registrant
It also happened to me, I were so aroused that sometimes I would orgasm and when I waked up I felt a lot shame and I would cry sometimes.This sucks, but you are not alone.
 
The CSA happened for me when I was so young that memories have been difficult to come by. Those I have aren't about pleasure but about curiosity and openness to the experience. Memories of rape however carry no pleasure with them. But I did begin acting out sexually in ways that I've come to learn are a re-enactment of what I experienced during the abuse and those acting out behaviors continued long into my adult life. It is those behaviors that have generated shame, especially so because it wasn't until I was over fifty years old that I had my first memories of the abuse. Things fell into place quickly, but none of those memories relieved me of the shame. That has been a much longer process that really led to relief only when I came to Male Survivor and did another round of therapy, this time with a therapist well grounded in male sexual trauma.

Sexual abuse screws up all the circuits, leaving a great deal of confusion about our sexuality. The perpetrator used us and in the process made it impossible for us to discover for ourselves both our bodies and our sexual preferences. That leaves us as adults needing to unpack all that history so we can release it. Only then will we be free to be ourselves. It isn't easy work, but it is worth doing. I want my aliveness. I wish us all well on the journey.
 
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