Pornography - love it or loathe it ??!?

Torres

Registrant
I was always told as a lad growing up that 98% of people look at porn at some point in their lives, and the other 2% are lying .

What is your experience with porn ? Do you like looking at it ?? Do you love it ? Do you loathe it ?

Since opening the door on my recovery and facing up to my CSA at the hands of my dad (its only been 8 weeks since I started seeking counselling and help), I've come to the conclusion that I really hate porn and I dont like it any more. However, I cant stop looking at it. Not that it was ever fulfilling, but it filled a need. It increased the drive, the desire, the turn on, and it allowed me to live out thoughts in an environment that was inside and not out there, do you know what I mean ?

I grew up in a household where faith was present, and I remember being told by my mum that looking at pictures of naked women were wrong, and not the right thing a lad of faith should be looking at with his time. However, growing up in a household with 3 females, and no father (we fled after the abuse), and no one to ask the "male questions" to at early times in my development, no one ever actually said to me as a kid that looking at male pornography was wrong. Now, I learned v quickly in a household of faith that looking at either wasnt right however I always remember the guilt over woman, but there wasnt any over guys.

(for a detailed history where I discuss my Bisexuality growing up read my other post https://forum.malesurvivor.org/thre...-spiderman-that-made-me-bi.82060/#post-583464

So, a young Bi lad discovering himself, and discovering pornography, I have pretty much seen it all. All shapes, all sizes and discovered more fetishes out there than I ever knew there was. 25+ years of looking at porn and, as I mentioned at the start, I dont have a love for it any more, not even a like of it. But its something I struggle to walk away from.

I am trying to heal, to grow, and for my recovery, I feel I need to walk away from it but its a struggle. I've always liked the more risqué side of things, with some scenarios maybe relating back to my csa. I've liked restraints, bdsm, fetish, power play and pup play (if we are looking for details) and the whole environment that each of them entertain, however afterwards, I've just felt empty and unfulfilled. With never looking at my healing and recovery from the abuse I went through until recently, I have never really paralleled everything closely but I have been thinking, how can I go through recovery if my preferences of online entertainment are possibly rooted in what I went through. as a child. How do you heal and grow from that?

Intimacy is a major thing for me, and I dont like being touched unless I initiate it first (or know where it's going), however, through pornography, I dont have to have that fear. It's gone. However, either way, I am left feeling empty at the end of it. Would love to know your thoughts on pornography. Is this something you can navigate successfully while dealing with your (c)sa, or is it something youve felt right to walk away from?

I have tried, and do try to walk away from it, but cant say I've ever had more than a few weeks success at any one time

How are you getting on with it?
 
I loathe it. My abuse left me sexually repressed for a long time, and I didn't look into finding any sexual content of any kind because of that. Now I know a couple of fellow survivors who were forced into porn at young ages, and the entire industry doesn't sit well with me because of it. I understand that there is "clean" porn, with people who are choosing to do it, but I just can't get my survivor friends out of my mind to consider watching it. Yeah, I'm a blast at bachelor parties.
 
Loathe.
I was a "star" in many such films and photos since the age of two. It colours my view of porn immensely.
 

Torres

Registrant
Hey, I know it might not be much but wanted to say to someone that I've made it through the weekend totally porn-free. It's been a very long time since I have managed it but just wanted to share with someone. Feeling really low at the moment with everything, and reading through "Victims no more" - a guide for male recovery from childhood sexual abuse by Mile Lew is draining, but ive managed the weekend porn-free - thats something
 
Hey, I know it might not be much but wanted to say to someone that I've made it through the weekend totally porn-free. It's been a very long time since I have managed it but just wanted to share with someone. Feeling really low at the moment with everything, and reading through "Victims no more" - a guide for male recovery from childhood sexual abuse by Mile Lew is draining, but ive managed the weekend porn-free - thats something
as they often say baby steps. Congrats.
 

Torres

Registrant
as they often say baby steps. Congrats.
Thanks. It's not holding the attraction it once had but havent been able to stop myself. Been trying to make a real effort not to and have been able to this weekend. Just trying to get through each day
 
I love pornography ... too much. I know that I use it as a coping strategy when I'm stressed, which isn't the most healthy strategy for me, since I would rather expend my sexual energy on my partner instead of by myself. A lot of my porn use also centers around similar themes as my abuse, which I also know isn't helpful.

A few years ago I managed to cut down on the porn use and use only vanilla porn when I did, but then a series of stressful life events plus the pandemic put me right back to using the bad stuff, and using it several times a day. Now I'm slowly getting back to where I used to be - where I control my porn viewing instead of the porn controlling me.

I know that porn use is my acting out behavior, and I have definitely used that fact to justify viewing it. At least I'm not cheating on my wife or using hard drugs or something, right? But I had to stop with the porn recently because we went on vacation, and that showed me how much more connected I could be with my wife without using the porn multiple times a day. I have nothing against porn, but for me life is sometimes better without it.
 

Guss

Registrant
I loathe it. It objectives all of us as people to be used for pleasure, and tossed to the side. So many peeps who commit csa were heavy into child porn.
Adult porn, same thing. We are more than just sexual human beings. Every single day we have to put up with rude people, jerks, and somewhat abusive people. I refuse to mistreat myself by lowering myself down to fantasizing about people I don't know, and I don't love.
 

AlexBoyd

Registrant
Is it not possible to fall somewhere in the middle between loving it and loathing it?
Is it not possible to love some porn and loathe other porn?
Is it not possible to love it sometimes and loathe it at other times?
Is it not possible to loathe something because you love it...do both at the same time?

Yes. Yes. Yes. And yes. At least for me. That's why porn is such a complicated thing for many of us.
 

Steve12rb

Registrant
I think porn can be good or bad, it all depends on the content and the creators. I only watch porn that uplifts and doesn’t degrade the people in it, and I personally find this porn very positive in that it shows me the kind of sexuality, expression, and relationships that I want in my life. It’s a mix of erotica and relationship-heavy porn, and it excludes the cheaper trashy porn that’s out there, but it has a positive impact on my life. Up until the last few years there’s been little positive representation of LGBT characters in any media. Certain kinds of porn can help fill in that gap to some extent.
 
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