Physical fitness and survivors

[i-m-Bri]

I think as survivors we are particularly vulnerable to neglecting what was abused, our bodies. I treated mine as a dump, I prided myself on how much junk I could absorb and the sleep I did without. The reasons were multifaceted. My self hatred demanded exhaustion. Pushing myself in a paradoxical way affirmed my strength, but assured a steady decline into weakness.
I didn’t really start to grow and change until I became serious about taking care of my body. Maybe a lot of the therapeutic magic happened for me because of my issues. Trauma and circumstance destroyed my identity as a “real” boy, I dissociated from the physical. Training has help me connect and ground myself.
Us taking care of all aspects of our being is fundamental to our victory. It’s my hope that each and every one of us finds a path that lets us love our bodies. Move, feel, be.

My coach suggested I write a Fitness Mission Statement I want to share:

I will fight to grow my body, mind and heart.
I will build a physique that celebrates health, fitness and wellbeing.
I will affirm my manhood, my right to it and inclusion in it.
I will value my perspective no matter how unique or common.
I will treat myself and others with kindness, compassion and understanding.

I will strive to live authentically and openly inline with my aspirations. The purest being my desire to build a body that reflects my vast inner strength. I will not longer hide. I will manifest a body that expresses the density of my singularity. I will stand true to my entire being, honor who I’ve been and discover all that I am capable of. Along the way I hope to be an inspiration. I will encourage others to keep fighting for better, light and peace.

 

[Sterling]

I really enjoyed this.
Your mission statement really inspirational!

I learned that taking out my anger through
exercise (EXCESSIVE) . Wasn't good.
Just want others to be aware ; had I been careful I would
be swimming, jogging, weight-lifting.
Please if anyone wants to be in phenomenal shape , take
caution ,get some professional advice.
Its been years since I have done some serious exercise.
Thanks for your time BDD...
and good on you and for the rest of us w/ this needed post!

 

[i-m-Bri]

Thank you Sterling and great advice!
It's easy to mask pain in an obsession, excessive exercise is not any different.

Let the big goal be Phenomenal Shape if you want. But break that down into small doable steps and remember to enjoy the process. Start with where you are and make that just a little bit better.

 

[Hadrian]

I just saw this post & agree with both of you. Exercise is great & is incredibly therapeutic for me. But too much intensity could make it unhealthy for us.

I workout almost everyday, even on days when I decide that later, after my workout, that I’m going to have a few beers. I started this kind of therapy shortly after I recalled a lot of things that I repressed & I went overboard. I lost 70 lbs in three to four months & at just under 6’0” I was down to 150lbs. In my mind I was fighting against certain situations & people, myself included.

I’ve perfected my routine after having to have a line of the trainers at a fitness center I used to go to tell me that burning +_ 1000cal in the morning & again in the evening while taking in around 1200cal for the whole day was unhealthy. I learned a lot from those guys & began studying for my Personal Trainor Certification.

Anyway, I like the results much better now, too.

Good luck guys

 

[i-m-Bri]

Hadrian,

I am glad you stopped yourself before you got hurt.
Good luck with your certificate!

Workouts and exercise can so easily turn into a punishment. Our goals can so easily be distorted by our issues. I need to be sure I am working out of self love and respect.

With my permission my trainer uses progress photos of me on his facebook page. Until recently I couldn't stand having my picture taken. I especially couldn't bare to look at them. Yesterday he added one that just woke up all that old self hate.

Did I see how lean I was? Did I see how much straighter I stood? No. I attacked myself for what I haven't achieved. I berated my head forward, hunched stance, my lack of muscular development...blah, blah, blah.

Thankfully a series of private messages pulled me out of the nose dive. All that negative stuff may very well be true. BUT I am working my ass off and making progress. I am the guy I need to measure myself against.

I know I need to be careful. I could easily become one of those guys who just can't see what they look like, the self hate is ready to kick in.

 

[Hadrian]

Hi Bri,

I LOVE what you said, “I am the guy I need to measure myself against.” I couldn’t agree or relate more!

Yeah, the picture thing. I so hate pictures of myself that my wife & kids have always been upset that there are no pictures of me growing up when I was a boy or as a teenager or at any other stage in my life until I met my wife. And even now those are few & far between (I strategically place myself BEHIND the camera). I do have those pictures after I met her & some of my fitness (both mental & physical) journey when I became so skinny, & some of me today. And I criticize myself in all of those like you mentioned that you do. Those will be great, or would be if I decide that I want to be a personal trainer, but if I do I would have to work around people, so maybe what I’ve been learning will just be for me. The pictures I have do show me so much progress from being overweight to being underweight & to now be healthy. I just hate having pictures taken because I have to coach myself: “stand straight, watch your posture, etc, etc.”

Anyway, just know that there is someone out there, who like you, is trying to be healthy & who struggles with himself but is fighting a good fight for the person he needs to fight for. I still go a bit overboard, but I do my best to keep my thoughts in check while working out. Those thoughts though, invariably go the way that they always do (I guess it doesn’t help that I conjure them intentionally) & I end up pushing myself harder & harder.

I am wishing you luck, no, courage. I am wishing you the courage to face your obstacles as you move forward with your goals & that journey brings you peace & a feeling of personal accomplishment

Btw, if you ever want to compare fitness plans & ideas then please feel free to put them here or in a pm. If not it’s cool. I know that what works for one person doesn’t work for all people & I DEFINITELY don’t think I know the best way for anyone. I’m just always up for trying new exercise ideas.

Take good care, Bri

Will

 

[i-m-Bri]

Hi Will,

Thank you for your good wishes. They are so eloquent!

...that journey brings you peace & a feeling of personal accomplishment.

I am super psyched. I started a new program this morning. It's the first time I am doing full splits! Not sure if I can send PDFs in a PM but I will try.

Thanks,
Bri

 

[Hadrian]

Right on, Bri! Hit it hard dude! Splits??!! I haven’t tried those since I was a kid hahaha! I’m happy that I can lay my hands flat on the floor while standing, but I haven’t tried the splits in forever...a new goal to conquer! Yay!! Haha!

I am curious about your new program since it has you excited to begin it!

Have fun & take good care!

Will

 

[JamesHere]

I call it Muscle Meditation, when I lift weights I feel lke I am in a very quiet room, where i can literally hear my heart beat and feel my blood pumping. I feel my muscles becoming bigger and surrounding my heart to protect me. Ya I love the results, but I would still do it even if I did not grow one inch. When I have a bad night I can reach under my bed for some dumbbells and just though myself into pumping until I practically fall on the bed and I can have dreamless sleep. during the day of I get a trigger I know I am safe at the gym lifting. I know in my head it is on one level an addiction , just like sex, but it soothes ind calms me.