professional insecurity
From being abused as a young child and being raised by a single alcoholic mother, I am very insecure. I am scared right now as I write this.
I have been called into the teaching profession. I mean that sincerely because I have tried to get away from it for five years, and it keeps coming back to me, both in available jobs, reputation, and desire. I have been a successful substitute teacher in the county for those five years. I finally admitted defeat two years ago, went back to school to pick up some courses, and got my state licensure.
But I still was terrified. I again tried to leave it, but job after job was denied and I returned to substitute teaching (my main income since 2000). I became encouraged again, and am presently in a new teacher training course. The cost and time commitment are much less than a university, and this is much more about "surviving" the whole new teaching experience. I am convinced of its applicability.
Nevertheless, I am pestering my county's professional development coordinator about new teacher support. It is called "new teacher induction", and I feel theirs is inadequate........ The truth is that I feel insecure and want someone to guide me through the fears and confusion I feel....most of the time. Can anyone relate?
I am posting this with normal SA stuff because Mike Lew says in "Victims No Longer" that survivors have a strong need to feel competent. Is this what I am feeling? How am I going to make it? There are days, sometimes long periods, when I want to live in a more comfortable (emotionally) environment. Two years ago I really wanted to hide, daily. I got treated for depression later; that may have been the reason, but the new teaching job will be a shock. I truly believe that.
Finally, I read in a book NOT about sexual abuse that high expectations (which I have of myself) can defeat me. It spoke of procrastination, postponing, and then finishing assignments at the last moment were characteristics of this. I sometimes feel defeated, and I don't want to be involved in anything. What is good becomes a hideout, even an addiction. Food is my biggest escape; sweets (yummy!). But the GD job is still there! Wifee still expects me to do it; we need it. Don't know what to expect.
In a good book for new teachers, it says that we often feel vulnerable, fearful of other's perceptions, and afraid to ask for help. I don't have a choice. Give your advice.
I have been called into the teaching profession. I mean that sincerely because I have tried to get away from it for five years, and it keeps coming back to me, both in available jobs, reputation, and desire. I have been a successful substitute teacher in the county for those five years. I finally admitted defeat two years ago, went back to school to pick up some courses, and got my state licensure.
But I still was terrified. I again tried to leave it, but job after job was denied and I returned to substitute teaching (my main income since 2000). I became encouraged again, and am presently in a new teacher training course. The cost and time commitment are much less than a university, and this is much more about "surviving" the whole new teaching experience. I am convinced of its applicability.
Nevertheless, I am pestering my county's professional development coordinator about new teacher support. It is called "new teacher induction", and I feel theirs is inadequate........ The truth is that I feel insecure and want someone to guide me through the fears and confusion I feel....most of the time. Can anyone relate?
I am posting this with normal SA stuff because Mike Lew says in "Victims No Longer" that survivors have a strong need to feel competent. Is this what I am feeling? How am I going to make it? There are days, sometimes long periods, when I want to live in a more comfortable (emotionally) environment. Two years ago I really wanted to hide, daily. I got treated for depression later; that may have been the reason, but the new teaching job will be a shock. I truly believe that.
Finally, I read in a book NOT about sexual abuse that high expectations (which I have of myself) can defeat me. It spoke of procrastination, postponing, and then finishing assignments at the last moment were characteristics of this. I sometimes feel defeated, and I don't want to be involved in anything. What is good becomes a hideout, even an addiction. Food is my biggest escape; sweets (yummy!). But the GD job is still there! Wifee still expects me to do it; we need it. Don't know what to expect.
In a good book for new teachers, it says that we often feel vulnerable, fearful of other's perceptions, and afraid to ask for help. I don't have a choice. Give your advice.