Please Pray for my husband

[aryanscrystallinenebula]

If you plan to continue posting at this site, please create your own profile to avoid any confusion. Moderators should be able to assist you with that process if you are encountering problems or delays.

Alex, not to worry. I've already registered last week. They have yet to approve me! It's taking so long to do that. I'm sorry about posting under my husband's account. It could not be helped. I don't read all of your conversations you have had with my husband. I just came by to let everyone know what I've had to do to help him. Maybe in the next day or two this forum will allow me to have my own account finally. Rene

 

[aryanscrystallinenebula]

Rene here,

You all are absolutely an amazing group of men. Thank you for your support to me.

I posted under Friends & Family because I am Family of a survivor. A survivor I love very dearly. Last week I registered under my own name. Still, I have yet to be approved. My husband needed immediate care so I thought it was only wise to let you all know. He thinks highly of all of you. So, I do apologize again for having to post here under his profile. If you all prefer me to wait to post until I received my approval, I can do that.

Thank you again for your support.

 

[Alex T]

I appreciate you keeping us updated Rene.

If there are any updates on Jake's health, and yours, I prefer you use this account rather than waiting. Thanks.

 

[Jim1104]

I agree with Alex. Post here as long as necessary. I want to know about an updates as well.

 

[aryanscrystallinenebula]

I appreciate you keeping us updated Rene.

If there are any updates on Jake's health, and yours, I prefer you use this account rather than waiting. Thanks.

Certainly, I can do that Alex, and Jim. I don't know what is taking the process so long to allow me in here. I registered last week. I will keep you up to date the best that I can.

I can tell you this. They don't serve organic anything at that hospital. He is not going to be happy on their food and drink regiment there. But he'll have to deal with it. I will keep you up to date.

I'm hearing that it may be a 6-8 week therapy at most 12 weeks dependent on his progress. I'm a psychiatrist so I know his boss at the hospital will require Jake to be healthy (physically and emotionally) and fully capable of fulfilling his role as a doctor, before he allows him back to work. His damage is quite extensive and where it was once easy in the beginning to mask, it's not so easy anymore.

So, I will keep you all up to date. I can't wait to get my own account request approved.

Rene

 

[Greg123]

I am so sorry for what you and your husband are having to go through. This is such a difficult thing to deal with.

 

[aryanscrystallinenebula]

I am so sorry for what you and your husband are having to go through. This is such a difficult thing to deal with.

Thanks Greg. It is extremely difficult. I'm accustomed to working with patients that have similar trauma issues as my husband. However, once a crisis, like this one, takes hold of one of your own family, and someone you love most dearly, it can knock you off your foundation and leave you scurrying to find your footing, again. That's the way it's been for the last month. Thank you for your thoughts Greg. Rene

 

[AlexBoyd]

Alex, not to worry. I've already registered last week. They have yet to approve me! It's taking so long to do that. I'm sorry about posting under my husband's account. It could not be helped. I don't read all of your conversations you have had with my husband. I just came by to let everyone know what I've had to do to help him. Maybe in the next day or two this forum will allow me to have my own account finally. Rene

Yes, hopefully they will approve your account soon. Thanks for the update.

 

[WG]

I will add, Rene, that I, too worked in mental health (and addictions) and as I stated in another post, I had to commit my brother. Just because we work in this field does not mean we must "social work" our families. I know you understand. He isn't your patient he's your husband. Big difference. Just like my brother. He required the care I could offer, but not in my own home. No.

 

[aryanscrystallinenebula]

I will add, Rene, that I, too worked in mental health (and addictions) and as I stated in another post, I had to commit my brother. Just because we work in this field does not mean we must "social work" our families. I know you understand. He isn't your patient he's your husband. Big difference. Just like my brother. He required the care I could offer, but not in my own home. No.

Hi WG, this is Rene. Yes. You are so right. We cannot "social work" our own families. You only get sucked into the vacuum of the issue. We are a family member, so that can make us vulnerable. He's my husband and I love him. He's counting on me to be his wife and to support him in this. It wouldn't work anyway if I tried to play psychiatrist to my husband. He wouldn't take me seriously. I became his wife as soon I graduated high school. He was already a doctor! It took me awhile to get through university. He thinks of me as his wife, his best friend, a woman he respects. When I appeal to my husband to make a decision, it is as his wife.

 

[mac80]

Thank you man. Very kind of you.



It's great to have support from all sides. I'm uncertain what you mean by "balance" of self-disclosure. I can only apologize for my overindulgence of my self-disclosure. I've only always just have done what I felt was natural, as part of being ready and open to disclose. And I even went back to put Trigger warnings on my sensitive posts. Most of the conversation of all of you has compelled me at times to disclose myself. As you all speak, I can relate. I feel I only disclosed mostly because you were all so open about your issues. Perhaps, in time I will not need to, at all. This is all raw and new to me still. I'm not well versed on how to disclose or if there is a correct way to talk. I only talk when I'm ready to. Also, this just happened. I guess I was trying to find anyone to help me feel normal. I was in a state of panic. I do apologize for that.

A man committed a crime on me just on January 18th of 2021. And he wants, more than anything, for me not to tell you what he has done. He has been successful to an extent. However, he wants me to remember forever the things he's done because he lay words in this absolutely crazy way, as a minefield in my mind so that I can't disclose. I can't even type out words if I know that you know that the particular word I'm typing is my trigger. There may be things I may never be able to admit or disclose. Those things and those words outweigh those things I have managed to bring myself to share with you. PTSD is actually a first for me. I am finding it difficult really to find balance with this whole thing. This just happened, so maybe in years to come I'll find that. Balance and normality is what I seek.

I appreciate @mac80 if you have any ideas for me. I'll need that honesty. PM me anytime. Thanks so much.~~Jake

Oh I just noticed that you responded to me. I can only speak for my own experience, so even when people ask for advice, I am reluctant to give them any, because I think a healing process is like a fingerprint. Everyone's healing process is totally unique to them. When it comes to finding a balance in self-disclosure, that has been a very long-term issue with me. And your situation, as well as the way you are dealing it with it is very different. That said what I meant is, when it comes to disclosing what happened to me, there are kind of two opposing factors, between which I have sought to find balance. On the one hand, telling people what happened to me releases negative energy that I've been holding in, and for me has also been part of getting support. On the other hand, telling people what happened makes me feel vulnerable, and it has taken me decades to learn that my intuition is very good when it comes to whom I should tell and whom I should not tell. Also I live in a culture here in New England where people pretend that they have nothing to hide, and here in my small town I feel like the culture teaches us that we should feel comfortable sharing our most private things. From what I have read about trauma recovery, a sense of safety is vital and necessary to begin or continue the recovery, so I guess this is a very long winded way of saying that if I am feeling very unsafe, and telling somebody what happened to me makes me feels even less safe, I just need to trust myself on that and trust that I will find the right time and the right people to self-disclose. If I were you I would be careful letting my experience be your guide, because I am a very shy person who spent a large part of my life without having any safe people to talk to.
And because of my experience, when I found out, that your wife and boss discovered what happened to you without you having control over how they discovered it, I felt pain on your behalf, because if it were I who had lost control of who was allowed to know what happened to me and when, I would have felt powerless and afraid. I think one of the reasons your situation is very different from mine, is that you seem to have really good emotional support from your wife and others very close to you. So maybe I felt too much pain on your behalf, and likely the people who found out, we're able to support you better.

If you thought I was talking about what you disclose here on MS, I think you've disclosed here in an appropriate way. I am not easily triggered, so don't worry about that when it comes to me, it appears you quickly learned appropriate etiquette for posting triggering things, so if you thought that's what I was talking about, it wasn't, I was just talking from my own experience about how for me it's important to have control over my own narrative. I grew up around there a lot of narcissists so, like I said don't use my experience as some kind of handbook. Hope I'm making sense here, probably over explaining.

 

[Stevedreamer]

Hello, I'm Jake's wife.

I just wanted to let you all know he collapsed at his therapist's office today. We thought he had a heart attack. He had a surgery in December on his bile duct near his liver and his gall bladder. That has failed probably because of his assault. His doctor is saying that he has sepsis and his gallbladder is rupturing. Jake's boss, who is the surgeon, discovered his sexual assault injuries. I had no choice but to tell the surgeon what happened to him. Jake's not told me everything and so I'm a little shocked right now. I felt the need to read what he's written. I'm not trying to violate his privacy. But he didn't tell me a lot of this. And so I'm a little shocked right now. I'm just fearful for his health. I know he'll be angry with me when he finds out I revealed the assault to his boss. Jake tried to send a message privately to someone here. He didn't make much sense. But he was asking you all to pray for him. He's frightened.

It's going to be a little while before he comes back. Those of you who believe in prayer, please pray for him.

Rene

Dear Rene and Jake,
I am a Church Pastor in the UK and I am also a survivor of abuse and I understand all that is happening to you both. I am new to this site but I assure you I will pray for you both in the next days and weeks. I am so sorry this has happened to Jake and also to you. Noone deserves to be hurt so badly and it is very hard to understand when you are a good person and just want to help others in your life. All I know that for me what was used to hurt me I have used to try to bring healing to other and to help make others stronger. One day Jake might be able to do this too.

 

[aryanscrystallinenebula]

This is Rene. Thank you Steve. You're absolutely right. We should be able to take our hurts and turn it into something positive. The kind of person Jake is I have no doubt that is just what he will do.

 

[aryanscrystallinenebula]

Hi. It's Rene. I see the forum sure is taking its time about approving my forum access under my own account. It's been 7 days since I registered here. I wanted to give you an update. I'm sure my husband will be ok with me giving an update to you; after which I hope I will have my own access to the forum.

Yesterday morning, at my suggestion, I went with my husband (with his final decision and by his own choice) to a neighbor state at a recovery center for PTSD patients. This place took us more than a few hours to get to. Jake drove us. One of the psychiatrists at this center is a colleague I went to university with. This center is highly praised and works really well with the patient in a special individual therapy coupled with drug therapy to be fitted to his needs; also includes (Jake's favorite) holistic program and nutritional eating, yoga, meditation and exercise. He will have group meetings and a private place of his own. It is a 60 day program.

There will be EMDR Therapy - Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. This will involve recalling some distressing images and triggers and will be an intense part of his therapy. Also, cognitive behavior therapy and exposure therapy. All of which are good for those suffering from PTSD and complex PTSD.

So when he returns, I'm sure he'll tell you all about it. I saw him this morning when we both spoke about the program together. He seemed in good spirits. He was rather quiet though. He did tell me he is looking forward to seeing what this program offers. I hated to say goodbye.

60 days is a long time for me.

Rene

 

[Visitor]

All the best to you Rene and to Jake. Thanks for giving us this update.

 

[Esterio]

60 days is so a long time, if it helps him it will not seem like so long when it is over. I wish you both all my best for a good recovery. Thanks for the up date.

Maybe you should contact a moderator and see if they can see what is taking so long to approve your account.

We are here for you as well Rene

 

[Jim1104]

I wish you and Jake well on this journey. I think it is great that he will be concentrating on trauma therapy. I am sorry it is a 60 day program but it will be well worth it. As the others have said, we are here for you. I hope the mods get you registered soon. Bless you all.

 

[WG]

Thank you Rene for the update. It does sound as if the in-patient facility is just "what the doctor ordered" so to speak......When I had to send a client inpatient it was normally to a facility hours away from our center I worked at. The reason is that for the most part the clients were still in the area they bought/sold/used drugs in. Trigger points at almost every turn. Being in a vastly different part of the state (my clients all had felony drug charges so anything out of state - or even the county - was out of the question.) The change of scenery and the people they interacted with was helpful.
I trust this is true of Jake as well. This will be a piece of your lives you will never forget (sometimes unfortunately) however with you standing with him in his recovery (yours, too) it will be something you might be able to use to assist someone else who has experienced trauma. Not as in "self-disclosure" since that isn't something we did in our professions, but just being able to listen empathetically.

 

[aryanscrystallinenebula]

Thank you Rene for the update. It does sound as if the in-patient facility is just "what the doctor ordered" so to speak......When I had to send a client inpatient it was normally to a facility hours away from our center I worked at. The reason is that for the most part the clients were still in the area they bought/sold/used drugs in. Trigger points at almost every turn. Being in a vastly different part of the state (my clients all had felony drug charges so anything out of state - or even the county - was out of the question.) The change of scenery and the people they interacted with was helpful.

I trust this is true of Jake as well. This will be a piece of your lives you will never forget (sometimes unfortunately) however with you standing with him in his recovery (yours, too) it will be something you might be able to use to assist someone else who has experienced trauma. Not as in "self-disclosure" since that isn't something we did in our professions, but just being able to listen empathetically.

This is Rene, hello WG. Yes, the change of scenery, getting him out of our state is much better for him. To be honest we went extremely far from home. We flew, then he drove the rest of the way. It was necessary to find the BEST place for him. He needs immediate care. The fresher this trauma is to him, the better it is to catch before it settles deep within him and puts up too many barriers.

I wasn't going to watch him hurt and suffer anymore like that. I had to be honest with him and tell him this is what he needed. Jake decided for himself to do this. I'm proud of him. He took the initiative to do this.

The information I divulge has to be less inclusive: where we travel, our names anything about us personally, as my husband has said to me, "Woman! Don't divulge too much!" And that goes without saying. It's mostly common sense. He needs to maintain his anonymity. I respect him to do that for the both of us and our family. I keep that in mind while responding to all of you. It is also to protect us and him from further harm. I like to generalize sometimes. I do apologize for that.

 

[Jim1104]

Hey Rene, you are making all the right moves. Do not apologize for protecting yourselves.