Promoting safety


Chat Moderator
Staff member
Dear Members,
This is just a message urging caution.

We are posting this message because some of you have recently shared personal contact information with another user on the discussion board or in chat.

We have a rule in place prohibiting this within the first 3 months of being on, and we caution against this action until you have gotten to know people, to protect yourself from the possibility of unsafe interaction off-site.
This link contains some of the info you accepted when you joined.

Experience tells us that it's better for new site users to get used to the site on its public platforms for a while before they take their communications off-site, get to know who's who and then decide if you feel safe going off-site with specific people.

Remember that once you have given up your personal contact information it can't be taken back, and you have no control over how much further the contact goes or what is done with this information.
Also, we cannot offer support or intervention for incidents that take place off-site.

We just wish to advise caution until you all are more familiar with the site and our community.
Please don't hesitate to contact any of the moderators if you have any questions, or you may respond to this post directly.


The Moderator Team

betrayed boy

Staff member
good advice also u may want to have an alt. e-mail set up for stuff like this so incase of problems with someone u can just delete the alt address and end contact with them without any problems, and they don't really know who u are.


I clicked on the OP's link and got a "not found" error message. I do recall reading the guidelines, although I do need some clarification: does this applies to using the PM function? As I understand it, that's not the same as sharing my contact information like email, location, etc, so I'm assuming it's OK, although I do try to keep it limited, please let me know if I'm mistaken. Thanks!


Chat Moderator
Staff member
Thanks, fixed the link.

Yes, PM in the Discussion Board, PM's in Chat, etc.
This is about sharing info that promotes contacting each other outside of this site.

This site is designed to have a safe conversation about a topic that feels unsafe most everywhere else.

Yes, everything is able to be monitored. Why? Because we need to be able to for legality purposes and it helps keep the conversations safer.
Experience has shown that some people have come here for the wrong reasons, and they have used this site for their own purposes. Knowing that what you type could be seen by a moderator, limits this behavior.

This place is for healing and promoting healing in a variety of ways.

This place is NOT what many other chat rooms are for; meet-ups, sex chats, and so on.
Also, this site is not a substitute for professional help, such as therapy.

Every Moderator started out like all of you and over time wanted to be part of the volunteers that keep this site running.

I am a survivor too. And I'm not perfect. And I have a life outside of this place. I volunteer time here as I can. That's the same for all the Mods/Admins.

We all want you all to feel safe here. This is part of that effort.

~Paul/blacken, Mod
Thanks Paul

For all you and the other Moderators and admin do to try and keep this a safe place for us to come to and talk freely about some tough stuff.

Thanks to you all


Thanks for the response, I just wanted to make sure it's OK to use the PM function during my first 3 months. I haven't shared nor requested private contact information, just wanted to make sure that I'm not breaking any rules if I have a private conversation if I needed for things like clarification of something that may come up on a thread, etc.


Also, I clicked on the link and I got a message saying that I'm not logged in (which I AM) or I'm "not authorized for that" I did see a link in that response for Board Rules which I can see with no problems, so I hope that's what you were linking to initially. Thanks for your efforts in providing this safe place.


Thank you Paul for reminding us of the rules ... which when a newbie myself I did not follow ... and paid the price for it.

When I see a newbie's profile and they have included an email address I message them with the advice to remove it ... and explain why.

Many of the newbies can be very naive and either don't read the rules or overlook them.

I also tell them that EVERYTHING they write in MS can be read by a mod ... in the hopes of dissuading those with less than honourable ideas from acting on them.

Mods like yourself can't read everything ... nor can I ... so I urge those who are in contact with a newbie to warn them about the dangers of including personal information

anywhere in their profile.

When we tell guys that this is a safe place ... they really need to know ... that isn't 100% accurate.

Last edited by a moderator:
I was PM'd by a new member who wanted to chat. I didn't feel comfortable with that so after the initial exchange just ignored him. Has this member been removed? Should I report the exchange now?


Chat Moderator
Staff member
We are not trying to punish anyone.

We are trying to establish "Rules of Engagement" that everyone can use to say "no, it's against the rules" to keep them out of situations they aren't comfortable with and to establish an understanding that MaleSurvivor is NOT like so many other places designed to hook-up, meet-up, etc.

Safe conversations about the toughest of all topics are what we are trying to allow for.
Really appreciate this guidance... I don't have confidence in my capacity to set healthy limits so having some sensible rules in place helps me. Thank you.


This is a fantastic site for what it is for. I don't see a need to share personal information with anyone here - in fact, I feel safer hiding behind anonymity. It allows me to ask questions that I couldn't if I knew you all personally!

So thank you for this site - it is a huge help for me "as is"


This is a fantastic site for what it is for. I don't see a need to share personal information with anyone here - in fact, I feel safer hiding behind anonymity. It allows me to ask questions that I couldn't if I knew you all personally!

So thank you for this site - it is a huge help for me "as is"
Yes, @Richard1966 ! Thank you. It was great that you replied this old message because we all need to be cautious.


Be safe & be well friends. those of you whom linger here with watchful eyes. I suggest you move on. This is not your domain by right and you can leave at anytime.

I'll leave my words as a message to those predators. My words are never threatening towards anyone. But, I am making strong suggestions and insisting that if you aren't here for personal understanding then you probably should seek real medical help.

My protective adult is showing, okay... w/e

Good night :)


Thanks for posting this, by my work background I wouldn't share enough information to identify "OPSEC / PERSEC", but I didn't know it was against the rules. I might do a short write-up on Online Personnel Security if it is wanted by people. The internet is a scary place and it only gets darker the deeper you go on it, securing yourself is very important.