Progress

[lucentny]

Okay. (Deep breath). My boyfriend had a nasty meeting with his mother who he confronted after not seeing her for nearly a decade...(see post entitled "help" below).

I just want to say that I can't thank everyone enough for their kind words and wisdom. It really has been helpful to me as I don't discuss his childhood sexual abuse with anyone (for obvious reasons) and I found a place here where I can vent and get sound advice. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Although he doesn't want to see me at least he talked to me on the phone and will send me an occasional text message. I am following the advice given to me and I constantly let him know that I'm not going to abandon or betray him...I let him know that I love him and will be there for him no matter what....although, it's really, really, really hard for me to constantly put myself out there for him and get rejection...am trying to be strong but I feel pretty low most of the time even though I may pretend everything is okay.

He is reading this site and is amazed that nearly every post that he reads of a fellow survivor mirrors what he is thinking and feeling. He has held everything in for so long that I truly think he felt that he was/is too damaged to be "normal" and have a happy life. I think it helps him to know that what he is going through is not exclusive to him and that there is hope in getting better. He has an appointment this week to talk to a therapist. YAY!!!

I got a book that one of you suggested that I read and passed along to him: Mic Hunter's: Abused Boys: The Neglected Victums of Sexual Abuse. It was really helpful for me and I hope it is helpful for him b/c he said that he didn't even know where to begin in terms of thinking and feeling about it and there are questions at the end of each chapter that ask what your thoughts and feelings are.

All I can have at this point is hope...that he'll see what a worthwhile person he is...hope that he doesn't see himself as too damaged and shitty ever to be in a relationship....hope that he'll recognize that he can do it and I'm here for him in whatever capacity that may be.

 

[SAR]

The difference between one place to vent and zero places to vent is SUCH a difference, isn't it?

I'm so glad that he's finding some validation and hope here! That's an incredible step, my boyfriend hasn't gotten past the home page and myths/facts but I think that's pretty cool too.

I just want to say to you:

I am following the advice given to me and I constantly let him know that I'm not going to abandon or betray him...I let him know that I love him and will be there for him no matter what....although, it's really, really, really hard for me to constantly put myself out there for him and get rejection

that I don't think anyone here expects you (or would want you) to sit around feeling lonely and rejected, putting yourself and the rest of your stuff on hold in the hope that he might pick today to ask you out for coffee. You've done all that can be expected of you in terms of letting him know that you'll be there for him when he needs you, and it seems that message has gotten through to him at least somewhat. The ball is in his court now, and while it's there, please give yourself permission to be there for yourself.

take care
SAR

 

[Leosha]

I am very glad that things are moving forward, and showing progress for you both. There will be times when things will be better, and times when things will be worse. (Like, when my girlfriend had reason to ask me 'So, is one of your other personalities NOT an asshole? Let me talk to him!') But it is a growing and ongoing process, almost as it has a life of it's own. It takes much energy, and much trust, much empathy. But it is possible.

I wish you and your boyfriend much luck and success. I hope that if he comes here also, he will find much support and understanding.

leosha