Progress on why I'm "Triggered"
Grunty1967b
Registrant
Im starting to see whats behind some of those things that trigger me with the help of my therapist.
I guess Ive come to the place now of needing (and wanting for recovery purposes) to confront my childhood memories and effects of my abuse. Ive kept these things at arms length for years and even in therapy Ive avoided them until now.
The result of me now being willing to tackle these issues is progress I guess.
Over the last two weeks Ive seen several people who have triggered me, and for the briefest of moments on each occasion, Ive actually been able to understand the what or why behind me being triggered. Id like to share a couple of these so that I get to let it out and also in the hope that it may encourage some of you my brothers and friends. Perhaps you may be able to see some of these triggers in yourself as well?
1. I saw a young teen boy (about 14-15) and I got sad seeing him. This is quite common for me. Why? It reminded me of myself at that age. I saw myself in him and I was not a happy teen. I was very sad at that age and at that stage of my life.
2. I saw what I guessed was a young boy and his older sister. Even though my abuser was my older brother and not a sister, what I noticed was the age difference and the size difference between these two kids and it made me feel uneasy and I didnt want to look at them any more and wished I hadnt seen them at all. Why? What I saw was the difference there must have been between myself and my older brother during my abuse years and I saw how overbearing my abuser must have seemed to me and how defenceless I obviously was. My head has known that but here I saw that difference and the power of that hold that was over me. I couldnt look beyond say 2 seconds as it was all too much, but again; I saw a connection and reason for my feelings.
3. I saw a young man who is an acquaintance of mine. He always makes me feel uneasy even though hes never done anything bad or wrong towards me. We have brief chats but I always feel uncomfortable around him. Why? Hes much taller than me and again, I see the height and size difference between him and me and my abusing brother and me.
Im in no way cured by realising these things but I have been so freaked out by most males I see most days and until this last week or so Ive had no idea why. Now I have some of the whys.
Next I guess will come getting better at coping with it all and I suppose that will take some considerable time but Im actually pleased to have had this progress.
I guess Ive come to the place now of needing (and wanting for recovery purposes) to confront my childhood memories and effects of my abuse. Ive kept these things at arms length for years and even in therapy Ive avoided them until now.
The result of me now being willing to tackle these issues is progress I guess.
Over the last two weeks Ive seen several people who have triggered me, and for the briefest of moments on each occasion, Ive actually been able to understand the what or why behind me being triggered. Id like to share a couple of these so that I get to let it out and also in the hope that it may encourage some of you my brothers and friends. Perhaps you may be able to see some of these triggers in yourself as well?
1. I saw a young teen boy (about 14-15) and I got sad seeing him. This is quite common for me. Why? It reminded me of myself at that age. I saw myself in him and I was not a happy teen. I was very sad at that age and at that stage of my life.
2. I saw what I guessed was a young boy and his older sister. Even though my abuser was my older brother and not a sister, what I noticed was the age difference and the size difference between these two kids and it made me feel uneasy and I didnt want to look at them any more and wished I hadnt seen them at all. Why? What I saw was the difference there must have been between myself and my older brother during my abuse years and I saw how overbearing my abuser must have seemed to me and how defenceless I obviously was. My head has known that but here I saw that difference and the power of that hold that was over me. I couldnt look beyond say 2 seconds as it was all too much, but again; I saw a connection and reason for my feelings.
3. I saw a young man who is an acquaintance of mine. He always makes me feel uneasy even though hes never done anything bad or wrong towards me. We have brief chats but I always feel uncomfortable around him. Why? Hes much taller than me and again, I see the height and size difference between him and me and my abusing brother and me.
Im in no way cured by realising these things but I have been so freaked out by most males I see most days and until this last week or so Ive had no idea why. Now I have some of the whys.
Next I guess will come getting better at coping with it all and I suppose that will take some considerable time but Im actually pleased to have had this progress.