Peter Pan

[Ken Singer LCSW]

Let me start off by saying that I would have not chosen to see Peter Pan this weekend. We had our 12 year old grandson for the weekend and our daughter had her 3 year old god-daughter with her and we all went to see Peter Pan.

A little background for those who are not familiar with the work I do professionally (which my wife also does). We work primarily with sexual abuse victims/survivors and abusers. I am seeing a couple of pedophile/boy lovers at the present time. I had in the back of my mind when my wife and daughter said we were going to see Peter Pan at the movies that I might pick up something that would help me understand these people better.

I've been aware for years that there is a difference between pedophiles and boy lovers to some extent. The chief difference is that pedophiles want to be sexual with pre-pubescent children and boy lovers see themselves as "honoring" or "worshiping" the "boyness" of their love objects. Boy lovers do not necessarily want to be sexual with the boys they "admire/love", although they often cross over the line and sexually molest them making them no different from pedophiles and other sexual abusers. Obviously, this is harmful and exploitative of the victims.

In the case of one of the men (who has not abused a child as an adult) I am working with now, he mentioned today that he took his 8 year old daughter to see Peter Pan a few days ago. He said the boy lover email lists have been buzzing for the past year about the movie and the actor who play the title role (a boy of about 12-13 who looks like a younger Leonardo DiCaprio when he played in "What's Eating Gilbert Grape" 10-15 years ago.)

This man talked about how he was so entranced with the features of the actor and although he denied feeling sexual towards him during the movie, admitted he had sexual fantasies afterwards. He knew that his fantasies would have been harmful to the boy had he acted on them in real life and wanted to be rid of them, although he did not know how to do it.

He has this attraction and "love" of the "boyness" of boys that was the core of the movie. The author of Peter Pan, like the author of "Alice in Wonderland", were pedophiles, by the way. Whether they actually acted out their literature or fantasies, I do not know. However, they had some sort of "love" towards prepubescent children.

I write this not to explain or justify the behaviors of pedophiles, whether they call themselves "boy lovers" or something else. I am sharing information for those who ask, "What the hell were these $%#&(*%^s thinking?

There is power in knowledge. The more one (read survivor) understands why people do what they do, the less self-blame and guilt survivors should feel.

I suspect this post will generate some controversy. I believe that the more information one has, the more power and understanding one will be able to use in one's life. It is unlikely that most survivors will be able to talk to their perpetrators for information about what they were thinking or what motivated them to do the terrible things they did. However, if you can get some information from other sources, it can help you sort things out.

Since this posting is in the Film section, it may not be an adequate review of the movie with the comments above. If you want to know what I thought of the movie, it was a good flick for kids or those who love the story of Peter Pan. If you read this far and think about the dark side of the author, you may not want to watch it.

Ken

 

[brian-z]

Maybe its just me but I always felt there was something sinister about both Peter Pan and Alice in Wonderland. When I was 11 I saw a stage production of Alice in Wonderland at De Anza College, it gave me nightmares. The thought of being trapped in a dream is about the most terrifying thought imaginable, for me at least. As for Peter Pan, I dont like the character of Peter Pan, he seems malevolent to me. Like he had a few plans of his own, and maybe hook wasnt quite as bad as Peter made him out to be. I got the same feeling watching a trailer for Peter Pan, I think I'll skip this movie.

 

[Lloydy]

Lewis Carroll -

One of the few things that engaged Carroll was young girls. He frequently had them over for tea, more than he had adults over, and enjoyed photographing them. The subjects were often nude, but his close acquaintances insist it was an innocent passion. His niece commented:

'He...seemed almost quivering with delight at the prospect of playing with four or five little girls' (Cohen, 284). He had an odd, and of course frustrated, love for little girls -- in part identifying with them, in part substituting 'child friends' for more difficult and responsible adult relationships (Lennon, 223). Carroll became particularly fond of one eleven year old girl, Alice Liddell, the daughter of the dean of Oxford. He wrote the Alice stories for her, hence the name of the main character in those tales.

Carroll's interest in young girls is mirrored through the identity of many of the protagonists in his writing. Most of Carroll's main character's are little girls. In Alice's Adventure's in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass, the protagonist is a seven year old girl. In Sylvie and Bruno, one of the main characters, Sylvie, is a young girl. Also, there is a certain amount of innocence radiated from the characters who are young girls unlike the young boys. This is exemplified in the contrasting identities the heroine Sylvie and mischievous Bruno in Sylvie and Bruno

And on top of that was his well known liking for opium.

But who knows exactly what these guys did back then ?

The modern day 'boylovers' though are some seriously worrying people.
The organizations such as NAMBLA are well run and slick. They (mis)quote respectable scientific research and psychologists to give themeselves respectability, and self justification.

I think that it's quite reasonable to expect that the ones who just "worship from afar" and not abuse, or are at least at a high risk of abusing, are a very small minority.

They can call themselves whatever they like, they're dangerous to children.

Dave