Physical flashbacks, why won't it just stop?
So last night I'm having a conversation with my lady about books as we usually do. Part of the conversation at the beginning turned to menstrual issues in particular women in loos needing a tampon and having to ask for one.
Suddenly she used the phrase "It's a woman thing" and a switch went.
Bang! I suddenly flash back to the physical incident of a used tampon being stuck in my mouth at school, I even got the taste of the thing.
It was short, intense, and horribly horribly nasty.
Certainly it wasn't my wife's fault, we've discussed a lot of intimate things and generally they've been a huge help in healing, this wasn't even intended as a particular topic of discussion (it started with a discussion about fantasy authors and reporting personal problems).
I've never found discussions or reading about such things triggering before, but suddenly bang! there I am, reliving that memory.
Needless to say my wife was everything I could've hoped, she held me, stroked my back and was really sorry, indeed the thing I felt myself after it happened was an overwhelming sense of shame, I finished up crying and appologising to her since I hate! her having to deal with this, heck, I! hate having to deal with it, so I can't bare seeing the person I love most in the world having to do so as well.
Why can't this stuff just leave! yes, it happened, I was gang raped, old news, I know, i was there! tell me something I don't know! I don't need! this anymore, and neither does my wife. Can't we just love each other without this rubbish getting in the way? Really! why am I such a bloody awful mess!
Suddenly she used the phrase "It's a woman thing" and a switch went.
Bang! I suddenly flash back to the physical incident of a used tampon being stuck in my mouth at school, I even got the taste of the thing.
It was short, intense, and horribly horribly nasty.
Certainly it wasn't my wife's fault, we've discussed a lot of intimate things and generally they've been a huge help in healing, this wasn't even intended as a particular topic of discussion (it started with a discussion about fantasy authors and reporting personal problems).
I've never found discussions or reading about such things triggering before, but suddenly bang! there I am, reliving that memory.
Needless to say my wife was everything I could've hoped, she held me, stroked my back and was really sorry, indeed the thing I felt myself after it happened was an overwhelming sense of shame, I finished up crying and appologising to her since I hate! her having to deal with this, heck, I! hate having to deal with it, so I can't bare seeing the person I love most in the world having to do so as well.
Why can't this stuff just leave! yes, it happened, I was gang raped, old news, I know, i was there! tell me something I don't know! I don't need! this anymore, and neither does my wife. Can't we just love each other without this rubbish getting in the way? Really! why am I such a bloody awful mess!
