personal power and self realization

[markgreyblue]

i was thinking about abusers

i was very upset -
literally getting sick in the toilet - as i do -

but then - i got to work as i need to do-
i got to work looking for a job -

i started to trust my interpretation of
what i encountered

i honored the advice i was given as true and a good thing - but then adding it to the context i now was in - i knew the context created a
nonapplicable scenario -

i decided to leave go home and reassess my plan of job finding -

i walked home
i got comfortable and enjoyed my pillow -

i started to realize how little i knew -

how i sat there - and knew the similiarity

that some ppl share is their lack of sense of personal power -

perhaps abusers see their sense of self only in
power dominance

yet the difference is - as i got a sense of myself there - how i too had no sense of personal power - it
came sometimes and yet gone the other -
nothing a disconnect -

somehow not real -

i sat there and i did not want to be just blindly powerful

and so i thought

gently started seeing relatinships around me

important =

i have been a little bit of a pollyanna at times -

and yet also i think i can adjust to compensate
for the level of confidence i have right now -

i think that power in general may not be bad
in and of itself - it is the basic responsibility

or ability to be responsible with one's personal
power that may be the measure -

like right now i kind of feel like what i would really like to do is be a kind of personal assistant -

that essentially would be something i would feel very confident and able to do- plus it would give me an opportunity to develop a lot of relationships - in a low profile position
all the while learning about the business environment - and the business i am in -

it could be rather cool - and i really know how to do that -

that is my personal comfort level at this time -

it may change -

 

[Cement]

Sounds like a great idea. Re-evaluating where on the power scale one wants to be is tricky for us.

We need to reclaim some power, yet we know firsthand the destruction power can wreak.

I was fired from my job as a Hollywood talent agent long after I had realized that I was not interested i the type of power an agent needs to crave to be succesful. I just wanted to help people.

Now I am a teacher, just about to start my first contract after working as a sub for a half a year and studying (and taking tests and going through background checks - seven of them - and writing no ess than two hundred pages) for the last year. I am nervous, but I know I have found the right place, which is not to try t force anyone into anything, but to inspire and to help.

Best of luck to you, Mark. You will find your way.

I give you a saying my therapist gave to me that helped me tremendously when I was stuck a couiple of years ago: "Don't just do something, stand there." One occasionally needs to take time to look around for which direction will work best on our journey.

Peace,
James

 

[Ken Singer LCSW]

Mark:
It can be empowering when you don't let the abuser mess with your brain and don't let the abuse affect your life. It's like ridding yourself of a tumor that just saps you.
Ken

 

[ForeverFighting]

Don't let the abuser mess with your brain and don't let the abuse affect your life? Now, why didn't I think of that?

Just kidding, Ken.