post-holiday rant / (probably triggering)
Well, the family holiday is over, everyone played their usual parts, and now I just feel like bitching so if no one wants to hear it, go ahead and hit the back button.
My brother, R. (perp), came by my house Friday afternoon while I was out in the driveway shoveling ice off it (since my parents and inlaws would be by that night for annual dinner thing we do). First time I had seen or talked to R. since June. He had his common-law wife, S., with him. He bounced out of the car with gift in hand, babbled a couple of minutes about needing to get going to my other brother's house, T., to deliver presents. Idiot. His solution to everything is to just ignore it, and it'll go away. And me, stupid ass I am, just let it happen that way. I went inside and took a Xanax afterwards.
Parents and inlaws came over at 6:00 Friday evening, did our annual token dinner for them. As usual, my parents were first to leave. No hug or anything from my mother (as usual), emotions of a rock. My inlaws left a little later, and mother-in-law on the other hand gave me a warm hug, told me she loved me, wished me a Merry Christmas, etc. Is it any wonder my mind is so fucked up?
Saturday, dinner at my parents at high noon. R., S., and R.'s daughter, B. were there, as was S.'s grandson (who lives with R. and S. because S.'s daughter abandoned him with them, but that's another story). As usual, everyone played their parts. Father (physical abuser) was non-communicative, watching football, eating, watching more football. Never heard a word out of him. I'm used to it.
R. was the life of the party as usual, the "jokester", "hahaha". Asshole. I was in the kitchen and he came in there from behind me and played like he was punching me. Aside from the fact that it startled me, it was all I could do to keep from turning around and punching his fucking face in. But, OH NO, that would not do! Why should I do such a thing, why oh why???
I guess everyone was glad that Eddie seems to be dealing with his little "problem" (whatever the hell it is, since they are all supposedly clueless what it's about), and getting over it. He's doing MUCH better now!!! (Extreme fucking sarcasm intended). Oh, yes, I'm doing much better now, I've figured out what a shitty family I came from, figured out why my oldest brother, T., won't have anything to do with the rest of the family, and understand that my whole family is so out of touch with reality that it's like they live on another freaking planet.
So what if it's made me feel like I've lost my mind this year, so what if it's made me feel like a sexual oddity, so what if I can't relate to people on anything more than a superficial level. But, by golly, I'm doing MUCH better now!!! Apparently, Eddie's getting over it, folks, hurrah, hurrah! Kumbayah!
My brother, R. (perp), came by my house Friday afternoon while I was out in the driveway shoveling ice off it (since my parents and inlaws would be by that night for annual dinner thing we do). First time I had seen or talked to R. since June. He had his common-law wife, S., with him. He bounced out of the car with gift in hand, babbled a couple of minutes about needing to get going to my other brother's house, T., to deliver presents. Idiot. His solution to everything is to just ignore it, and it'll go away. And me, stupid ass I am, just let it happen that way. I went inside and took a Xanax afterwards.
Parents and inlaws came over at 6:00 Friday evening, did our annual token dinner for them. As usual, my parents were first to leave. No hug or anything from my mother (as usual), emotions of a rock. My inlaws left a little later, and mother-in-law on the other hand gave me a warm hug, told me she loved me, wished me a Merry Christmas, etc. Is it any wonder my mind is so fucked up?
Saturday, dinner at my parents at high noon. R., S., and R.'s daughter, B. were there, as was S.'s grandson (who lives with R. and S. because S.'s daughter abandoned him with them, but that's another story). As usual, everyone played their parts. Father (physical abuser) was non-communicative, watching football, eating, watching more football. Never heard a word out of him. I'm used to it.
R. was the life of the party as usual, the "jokester", "hahaha". Asshole. I was in the kitchen and he came in there from behind me and played like he was punching me. Aside from the fact that it startled me, it was all I could do to keep from turning around and punching his fucking face in. But, OH NO, that would not do! Why should I do such a thing, why oh why???
I guess everyone was glad that Eddie seems to be dealing with his little "problem" (whatever the hell it is, since they are all supposedly clueless what it's about), and getting over it. He's doing MUCH better now!!! (Extreme fucking sarcasm intended). Oh, yes, I'm doing much better now, I've figured out what a shitty family I came from, figured out why my oldest brother, T., won't have anything to do with the rest of the family, and understand that my whole family is so out of touch with reality that it's like they live on another freaking planet.
So what if it's made me feel like I've lost my mind this year, so what if it's made me feel like a sexual oddity, so what if I can't relate to people on anything more than a superficial level. But, by golly, I'm doing MUCH better now!!! Apparently, Eddie's getting over it, folks, hurrah, hurrah! Kumbayah!
