Hi Jeff,
Some people just don't have the parenting instincts I guess, My father didn't have it, although he loved his Mother. He loved only three people, himself, his Mom & himself...in that order
I don't know if it was because he himself came from a broken home, etc... When my uncle (his brother) would come visit, when my kids were young, he'd call my father to let him know that he was robbing his blessing. That didn't change anything though. My kids couldn't pick my father out in a line up.
Adoption is a beautiful thing, you should've been told early and it shouldn't have been a "secret". I can certainly understand your feelings about just finding out now, on top of all their other shortcomings.
Ah yes, NY/NJ taxes... I feel your pain there. That sucks that they didn't keep their end of the bargain for the addition.
My Wife & I dream of retiring somewhere warm in 10 years, but know how much our kids & future Grandkids will need us & that we should be there at least half the year for them & for us. I've seen the difference when other families stick close (as long as there are no major issues) it's a beautiful thing. There are a few families in church like that, from great grand parents all the way down to little kids filling up a pew. I wish that we had that for our kids. I hope to provide that for my Great Grand kids someday.
What really matters in the scheme of things now, is how we have to be the change agents from the past generations dysfunctions (including our own). I want my legacy to be of how much i did for my kids, all the time i invested in them, how they knew every day that they were loved by me.
I took a friend & his sons camping & boating with us one time. His wife made the remark that it was so nice that I did all these things and that I included her family. I told her that this is a way to ensure that someday my own Grand kids get to do these kind of things, that as much fun as it is today, it is an investment into the future generations.