Problems, Personal Problems

Problems, Personal Problems
S

ScooterSCS

Registrant
First off, it's been about two and a half years since I've posted.

Almost forgot about you guys, and I'm sorry about it.

I have, to date, only had two boyfiends or otherwise serious relationships. I have recently become involved with the second after being cheated on and lied to by the first. I remained single for the exact time since my last post (2.5yrs). Haven't really been able to trust anyone enough and blowing off people who have told me I am cute for someone who was joking around.

The question that I really have I find very embarassing. I can not take control in a sexual situation with my b/f. It is very personal, and I do not know how to over come it. I know this goes back to the abuse that I have endured, and the frustration is building again. I am done being pissed off about every little thing bothering me, I am done not allowing myself to be happy. Where do I go from here?

ScooterSCS
 
Scooter,
The best advice I can give youis to be open and honest with your boyfriend. If he is worth anything he will understand, and help you through your difficulty.
As for taking control, you just have to work at it. I will not say it will be easy, but over time you should be able to master it.
BEst wishes and welcome back, and nice to meet you.

Casey
 
Thank you, overcoming frustration is the hardest thing. Take a step back and taking a deap breath and going with the flow. I am planning on taking him to Michigan to spend the day together on Tuesday, alone. I want to use this time to let him know where I stand, where I've been and how I feel. However, reservations persist, but I don't want to avoid the issue any longer and yet I don't want to be rejected.

*deep breathe*

here we go
 
I think that if you take your time and just be honest and use a lot of "I and Me" statements (i.e., I feel really frightened when you....), you may find him to be very understanding.

Problems start when we expect (and I'm guilty of this, too) others to read our minds because we don't express our feelings. We were burned so much as kids, so we're afraid of that rejection again. But, when we have someone so close to us, we need to fill them in on what's going on inside our heads. This gives them the opportunity to see our "human" side. Otherwise, they are left to their own imaginations and tend to "objectify" us- we are no longer 3-dimensional. I'm learning to do this slowly - after 22 years in a relationship, you would think I'd get it right by now :D
Anyway, take your time and remember that this is someone who has stuck with you and WILL come thru if you just give him a chance.

SD
 
Hello Scooter:

I think you have been given very good advice so far. But my sense is that you are holding back here. Perhaps there is something a little embarrassing you don't wish to post? If so, I understand perfectly. If you want to PM me, I'll do my best to see if I can answer you.

But I don't know what YOU mean by "taking control." I could speculate but I feel uncomfortable doing that here on the board. So PM me if you like.

In any event, I'm glad you are back. (Even though you don't know me from before.)

All the best,

Jasper
 
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