Police

I reported it, nothing seemed to happen, they didnt get him, as far as I am aware.
That was forty years ago, and I was ten.

Please report it though and make sure they keep you informed of progress,

ste
 
I did report it when I was in the hospital, didn't really have a choice. Only problem was I couldn't really give a good description, couldn't remember their faces all that well. Also I had no idea who they were or where they took me... it was all a blur at that point. The cops took the report and did a search for a day or two, came back and told me not to worry about it, that it was a random act and the perps probably left town by now...

thanks,
Jay
 
i was so little i have no idea of Mat's last name, or what he might look like now. i find solice in knowing there is an ultimate justice. for me, i know if he is evil, he will get what is coming to him when he stands and answers to God for his life. if he is good and has repented and changed his life, then he deserves not only God's forgiveness, but mine as well. for me that is enough, but my faith is strong enough to leave it in God's hands. i'm not sure everyone would have that strength, but i hope it helps you find closure.
 
It does help but I have no idea how you can find the strength to forgive someone after that.

You're amazing for even being able to say that!

Jay
 
I look at it like this, God knows our true heart. if Mat simply sinned and made a mistake. if somewhere beneath that he was in fact a good person, he deserves forgiveness as much as i do. i have done some things along the way i am not proud of, and i know i am forgiven for them. it is possible Mat simply made a mistake. he was very yound himself. if he made this his life's work, and is evil, in the end he will pay for it. if he has repented and changed his life, then that person is dead anyway. the new man deserves a chance just as i was forgiven and given a chance.
 
Jay,

I know its hard but we have to forgive, if we dont, then we just blame ourselves, and fall into the big guilt trap.

I think its a lot harder if we dont forgive, I had to, I was screwed up in my head and it was just doing more damage not to.

The only way,

ste
 
I agree, except that forgiveness cannot be rushed or it isnt real, because it has to come from the heart. dont force it. work on your recovery, and in time you will find it.

in abuse boys Mic Hunter warns against forcing any of this. each of us will progress at the speed and pace that we need to. before you forgive anyone, you have to face what happened, accept it and deal with all the feelings involved. i would say until then any forgiveness would just be superficial anyway.
 
"before you forgive anyone, you have to face what happened, accept it and deal with all the feelings involved."

That's a good one, I would love to know how to do that! Oh and thanks for the reminder... lol
Just kidding.

I'm trying to face it, that's why I'm here. So far this place has been really helpful and has opened my eyes to a lot that I didn't know. For the first time I was able to share just a little piece of my story and that felt just OK.

I have a big problem with forgiving the people who hurt me, especially since I don't even know who they are. The things they did were evil and hurtful and done with the intent to hurt, they made it personal. I don't think people like that could ever feel sorry. Also, although I don't blame myself I certainly can't forgive myself for putting myself into a situation where something like this could happen.

All I know is one minute I was just a normal average guy with a normal average life/friends/family, etc. and the next minute I'm this person who hasn't spoken a word too or even looked at his father for almost 4 years, who drinks himself into oblivion so he can pass out and not have any nightmares, who is paranoid, who is hateful and depressed on the inside. And what's worse is I feel like I'm lying to everyone I know... withholding info. is the same as lying right? They still see me as the Jaysen before the wee of March 25th when my whole life changed.

Thanks,
Jay
 
well, you are just at the beginning. take your time, and dont rush healing. you really can't anyway. what i found is i would try to make myself take the next step, maybe like getting angry about something, but if it didnt come from the heart, it really didnt help a lot.

talk and stuff here. it helps you become more comfortable with the fact of being a survivor. it took me like a year before i could come out to my wife, and about another year before i could walk into a therapist and lay it all out. each step when you are ready. you can't go to a therapist and get help if you arent ready. you'll just clam up and not do much good. anyway, in time things will become easier. just be patient.
 
Forgiveness is not in my vocalbulary for my abusers. I reported it to the police three out of five were convicted one recieving a seven year sentance but was out just before his halfway mark was up, one recieved a 300 fine and placed of the SOR for five years and another was jailed for three and a half years, yet I have still to enter a court of law to give evidence and it was me that triggered the whole investigation off.

Sorry but for me forgiveness is a no no ... and in a strange sort of way that is what keeps me going together with controlled and positively directed anger.

Kirk
"Lets grab this bull by the horns and swing it about a bit"
 
What I do know is that for you, it is still fresh, and a lot of different emotions to deal with is pretty steep.

Get to your doc for anti depressents, they can help you tackle the nerves in your brain.
Just tell your doc anything you like, but they are open to abuse survivors its their job.

I am glad you found this place fairly quickly, because it helps to talk it out.
You have to not blame yourself for not being able to identify them, because they will go on, to abuse others.

Hopefully the cops will find them soon, and bring some closure for yourself.
It will get a little easier over time, but find something to take your mind off, even if its a small bit of time,

ste
 
Jay - I also repoirted it in Oct 2004. I was abused in late 1969.

The police took it very seriously, and with some publicity locally, others came forward.

Conviction was achieved March 17th this year, but it was not the best result!

*note - this is England, UK.

I'd still do it all again!

Forgiveness, no never! He still denies it - if he didn't do anything, how can I forgive? There are many ways that I can envisage him dying slowly - I have no shame in thinking those thoughts!

Best wishes ...Rik
 
Not telling was the biggest mistake I ever made in my life. If I would have told, (I was 9 at the time and knew what would happen), the police would surely have become involved and I would have had to say things like "He did this to me and had me do that for him etc". It was the last thing on earth that I wanted to talk about so I didn't. If I had known the ramifications that the abuse would put upon me later in my life I would have told right away.

I have no idea what happened to him. He would be about in his late 50's now. I know his first and last name, and I have googled it and looked for his name on sex offender lists but I have come up with nothing. He dissapeared like a ghost. Hard to believe that someone of his ilk can remain under the radar his whole life.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top