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Lol. I assume you are comfortable with it given you shared and I know I am warped-always wanted a hearse of my own to drive but That IS funny Toad so long as you aren’t freaked by it.

Thank you for making me smile today.
 
we lived in a small town the downstairs was used as a funeral parlor when needed, the only bathroom was downstairs i was prob 4 or 5 then, at night if there was a body downstairs i opened a window to pee no way was i walking past the room with a dead body in it at night, nope nope nope.
 
My cousin, and 2 of her gf's were riding in the front seat of her parents 57 Chevy. A car full of boys pulled up next to them at a red light, and asked them to meet them somewhere. My aunt popped up out of the back seat, and said they can't go. The boys burned rubber! :p
 
I suppose like most humour , you had to be there but ....... myself and a bunch of mates were driving back through Derbyshire England and saw the sign for Bakewell. As we were all a bit peckish and when in Rome do as the Romans do we decided to find a bakery to buy some Bakewell Tarts ( famous cake in UK ) so turned off and couldn’t find a bakery for love or money. We were half frustrated and half starving . So as I was by window in passenger seats I saw a right old chap on a frame and said “ if he don’t know then nobody will” , so we pulled over and I said “ excuse me good Sir , do you know where we can get a Bakewell Tart round here please “
And he replied ( I swear hed lbeen waiting for this question for years) anyways he said “Yes I do but you’ve got the wrong day,,,,,,,,,, try the Duke of York on a Friday night “
Funniest thing I’ve ever heard a very elderly person say
 
My mom’s grandma convinced my dad’s parents to eat these mushrooms she randomly found in the backyard and all three had to be rushed to the hospital. Great grandma then had to be tied down because she kept trying to hit everyone around her because of the mushrooms.
 
They’ve recently discovered that Karl Marx long lost sister Onya should be credited with inventing the starter pistol
No doubt Edison patented it though lol
 
My senior partner in his 50th year as a respected trial attorney in our community had a hankering for ice cream late one evening...rummaging in the cupboard he found what he thought were chopped nuts to put on said treat in a plastic baggie. Unfortunately the “chopped nuts” were moonflower seeds his wife who grew up on a farm and always saved seeds for flowers year to year was saving for the next summer! She came home to him “swimming” on the ditches tile and he had been at it long enough his elbows and knees were bloody- National Center For Poisin Contril was called bu our local hospital emergency department and they advised They had no idea how to counteract the hallucinogen in those seeds in an 80 yo man- but in a teenager trying to get high you strap them down and let them detox - so at 80 the dean of our local bar association was in detox over ice cream and “nuts”!
Oh his wife never saved seeds again!
 
manipulated said:
My senior partner in his 50th year as a respected trial attorney in our community had a hankering for ice cream late one evening...rummaging in the cupboard he found what he thought were chopped nuts to put on said treat in a plastic baggie. Unfortunately the “chopped nuts” were moonflower seeds his wife who grew up on a farm and always saved seeds for flowers year to year was saving for the next summer! She came home to him “swimming” on the ditches tile and he had been at it long enough his elbows and knees were bloody- National Center For Poisin Contril was called bu our local hospital emergency department and they advised They had no idea how to counteract the hallucinogen in those seeds in an 80 yo man- but in a teenager trying to get high you strap them down and let them detox - so at 80 the dean of our local bar association was in detox over ice cream and “nuts”!
Oh his wife never saved seeds again!
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Lol!
 
Toad said:
My wife was friends with an older couple.
Before bed the wife was in the kitchen eating some cashews.
She got up in the night and went to the kitchen to get some water. In the dark she saw that she had left a couple of cashews on the counter. She popped them in her mouth but they tasted rancid and were quite crunchy. Went back to bed and found out in the morning that she had eaten her husbands hearing aids.



I think he had taken the old batteries out and left them there because he couldn't find new ones. So fortunately I don't think she ate any batteries.
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That is funny & scary at the same time! Lol
 
Toad said:
My wife was friends with an older couple.
Before bed the wife was in the kitchen eating some cashews.
She got up in the night and went to the kitchen to get some water. In the dark she saw that she had left a couple of cashews on the counter. She popped them in her mouth but they tasted rancid and were quite crunchy. Went back to bed and found out in the morning that she had eaten her husbands hearing aids.



I think he had taken the old batteries out and left them there because he couldn't find new ones. So fortunately I don't think she ate any batteries.
Click to expand...
Lol
 
An eccentric old lady sold her house. A few years later, the new owners dog came up with a human skull.
They had to call the police, and the guys came out for a possible murder investigation. They found even more skulls but no bodies. People began to become alarmed. The gossip was spreading about a mass murderer that used to live in our midst.
They finally tracked down a relative of the old lady. Well, her father had collected human skulls. Some even belonged to men killed in the civil war. She buried them in the back yard to get rid of them.
 
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