PM use - check post above
PM use - check post above
- Thread starterThad
- Start date
thad,
i'm an off-again-on-again visitor, and due to my poor recovery and current lack of a T, I'm in a "back again" phase. I appreciate your post regarding PMs, but I have one concern that I feel I should express.
While protecting the young guys here is certainly a priority, especially regarding concerns that they may be preyed upon or scared away or told too much adult detail...
I say this because in the year i've been coming hear, I've had two PM conversations with two of your teen members, and both were very productive.
In the first, I complimented the kid on his writing style. He was telling his abuse story in an open forum, but instead of addressing the content as i"m sure many would do, I let him know that his language and word usage were great and that he was a good writer... this led to a discussion about his school and how smart he was and what books he read...
In the second, I'm not sure if I started it or the kid, but I really felt like I was helping him be a stronger person. It made me feel good and I helped him deal with girls flirting with him on the bus. he hated it, he thought they were trying to hurt him... now maybe this isn't my role, but tell the kid that.
when i logged back in this week after months of not being here, this second kid PM'ed me within minutes to say he missed me. he seems much less afraid than when he did earlier this year, and I'm sure he has this site to thank for much of that...
My point is, that by absolutely barring communications between younger and older members, you are missing a real opportunity. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater here.
I'm sure you have some special protocol for enrolling young members. maybe you could monitor their PMs? this would give them the freedom to explore with other members with the safety of having someone over their shoulder?
I think barring them from PMs would be counter-productive.
Anyway, just my thoughts on the matter. This site is a life-saver.
Jim.
i'm an off-again-on-again visitor, and due to my poor recovery and current lack of a T, I'm in a "back again" phase. I appreciate your post regarding PMs, but I have one concern that I feel I should express.
While protecting the young guys here is certainly a priority, especially regarding concerns that they may be preyed upon or scared away or told too much adult detail...
I say this because in the year i've been coming hear, I've had two PM conversations with two of your teen members, and both were very productive.
In the first, I complimented the kid on his writing style. He was telling his abuse story in an open forum, but instead of addressing the content as i"m sure many would do, I let him know that his language and word usage were great and that he was a good writer... this led to a discussion about his school and how smart he was and what books he read...
In the second, I'm not sure if I started it or the kid, but I really felt like I was helping him be a stronger person. It made me feel good and I helped him deal with girls flirting with him on the bus. he hated it, he thought they were trying to hurt him... now maybe this isn't my role, but tell the kid that.
when i logged back in this week after months of not being here, this second kid PM'ed me within minutes to say he missed me. he seems much less afraid than when he did earlier this year, and I'm sure he has this site to thank for much of that...
My point is, that by absolutely barring communications between younger and older members, you are missing a real opportunity. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater here.
I'm sure you have some special protocol for enrolling young members. maybe you could monitor their PMs? this would give them the freedom to explore with other members with the safety of having someone over their shoulder?
I think barring them from PMs would be counter-productive.
Anyway, just my thoughts on the matter. This site is a life-saver.
Jim.
lostcowboy
Registrant
Hi Jim, hang on to that thought. I think Thad is right here. When I first got on here one of the young gay guys was talking about his new boy friend in a post, I gave him advice in the thread. I did not use a PM. This kept the conversation completely above board, and allowed other people to join in. Also if I had started to deviate from the guide lines on this site, I am sure not only would my post have been reported to a mod, but I would likely have had two or three guys on my case.
So I think these PM controls to be good. You can always ask your young friend to start a post, so you can reply to him.
So I think these PM controls to be good. You can always ask your young friend to start a post, so you can reply to him.
I have two thoughts to share, for what it's worth, from someone who virtually never uses the private message feature.
1. I wonder if trying to regulate PMs sent to young people isn't really getting to a deeper issue, which is whether it's appropriate to expose young people to the crap (for lack of a better word) that we're all dealing with here. I personally would not knowingly send a PM to a young person and I'm reluctant to offer much feedback to them at all. But still I do worry that they're seeing the crap that some of us go through and it must be disheartening and even frightening for them to think that this may be what lies ahead for them. Is this a good therapeutic environment for them, period? Does it perhaps make more sense to have a safe forum expressly for young people?
2. On the issue of discussing operations of the board in PMs, I would think this would be a good purpose for them. If someone is caught up in a dispute with a moderator, I certainly wouldn't want to make public comments to them about it, which would be fanning the flames. But I might want to let them know that I'm sorry for their situation and they might want to vent. It would seem that this type of off-the-record discussion would help, not hinder, the operation of this forum. In any event in my opinion, private messages between adult members of this forum should be just that: private.
1. I wonder if trying to regulate PMs sent to young people isn't really getting to a deeper issue, which is whether it's appropriate to expose young people to the crap (for lack of a better word) that we're all dealing with here. I personally would not knowingly send a PM to a young person and I'm reluctant to offer much feedback to them at all. But still I do worry that they're seeing the crap that some of us go through and it must be disheartening and even frightening for them to think that this may be what lies ahead for them. Is this a good therapeutic environment for them, period? Does it perhaps make more sense to have a safe forum expressly for young people?
2. On the issue of discussing operations of the board in PMs, I would think this would be a good purpose for them. If someone is caught up in a dispute with a moderator, I certainly wouldn't want to make public comments to them about it, which would be fanning the flames. But I might want to let them know that I'm sorry for their situation and they might want to vent. It would seem that this type of off-the-record discussion would help, not hinder, the operation of this forum. In any event in my opinion, private messages between adult members of this forum should be just that: private.