Poetry, emotion, and the fear of being alone.

[cw]

I just posted a few poems, many of which I wrote years ago, while my SA was still way down deep, even out of my own sight. I wrote them in a time of great loneliness, just before meeting my wife. After meeting her, I quit writing completely. I am in a time of great loneliness again, with her withdrawl from me and our relationship. I just revisited these poems after writing "The Pledge". I was hoping for solace in my own words, another reason to cry, or some such nonsense.
Besides those things, what I found was the realization that I am deeply afraid of being alone, and have very little feeling of self worth. Perhaps one of the reasons my wife is unhappy is that she has spent years providing me with my own self-esteem.
What I am having a very hard time understanding is, How can I be so blind? If I had this insight before I met her, how could I pack it up in a box and start sucking the life out of her? How could I take for so many years, and not even know I was doing it? Why do I seek unhappiness?

My unhappiness sits
like a rainstorm
at a sand castle contest,
like a razor
in a child's Halloween apple.
It sits
on a bed of wheels
waiting to be
rolled out of the picture,
but it's cameo appearance
is becoming a lead role,
and it's all uphill
from here.

 

[sadanddown]

CW,

I have been reading your poetry. I like it a lot, a lot of it relates to me. Keep writing, it's good. I was trying to write some poetry last night, trying to cry, but I couldn't. I was trying to write something solid down...but sometimes I'm at a loss of words. I'll share what I wrote, all unfinished...I didn't have the words to finish them.

Listen to the sound
Of that poor child crying
Look at this man
Who inside is dying

Fifteen years
Of supressed emotions
Now all flowing out.........
------------------------
He wanted to finish you poem
But he couldn't write without crying
He wanted to finish you poem.......

Thats all I could write down.

(((((( ))))))
Jon

 

[cw]

HI Jon,
We both need to keep writing. Any creative form of expression is a good thing. Understanding is a long way off. Thanks for responding.

 

[reality2k4]

I love the poetry section of this site, it is written from such deep emotion, locked away for so many years. I am not so good at writing it, but there are those who can write from deep within their childhood fears. I think it is a very positive way of expressing these fears.
Each poem is a true picture of the poet, and will live on for always.

ste

 

[FlyWM]

I love poetry, I am a poet myself, I think that just goes to show that creativitey breeds through pain. I like the poem you wrote, and it kinda hits me, keep writing, as you said any creative expression is great, and a great way to let some of the emotions out.

Peace,
Scott