Please give me just a couple of phrases...

[Devon2BFree]

Hi guys. I hope this is the right forum for this request. I need to hear from my fellow MS. Our church is considering doing background checks on all our children's workers as well as requireing background check for all future children's workers. As I make the case for our leadership team to move forward quickly with this endeavor, I would love to share just a couple of sentences or thoughts from you guys. If our team understood the seriousness of this (as do we) I think they would move quickly. So, would you consider sharing two or three sentences as to why our church should do this. For example. Please do all you can to protect the children because... or My life as been so F!@#@! because of this. Any short sentences you can share that would help me make my case would be appreciated. Here is mine: I was screwed by a male church leader. The depressions, suicidal throughs have been overwhelming at times. The consequences of the perps actions have been far reaching (beyond my own pain and shame). I beg you to do all you can to protect other children. The journy to healing is long and difficult. Sincerely, Devon

 

[Lloydy]

The simplest of acts, such as making certain the people who will have contact with children are SAFE to work with them, will save future generations from the pain I have lived with for all my adult life.

Dave.
U.K.

 

[Sinking]

Child Sexual Abuse, while it does immeasurable damage to the child directly, is truly a crime against society. Lives are wasted, potentials not reached, dreams become nightmares, families are destroyed. It is the moral obligation of every decent adult to do all they can to protect the most innocent in our world. Keep them innocent. Keep children safe.

 

[WalkingSouth]

The greatest crime ever committed is that of the pain we as a species inflict upon our children. Some children manage to rise above it in spite of everything. For them I have great admiration. Others, no matter how hard they try, find themselves broken by it. These are the ones for whom I weep. May God have mercy upon us all.

Failure to take the steps necessary for the protection of our children is in and of itself an enabling act, and makes us just as guilty as the individual who perpatrates the abuse.

 

[roadrunner]

I would stress a few points:

1. It is not possible to determine whether an individual is safe just because he/she is well known and a long-established member of the community. Some pedophiles use this status to their advantage.

2. Some pedophiles abuse many children over the years and are experts at what they do.

3. The harm done to children lasts their entire life. Some do not begin to lead anything like a normal life until far into adulthood, and some never recover.

4. Checks should not become paranoid, but any well-intended person who can be trusted with children will understand the concern and will in fact be anxious that it be shown that his/her record is clean.

Hope this helps,
Larry

 

[The Seeker]

Caring for children begins with providing a safe environment. While such checks are not full proof, the Church has a responsbility to these children and their families. If they cannot recognize this, they should not provide care for children. CSA is devastating to an innocent child and would effect them for the rest of their lives. If you feel it is important to provide care, then provide the best care possible.

 

[Zipser]

Here's one from a different POV.

Failure to perform an adequate background check and/or provide oversight may make this organization liable for hundreds of thousands of dollars in civil damages per victim.

 

[Dan88]

How about this:

The days when churches are feared and immune from prosecution and civil suits are over. If you choose to let your organization be an instrument of child abuse, me and people like me will be sitting on juries that will happily send you and anyone else we can get our hands on to prison and will gladly force you to sell every piece of property your church has ever owned to attempt to make right the harm you will have caused.

 

[Morning Star]

SAVE A CHILDHOOD.
SAVE A LIFE.

 

[RICK57]

I'm not religious, but what's that one?

Suffer not the little children.....

 

[endlessjourney]

Child sexual abuse is the most incognito but the most damaging thing that could happen to a child. The sad part is, that children aid the abuser in hiding the truth because the abuser manipulates them to do so and by the time the truth comes out years or decades down the road, the damage has already been done. Stop the pain before it starts.

 

[endlessjourney]

Check this out!

"Would you want your child to be around adults without background check?" ...."Didn't think so!"

 

[OKIE MIKE]

NOT ALL WOUNDS ARE VISABLE

 

[Sinking]

Devon - I think it's important to remind the church administration that background checks do not reveal all predators. Background checks only reveal the monsters that have been prosecuted, not those who have been arrested and/or charged, only those who have been prosecuted.

It's been 30 years since I was abused. I know where one of my abusers lives and works and I know I was not his only victim. But if you ran a background check on him today he would come up clean, I know because I do investigative work and I've looked into has background, talked to his local law enforcement and checked through the sex offender registries.

Aside from background checks it would be a good idea to have a psychologist and/or your local law enforcement help put together a questionnaire for potential employees that would help to weed out those who might be questionable. - Peace - John

 

[ScottyTodd]

Devon - To look in the face of an angry, damaged abused child and tell them "I'm sorry! I should have known!" is too late! We adults need to protect our children whenever and however we can - for their sake! I'm a survivor of 8 years of preventable sexual abuse! All my adults could say is "I'm sorry" but that's not enough to excuse a lifetime of recovery!!

Howard

 

[Rivers]

To any board members who may be questioning the aftermath of child sexual abuse -you may want to visit Male Survivors web page and see the devastating results in the lives of Children who became men.

You must ask yourself,

Why would we not go to every length to protect our children?

If we had a perp in our midst and one child was affected could I live with that knowing I had the power to help prevent that?

With all the availble technology and access is there any reason that we can't do a background check on an individual?

Would I want my children (grandchildren) sexually abused?

Am I an abuser? Or would I protect a perp?

Rivers

 

[healing_inside]

"Being molested week after week from age 4 to 5 in the sunday school room bathroom. Read bible stories to me, eat snack, get molested"

Is this what u want your kids to tell u 40 years later?

I am living this nightmare 24/7 since i was four years old

Healing_Inside

 

[roadrunner]

Healing Inside, What a powerful statement. Of all the really useful points made in this thread so far, I think this is the hardest-hitting one so far.

I know this wasn't easy to say bro. Take care.

Much love,
Larry

 

[Devon2BFree]

Guys: Thanks for all the responses. This is very helpful and powerful. Still I am so very sorry each of us experiences what we did. I am determined to BE A BETTER PERSON INSPITE OF IT. I will do what I can in this case to help just this bit to protect others. You will be pleased to know our church leaders are moving forward with background checks. This won't "catch" all the perps, but this will be a great peace of mind as well as JUST THE RIGHT THING TO DO! Thank you for sharing your stories and insight. I read so much more than I post. Your stories have broken my heart and yet helped mend my own brokeness. Have a great day (evening).

 

[little alex]

you need feel no shame, it's not your fault, it's the other persons problem