Point of view

Point of view
A

Aden

Registrant
I dont have it all together. Never have, never will! The effects of my abuse will never leave me. The very best that I can hope for is: on most days I can use learning and understanding to overcome those effects. The desire or expectation that I might one day be free from the effects of abuse are one of the greatest roadblocks to my healing. It happened. That cant be changed or forgotten. All that I can do is find ways to work around it. Accepting the fact that I must deal with this is what makes me free to carry on with close to normal life.

Dwelling on a past that cannot be changed is not just unproductive, it its damaging. Altering our reactions to present conditions is what we must do. Dealing with present conditions, knowing the past, is how we make progress.

Mostly I must think about what I can do, as opposed to what I cannot do. Life gave me these limitations, and now I have to live this life. The power resides in me. I own this thing. It is mine. The places that I cannot go and the things that I cannot do dont matter. I am a whole being, unrestricted by false boundaries.

Accept what you have and progress. Or, despise your fate and argue against it. One way or the other, you are here. Choose to grow or choose to suffer. Deal with it or dont. Bitch about it or act upon it, you have choices.

Aden
 
Trust me, if it were that easy, we would have all "gotten over it" long ago. We're all in different stages of healing here, and I know I go through ups and downs within stages. There are times when I can look away from it and live a semi-normal life. But I act out. Or I can look my abuse square in the face, remember that that's why I'm playing out these old scenarios, and live a better life without the acting out.

It's a tough choice. I hope yours works for you.
 
Aden,

You wrote:

you have choices.
Click to expand...
And that is really a great way to sum it up for me.

Getting to the place where I realized that I had choices was a very long and painful process.

Now remembering that I have that possibility takes a daily effort on my part.

Finding the courage to make those choices and the strength to carry out the decisions I make is what takes a great deal of concious effort on my part.

Unfortunately, the bad habits that are the bastard children of my long practiced coping mechanisms are not that easy to shake.

At times they seem inescapable. At others, it just seems easier to do the old familiar routine, no matter how unsatisfactory the results may be.

One of my favorite twisted adages says:

"The road to hell is paved."

The path less taken, the one I feel most of us here are on, is likely to be filled with potholes, blocked by brambles or simply too much of an unknown for me to cheerfully follow.

So I do some bitching, and complaining and crying and moaning. But in the end I know that that paved road is the one I've taken before.

And I know today that ultimately that is not where I wish to go.

Where, exactly, I will end up following this path I choose, I do not know.

I guess we'll see.

Thanks, for the straight forward topic, Aden.

Regards,
 
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