Personal Hygiene

Personal Hygiene
R

reality2k4

Registrant
Hmmm,

pretty tough subject, not really.

If I have a bath or shower, I can feel dirty minutes after. I know I am clean, but my mind always thinks different.

I know this is something of the past, but it is one of the many other things that depress me.

One of the things that also bugs me, is being so close to someone, I have to breathe the same air.
Am I the only one who is potty about things like that.

Another one is, if I go out to town, I come home and scents etc from the night linger inside my nose, like I cannot get rid of them, it is like I can physically taste the stuff.

Yuck, thats what bugs me,

ste
 
Never experienced anything like that Ste. It sounds a little like an obsessive compulsive disorder. But maybe I've just been watching too many pop psychology TV shows, ala Dr. Phil.
Peace, Andrew
 
STE,

I have felt dirty at different times. As I have healed they have become less and less. A lot of the times when I felt dirty I was usually triggered by something. Usually it was sex, or someone making advances at me that I did not want or even someone touching me. I for the longest time had a hard time being touched by anyone. To this day there are certain people that I do not want touching me. I have had a hard time (and still do at times) with people being in my personal space too. You know those people that when they talk to you they are 2 inches from you. I can not stand that and I always back up or have them back up.

So you are definitely not alone. But it does get better, as I have gotten better and progressed in my recovery. I think they are a direct result of CSA.
 
Dominic,

for me, it is only men who invade my space, and if they touch me or stand too near, then they dont know where it is going to go.

Should I really say, one false move and you are out.

I dont know where the perfume/scent thing lies, but I guess it may have been something from a long lost girlfriend, and I am just having flashbacks to love lost, I dont really know.

I have to go on touch therapy course sometime in the future, and hope it works.

ste
 
ste,

I think you do what makes you comfortable. For me if I am not comfortable with how close some one is I just move and if they move closer again I tell them. Being able to acknowledge that and be ok with saying that when need (you do not have to be rude) is part of the key. When we were abused we did not have the choice to do that. Part of recovery is being able to speak up for ourselves. Nothing wrong with that. When I first started doing it I was very uncomfortable but it gets easier.

YOu are well within your right to move back a little and if needed say hey could you stand a little bit over. It is not easy to do but it is ok to do it.

My abuse was mainly by a men, but I had some female abuse too that was not nearly traumatic. Most of the people that trigger me are men, so I understand what you are saying.
 
Ste, I've also felt "invaded" by smells, particularly strong colognes and perfumes, but also by room fresheners, cleaning products, car deoderizers, etc. I know what you mean about it lingering inside your nose and not being able to get rid of it. I think a lot of people would be annoyed, or mildly put off by such things, but because of those ol' chronic boundary violations we grew up with, we take them on a much deeper, more visceral level.
 
Ste,

I'm glad you brought this up, as I think it affects a lot of us, or at least I can imagine that it does.

Once I began to emerge from denial I found it very difficult to keep up with various aspects of personal hygiene because of things that had been done to me. Brushing my teeth, for example, is a big trigger because of this, and I still keep changing toothbrushes. I took 4 to the States in November I think! I have always showered rather than take a bath since I was 14, because of the games the abuser inflicted on us.

I am also badly triggered by a certain sweet aftershave - it actually makes me panic and become nauseous. It turned out that this was probably the aftershave the abuser used.

The list could go on. I guess it just goes to show how powerful the emotion of feeling polluted by abuse is.

Much love,
Larry
 
Larry,

sometimes I cannot put a toothbrush in my mouth without balking and feeling sick.

Just a note about the aftershave odour, it does not even have to be the same smell, it just has to have the same base chemical, that is what is strange and how we can be triggered by odour.

The above can be explained by this, if you are triggered by sweat, then all sweat will probably be a trigger.

I walked to the post office today, and just felt like my feet were jelly, it just comes over me, and I think it was because a guy was behind me.
I pretended to tie my laces to let him pass.

What else.....,

ste
 
While driving I used to fear, what if the neighbouring car would hit me or scrape thru mine, I drove so safely that I got too tense to enjoy the drive.

I did the same with life.

Now I am learning to relax and trust that there is someone up there loves me and will protect me.

I dont have to worry about bad drivers, I know I can protect my self, further what really am, pure light, cannot be hurt.

That is my freedom from fear.
 
Abhi,

I guess that God helps me along this stoney path.

I can just feel do dirty sometimes, and I guess, sometimes I am, maybe not, but I have this thing where I can just sweat and then feel so cold.

ste just thinks was it worth the fight to be here, and was he worth it.

I dont know, all out of guesswork right now, like he is never quite right, not ever, he fucked it all up, just like he always did,

I should have started another thread on who is the greatest fuck up, and it is me,

ste
 
Scents can affect me, also, along with certain songs on the radio, certain weather patterns, certain makes of autos, etc.

I will almost literally vomit over the scent of baby oil. Try explainging that to your wife, who knows nothing about your abuse, when you have 2 babies. Fortunately for me, she liked the smell of medicated powder.
 
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