Possible triggers: underground ritual abuse

Possible triggers: underground ritual abuse

Complex-DID

Registrant
***TRIGGER WARNING***


I’m a male inside with a female body due to extreme sexual abuse I had to dissociate and feel safer. I have fragmented parts.

The encounter and traumatic memories were only revived back in July to December 2019. The rape and molestation trauma to me was so deep, it is expressed of myself screaming to the sky that is without a ceiling, while I am inferior as dust, looking at above that is so overpowering. It’s an emptiness to infinity without end point. My major abusers are P and A, by their initials. I’m a deeply hurt abused man inside, despite with a female body. The dissociation has helped me to feel safer. I feel like I have a penis and a flat chest inside.

Me: “I’m a male, you don’t have sex with a male, because you’re a man yourself.” I said it in a traumatised tone, and my abuser had violently strip me naked and continued to rape and molest me regardless, he kept penetrating me intensively in a dog position. I added, “you’re hurting me”, I cried. “You’re hurting me”, I cried again.

Him: “you never felt love before and I am showing you what being loved means.” He whipped my body to bleed as he continued to penetrate me. I moaned in pain. “Good boy” he added in a perverted tone. He added, “moan for me....louder, louder.” I’ve been so traumatised, no anti-depressants was able to help me. I was diagnosed formally with recurrent exacerbation of major depressive episode on a chronic background of dysthymia. My therapist had cried twice empathically for the extensive sexual abuse I’ve been through.
 
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