possible breakdown, or something..

possible breakdown, or something..
I

InjunE

Registrant
Sorry I have been away for awhile, but coming here sometimes hurts too much....

Well, my latest problem is 3 days ago, I was "making love" with my love" with my wife of 10 years, and she started getting very rough by my standards. I very quickly freaked out. I got up from the bed, went to the livingroom, and cried until 5am. Ever since, I am feeling ultra sensitive to what anyone says, to the point of crying. Now, I am usually the guy that will throw without hesitating. But since that night, I've been freaking, crying all the time from commercials, things said, etc.


I had an appt with a shrink a few months ago. I backed out of it, I think I said I had to work. I became very scared, and avoided all conversation of the subject, including this site, for a few months. I know I probably should have gone, but the fear took over.

Did I have one of those breakdown things? Was it just a freakout? I have no idea, but I know I need something.

Thanks

BTW, alcohol used to be a bad thing for me, insofar as remembering and putting me in a bad mood, but now it helps me forget, soothes me.

Thanks again
 
Hi InjunE,

I understand about coming here being painful, it is for me too and I gave up dealing with this for some years, as there seemed to be more pain than gain. It sort of blew up for me again a year ago so I decided to give it another go, hopefully I will stay the course this time. I guess I am realising that the pain is temporary but the suffering could be life long.

It sounds like the experience with your wife was understandably a big trigger for you and that it has stirred up a lot of feelings. I couldnt say if you are having a breakdown or not, I know that I find the feelings around the abuse very powerful and frightening, when I feel them. When I am feeling tearful anything can set them off I am more relaxed about that now and mostly see it as positive and can usually connect them to the past.

I have had the same reaction to alcohol, it can heighten or dampen feelings, for myself its unpredictability means that I dont do too much of it now.

It sounds like seeing the psychiatrist would be a good idea, it is really scary to really deal with this stuff, but my own experience is that if I dont deal with it, it tends to deal with me.

Take care,

Rustam.
 
I am not at all a doctor or therapist, I can not say what happened was a 'breakdown'. But there are going to be things that will 'trigger' us, that will upset us, and throw us into flashbacks or emotional distress. Avoiding it does not help us. There are times when we need to 'take a break', from here, from therapy, from all the work we must do to get better from this. But it does not go away on it's own. It does not go away with avoiding it. Maybe what happened is some way of your brain telling you it is time to deal with it more. Maybe it is time to make another appointment, and keep it. And I spent quite a bit of time recently using alcohol to numb me. Yes, it was effective at that. But the situation, the problems, they are still here to be dealt with. I hope that you will be safe, whatever you do.

leosha
 
Been away for awhile, but I just wanted to say thanks to all of you that responded to my post, thank you all. I'm still not well, and due to my job, now controlled my the govt, kind of afraid to see the shrink. So, I can't seek help wothout being labeled a security hazard, can't afford it on my own, and live away from the few that could possibly help me, in Akron, OH now. Left to deal with it, once again. I am here again, not to whine, just to say thanks, sorry about the rambling. Thank you
 
InjunE

I understand your concern. However (and I am not a doctor either), it appears that you have some of the symptoms of a major depressive episode. If you can't see a shrink, your GP may be willing to try you on an anti-depressant. In addition, you my be able to find a T who will see you out of pocket - that way it won't go through insurance and therefore not traceable to your job. AND, because of confidentiality laws, they have no access to any of that informatin. A good T may also be able to work with your GP on medications.
I know that you're concerned about your job - but your mental health is just as, if not more important. And you also ned to look at this: you're using alcohol to numb the feelings - wouldn't alcohol abuse make you a security risk also?
I hope you understand that I'm not trying to frighten you, but I AM trying to show you what is happening and why it's important to get help. SK is right: you don't need to add alcoholism to these problems.

SD
 
InjunE,

Just to stress again what SK and SD have already pointed out: it is a very dangerous thing to discover that "alcohol used to be a bad thing for me, insofar as remembering and putting me in a bad mood, but now it helps me forget, soothes me". It is still a bad thing for you, and if it helps you to forget, that is only temporary and not the way forward in any case. A lot of good people have had their lives wrecked in this way. Really, be careful!

Take care,
Larry
 
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