I am the same. My T is the one who pointed that out after many sessions. I was angrey at myself for pleasuring myself to and i have been since i was a kid. Then all this stuff came up and i was so angrey at myself because i felt i was terrible looser of a person. Then i realized i used it less avoided it but my drinking increased. This is when she pointed out porn was my way of coping with stress and now i just traded to alcohol which i dont like drinking so much.I love pornography ... too much. I know that I use it as a coping strategy when I'm stressed,
After a lot of sessions, open discussions on it and my past she has helped me to understand its ok. I am not sick or this looser. Its what i used since childhood as my way to cope with things. It could have been worse at a young age i could have turned to drugs which at times i am surprised I didn’t.
So for me i fully accept using it in a healthy way and to no feel the shame.
Visitor and Alex said it very well.Alex says it well... it is complicated. I've been working for years on releasing the shame I always carried about how I express myself sexually. Now I give myself permission to simply be right here with whatever strikes my fancy.
This past week two weeks were very bad for me mentally due to work changes. the only nights i got any rest was after watching or reading porn and allow myself to feel good and then not beat myself up afterwards. Its been a struggle over the years of hating myself for using it. But as my T told its ok to read, watch or fantasize i am not hurting anyone, no one knows and i am taking care of myself so stop telling myself i am terrible.