Photos of the abuse

[TeeJayUU]

Triggers - sorry!

I know I'm not the only one here who was photographed while being abused. I know years after this abuser raped me at age 9,(I read in the paper when I was 22) the police found tons of images and such.

That is unsettling and scary (and dirty and disgusting feeling...) That pictures of me could be "out there".

Just curious if anyone else has dealt with this.

 

[Sterling]

MY SPERM DONOR ! He videotaped me naked as a kid.
I get anxious wherever I see video cameras, and
when I see people video taping.
I hate it!
Also I was shamed by pulling my pants down so my sperm donor's
family would laugh at my penis.
I have a hard time being in my underwear around others ,
I couldn't get naked in front of anyone.
I would like to smash stupid's video camera over his fucking head!!
I wouldn't want anyone to go through what I am going through.
Thanks for sharing TeeJayUU.
Have a nice day!

James

 

[zookeeper]

My uncle took Polaroids of me in and then out of a bathing suit when I was 7 or so. It's a little fuzzy in my memory, not as distinct as some others. But I can remember him making me hold my lips as if kissing his erect penis for what seemed like a very long tine so he could take multiple pics.

I don't know what he did with them, but I am horrified at the thought. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
Zookeeper

 

[Dan99]

I was photographed naked with my brother by our abuser. We were 7&8.

He said he destroyed them. Dont know if its true. I hope he did.

Nof sure if ive dealt with it per se. I used to worry about them but since ive become a bit more open about the past i see them more as just one more sick attack on me. If they somehow surfaced i know i could face it. And if someone tried to shame me about it i'd blast them.

 

[traveler]

my fear is a little different - OK, maybe a lot different.

i never had photos taken of the abuse, but all my life i have been afraid of crossing paths with one of the abusers. There were at least half a dozen peers and older boys who were part of the systematic abuse and bullying and probably more than 20 others who witnessed parts of it.

i have always avoided facebook and anything that would show photos of me as a child or teen or put my full name out there. I have been afraid of someone either intentionally or by chance running across them and making contact or just knowing something about me beyond what happened back then. there is so much shame attached to it.

Lee

 

[TylerZ]

x

 

[Willhelm]

I was photographed during the torture of the "hook" phase of my abuse. My perpetrator took pictures of the punk inside of my ureathra and my whole naked boy person. He lied to me and said if I told anyone he would show them the picture.

What is unsettling to me is that there was a dark room his house - early 80's - and that maybe there were more "photo shoots" that I don't recall. Can't control any of it. Sadly, these images are a hot commodity. I wonder if he's digitized them to trade and or share. Also, hope that he's not getting off on these photos of me to this day.

TylerZ said it - you are not alone.

 

[Tom E.]

How dreadful for all of you to have gone through this.

 

[Suwanee]

I didn't realize he took pictures until four years ago when one of his other victims told me about them. The summer following my camp session, the perp was discovered to have a stack of Polaroids hidden in a duffel bag under his bed.

A handful of them were supposedly of me. To this day, I don't recall hearing or seeing a Polaroid camera when he did what he did. Allegedly, they were destroyed after they were found, but how can I be sure that was really the end of them? Were there more? The perp was fired, but the authorities were never called, so I still wonder. I don't feel like going into too much detail, but the camp pictures at age 13, and some unwise decisions as a college student make me a bit paranoid thinking pictures are on the internet.

I'd be less than candid if I didn't admit the fear of this has been a real bear to take on. It lingers even as I've addressed other aspects reasonably well.

Will

 

[Duckie]

deleted

 

[greenwizard]

I can't imagine. Don't think any pictures were taken of me, though I was so out of it who the hell knows. I just know that I'm very touchy about other people knowing.

 

[Chris4TheMill]

Guys, I am so sorry to everyone who has had this happen to them. I cannot say I know what you are feeling with your own personal stories, some of them sound rough. I did have one instance though where I felt shamed and sick to my stomach from being photographed.

I was around 9. My dad took pictures of me against my will, naked. It only happened once but it was traumatic because it was my dad and he tricked me into doing it; long story. I felt betrayed, confused, shamed, helpless, and sickened by the whole experience, especially after I saw the photos. The photos are in a box somewhere with other family and childhood pictures. When I feel strong enough to look at all those photos, I am going to find those specific ones and burn them!