Post 1000, or Yes, it IS all about me! Ha ha
Well, I joined this site about a week after realizing I had to deal with these things. That was June of last year. This is post 1000 at this site. I am considering right now, how far have I walked on the 'path' to healing in this 1000 posts?
The first person I told about this in 'real life' was my best friend. He was a 'safe' tell. He had been with this coach also, for a brief time, and knew at least of the physical abuse. He also told me that I had told him some 'things' about my father before, that I did not remember at the time.
Since then, I have told my current coach, my girlfriend (who wasn't my girlfriend at the time I started here, that is another development on this path), several other close friends, one of my students (who has shared some of his own abuse history with me), and of all people, my mother. (Something I never thought would happen).
When I first came here, I was so very averse to therapy. I knew I could not do that, I could not talk with someone about all this. Now I have been with a therapist for about 6 months, and am finding the help of it.
I was first very afraid, even here, to be open and share of myself. Now I have some people here that I consider real, good, friends.
I have confronted my abuser, several times, and am finally considering taking legal action against him (something else I never thought I would have the courage to do).
I still have fears and panic. I still struggle with sleep, and have nightmares when I do. I still have the body memories. I still feel very low often, and still feel not so good about myself. BUT it is all better then I thought I could ever be again just nine months ago. And I have faith that it does continue to get better, and there is an actual 'end' to this journey.
Everyone here who has shared any thoughts or words with me has helped me. I am so very honored to have met so many strong, brave, and inspiring men here. Thank you all, thank you all for helping me so much, and for continuing to do so.
Leosha
The first person I told about this in 'real life' was my best friend. He was a 'safe' tell. He had been with this coach also, for a brief time, and knew at least of the physical abuse. He also told me that I had told him some 'things' about my father before, that I did not remember at the time.
Since then, I have told my current coach, my girlfriend (who wasn't my girlfriend at the time I started here, that is another development on this path), several other close friends, one of my students (who has shared some of his own abuse history with me), and of all people, my mother. (Something I never thought would happen).
When I first came here, I was so very averse to therapy. I knew I could not do that, I could not talk with someone about all this. Now I have been with a therapist for about 6 months, and am finding the help of it.
I was first very afraid, even here, to be open and share of myself. Now I have some people here that I consider real, good, friends.
I have confronted my abuser, several times, and am finally considering taking legal action against him (something else I never thought I would have the courage to do).
I still have fears and panic. I still struggle with sleep, and have nightmares when I do. I still have the body memories. I still feel very low often, and still feel not so good about myself. BUT it is all better then I thought I could ever be again just nine months ago. And I have faith that it does continue to get better, and there is an actual 'end' to this journey.
Everyone here who has shared any thoughts or words with me has helped me. I am so very honored to have met so many strong, brave, and inspiring men here. Thank you all, thank you all for helping me so much, and for continuing to do so.
Leosha
