POPEYE

POPEYE
M

Mr. Malaise

Registrant
I have come to learn that Popeye was a very wise man, I mean, um, cartoon figure. Popeye use to say I am what I am or I yam what I yam, either way the meaning is clear to me as a male survivor. I think it has to do with acceptance.

I carry a lot of negative emotions, fear, shame, anger, shame, quilt, shame, worthlessness, shame and then of course theres shame. These emotions have a tendency to spring up on me at very inconvenient times and inconvenient situations. In the middle of a conversation at work, making a mistake, not having an immediate answer to something, believe me the list goes on. My first reaction is to run from the situation get out now before it gets worse. I also beat up on myself how can you be so stupid? You cant do that!

Then I think I am what I am and it helps. I cant fight the emotions that tell me these negative things because at this point they are far too strong and sudden. If I fight them I make them worse. I have to learn to accept them. I try to change them but they arent changing fast enough for me. I am what I am. I guess for now they have to be a part of me, I dont seem to have a choice in this (and I get angry at having no choice).

Next time I am asked to help with a problem I may know nothing about, I will approach the problem saying come on shame, come on fear I guess you will come with me I am what I am. More than likely I will fix the problem (I usually do anyway) but if I dont, that is ok too. I am what I am. The acceptance seems to weaken their strength and I can comfortably finish the project I am working on.

Acceptance before change, during change and after change but I guess it is acceptance that is so hard. I hate feeling the way I do I want the feelings to go away NOW! But they dont, they have to heal. Healing takes time. I am what I am.

Jon
 
Jon,

I am so sorry to see you feeling so low. It is a place I think all of us are from time to time.

In the beginning, it is quite overwhelming to feel all this and not be able to wave a magic wand and make it go away.

But you don't have to accept it. Recognize it, yes, and then reject it for the lie that it is and set about healing. Usually we can't do this alone. Mikey here refers to these feelings and thoughts as the Committee of Assholes, and they are NOT you.

So fight the Committee with a bigger Brotherhood at your side and things WILL change.

If you are not in therapy, I would urge you to consider it. Four months have made me realize it can be changed, although I've barely pricked the surface.

If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me or any other brother here. We're glad to have you.

Peace,

Marc
 
Jon

I know the feeling, somedays at work I am OK and others, It just hits when you're not expecting it.

The other day I went to my boss and said sorry, didn't know you were on your holidays, instead of your lunch break, embarrassing to say the least.

I sometimes make a conversation and refer to say a girl in the office, and her name completely gets blocked, so I have to make an excuse to get out of the conversation, other times I get into their conversation and go off on another topic, then their is the perceived selective listening, when someone is talking to you and you just don't hear because your mind is switched, think maybe that one is linked to hypervigilance.

This is one I am working on, I hope you can get thru it too, if anyone knows a way, let me know, as I am tired of making excuses for behaviour that is not mine and should be in the past.

take care

ste
 
Jon

I am starting, finally, to realize that same thing. I am what I am. Except when I'm not! But seriously, I think too often, we feel ashamed of how we feel. We feel weak, we feel we do not have the right to feel what we do. We feel it is not right to have those feelings. But, we are people, we are worthy. Anything about us are worthy also. Including those feelings. We are what we are. Good, bad or otherwise.

Leosha
 
I yam what I yam and that's what I yam; if you don't like that you can eat my spinache cans.

We are what we are and what we make out of ourselves. To the h@!! with what others think. It is ourselves we look at in the mirror and sleep with.

Bill
 
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