Private Messages Not Private?

Your private messages can be seen by the moderators. I’m not sure if every message is looked at, but they have the capabilities. It’s outlined in the rules for the site.
 
Stefan,

Welcome, I’m sorry we are meeting like this but glad you found the site. I’ve been here for almost two months and found this site very helpful. Take you time. There are no strangers here. A lot of us have the same experiences so we understand, have compassion and most importantly, we don’t judge. No one understands more of what you are going through than those who have gone before you. There is no rush so take your time and share what you feel comfortable sharing. It’s a safe space that I hope you will find healing and peace.

Blessings
JBP
 

DavidM-LT

Moderator
Staff member
A warm welcome Stefan! I'm sorry that you need to be here.

Private messages sent via the envelope icon at the top are between you and the recipients. However, everything is filtered by the board's software to keep things safe for everyone involved. If something you're writing sends a flag, then the mod-team can see what you've sent. But please do not think that your messages are just looked at as if you were a prisoner getting your mail checked. That doesn't happen.
 

Blueshawk

Registrant
A warm welcome Stefan! I'm sorry that you need to be here.

Private messages sent via the envelope icon at the top are between you and the recipients. However, everything is filtered by the board's software to keep things safe for everyone involved. If something you're writing sends a flag, then the mod-team can see what you've sent. But please do not think that your messages are just looked at as if you were a prisoner getting your mail checked. That doesn't happen.
Y'know what might give everyone some peace of mind is having a flag icon show up whenever a private message has been looked at by a moderator, so you know if it's stayed private. Otherwise I guess the concern is some rogue moderator who's bored is checking everything out.

I don't think I've said anything in private I haven't said publicly so not worried much, but a few weeks ago I was PMing with someone and when they found out they weren't private our conversation ended.
 
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Stefan Romir

Registrant
Your private messages can be seen by the moderators. I’m not sure if every message is looked at, but they have the capabilities. It’s outlined in the rules for the site.
Thanks, for that, JBP...that's not good news. I had no idea. I'm not a keen reader of terms and conditions...I tend to just go blundering into places and try to settle down and feel at home. So, I won't be able to use the private messages, here, because I simply cannot trust them to be private.
 
Hi Stefan, welcome to a safe place, message boards and on system chats are all safe. just sometimes we do not know the intentions of everyone in here. That said private conversation are private unless you raise an issue or concern. As far as I am concerned all conversation public or private are in the fullest confidence and I have always had the same courtesy from those I have opened up to, just take your time and build an understand of whom you can relate too.
 

Stefan Romir

Registrant
Above your post, JBP has stated that my "...private messages can be seen by the moderators."
How can "...private conversation are (be) private unless you raise an issue or concern."?

I've never been on a forum, in 21 years of being online, whereon private messages are not private.
 
Stefan I am not an administrato, I hve just been here for some time.Given that there are so many vulnerable people on here I would imagine it is to provide us all with a level of safeguarding So contact can be made to support people should their personal safety be brought into question. I know it has never been an issue for me and I am very open about my past and the issues I am facing day by day.
 

Stefan Romir

Registrant
I understand the protective approach of such a thing, but I should be able to opt out of having my private messages read by anybody but the intended recipient. If somebody sends a bothersome, inappropriate private message to another member, then the recipient can make a complaint and THEN, they should be able to view the contents of that inappropriate message, but not if no complaint is made. Also, is there no way a recipient can just report-and-block, in almost the same stroke?
 

savage_sid

Greeter
Staff member
I've never been on a forum, in 21 years of being online, whereon private messages are not private.
Unless you are using a common carrier (phone, post office) your communications are always visible to the service that you are using.

“Private messages” are an illusion on most sites. But most sites don’t have any motivation to pry, or the resources. Until relatively recently, there was no such thing as a privacy policy when it comes to digital communication.

In my 35 years of being in online communities I’ve seen good and bad when it comes to online privacy.

Do you trust the site? That’s really what it comes down to.
 
Take your time ready around, here what people have had to say. See how there treads develop and you might find your issue has already been discussed, or when it feels right find someone you feel you would like to chat with. But please don’t feel any pressure or need to do anything until you are ready and feel safe.
 

Blueshawk

Registrant
,everything is filtered by the board's software to keep things safe for everyone involved. If something you're writing sends a flag, then the mod-team can see what you've sent.
Not sure why this is troubling me as much as it is, the guys who are staff I've talked with have all been great, but wanna know if it's only when private messages have been flagged by software, or if they've been reported, that it's been looked at by a staff member. Reason I ask is someone said to check out the terms and conditions and reading them, it seems like a blanket permission for any of the staff to read PMs anytime for any reason. If that's the rules then ya gotta live with it, PMs aren't a right, I just wanna know.
 
I've honestly never heard of any kind of message board system where admins didn't have the right to read private messages. Not letting admins read PMs kind of sounds like a disaster in the making.

Our admins have integrity and will never pry.
 

Blueshawk

Registrant
Yeah you're probably right, I just haven't been on private messaging on a site before. It's nothing personal against the guys, they're all volunteers, props to them for giving their time. It's just something about others looking in on you and not knowing. It'd just be great getting some kinda headsup that that had happened when it does. But if that's the way things work best around here, it's ok, it's a choice whether to PM.
 

Blueshawk

Registrant
If ya think about it, it's kinda irrational, ya never know when someone's reading stuff on the forum either. But there's something about talking about this stuff and thinking being private is a kinda protection. I guess it's just personal, I was molested on an empty lot in the city at night. For most of it I just froze and was staring at the brick wall but one time I looked over and a hundred or so feet away and saw all the people walking by on the sidewalk and wanted someone to look over and maybe stop it but then wondered if they saw but just kept walking. Anyway it's probably a dumb connection having to do with private messaging here now and something I gotta get past. Don't mind me, this site's been set up a certain way and it's been working good for a long time.
 

MO-Survivor

Greeter
Staff member
Guys, there is another topic in this forum about this. Nathan has chimed in there a couple different times in that thread with details about the automated software and Mod intervention (my emphasis added):

Everyone,​
The monitoring and alerting to the moderators about content on the site is triggered in two ways, 1. User generated reports and 2. Automated generated reports (AI/Software). Site volunteers are not snooping and looking at users at random. Once they are notified by the above mentioned ways then do they start reviewing content. If you feel this is not the cause please email me directly Webmaster@MaleSurvivor.org. I want to hear and see the evidence and get the concern addressed, if a site volunteer is using their position incorrectly it will be addressed.​
@AlexBoyd and @Shyshark please email me, lets setup a time to talk. This offer is open to anyone and everyone, I may not be able to share with you all the information or give you the answer you want but I want the opportunity to engage with you in a productive conversation.​
Keep in mind that ALL site volunteers are first and foremost survivors and our brothers in healing, they are volunteering many hours a week to keep this place safe and healing. They do an amazing job as we are the largest and oldest forum for male survivors of sexual abuse.​

 
@Stefan Romir , the fast answer is no, what some of us thought was private is indeed not private at all and subject to prying eyes. As I brought this issue up over a month ago about the misleading mail/letter icon and no warning in the "conversations" page about it not being private, nothing was changed with that. So, do not say or send anything in "conversations" you wouldn't want the whole board to see.
 

Blueshawk

Registrant
The monitoring and alerting to the moderators about content on the site is triggered in two ways, 1. User generated reports and 2. Automated generated reports (AI/Software). Site volunteers are not snooping and looking at users at random. Once they are notified by the above mentioned ways then do they start reviewing content. If you feel this is not the cause please email me directly Webmaster@MaleSurvivor.org. I want to hear and see the evidence and get the concern addressed, if a site volunteer is using their position incorrectly it will be addressed.​
]​
Hey man, it sounds like a great system for protecting guys here. Question I have is it doesn't seem like guys are prohibited from looking apart from those generated reports, that they can be seen other times as well. It's good that any kind of issue is followed up on, but how do you show evidence of something you don't know is happening. It's why it might be helpful to add an icon on the messages that's generated when they're looked at. Hey man, it's nothing personal against any guy giving his time to make this place work well, props to all you guys. Heck, you're on staff and I think I'd trust you with my life. But like I said right before your post, I think it's just something personal I gotta do better with.
 
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