perp attacks

perp attacks
S

shadowkid

WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shado
one more page in my so called life ,has anyone ever had the perp come after you? if you know my story my abuser tried to apologize at my grandmothers funeral ,it was just a trick to screw with my head ,guess it worked ,i refused to talk to him .yesterday morning i got 3 letters in my mail ,all postmarked from the state where he lives ,3 different towns.he was here 3 days ago ,must have sent them before he came here ,oh god how can someone do things like this?the only thing inside the envelopes was 3 photos ,the first one is a boy about 10 or 11 years old smiling at an amusement park it takes a minute to realize ,shit that kid is me!! it was when my perp took me to disneyland,,now i'm freaked in the next one ,same kid just a headshot but he has been beat up real bad maybe a day before ,his eye is swelled shut ,lips are busted up ,blood dried on his face ,the last one ,same kid curled up like a dog on the floor of a dirty closet.i been lost in panic since i saw them everything he did is running through my brain and i can't stop it!he can't do this to me ,not now not after all i did to make him stop ,it's not fair!! how could he have pictures of me after 10 years why didn't the police find them? i gotta make him stop .i took the pictures to the police but they said thet are not illegal ,they are checking the address's and calling his parole officer but that won't stop him he is to smart to get caught.they promised me he would never get out of prison .are they gonna help me now? he is trying to make me crazy i think it's working shadow
 
Shadow, first dont give him the power to play with you. Yes your photographs are hurtful but then you have accepted that reality and know for fact that they represent your past and they have no place either in your present not your future.
That way, he can no longer use it to either blackmail you into submission or even touch you emotionally. Make your life all about your future and not about your past, walk away.
love
 
His parole officer can easily reinforce a "no contact" order on him (or you could get a restraining order but if he is in another state, that may be difficult to enforce). If he is on parole, the threat to bring him back to prison should cool his jets. This certainly smacks of harassment. If you are not sure if he is on parole, you might check the Internet sites in his conviction state to see if he is on a Megan's Law registry or Dept of Corrections posting. In NJ, there are two lists. Not every sex offender makes the Megan's List but all DoC inmates get posted on the other list.

Good luck.
Ken
 
Shadow, sounds to me like he can't stand defeat. You proved to him that you had overcome all of the things he did to you. You stood up to all of them. That innocent little boy had not only survived, he had won. His life would be a success. He didn't need any of them.

Your perp could do nothing to the man you have become, so he went back to attack that little boy again. It's a rotten thing to do, but perps are rotten. And to think they wanted you to forgive him. You have taken wonderful care of your little boy. He is safe with you. Let him know that. It is natural for him/you to react this way. What a horrible thing to be reminded of such pain in such an awful way. You're stronger than he is, Shadow. In a very real way, those pictures prove that. He couldn't get to you in any other way, so he stooped to one of the nastiest, cheapest shots I have ever heard of.
You survived, Shadow. You won. He's still buried in his awful past. Keep talking to us, Shadow. This has to hurt really badly.

Bobby
 
ken and everybody thanks for your advice ,yes he is on parole ,but because of his plea he is not a sex offender ,it was dropped for the other charges . he had permission from his p.o. to come to the funeral and is only allowed in california now .i can't prove he sent the pictures . it was like getting punched to see them ,i know it is in the past and i have talked it out here but it didn't seem real i didn't really feel like it happened to me somehow ,the pictures showed me , me, beaten and broken ,it really was me !!i want to reach into the picture and save that boy .it's like i am split ,i am 21 and grown now but i can feel the 11 year old still here too .am i going crazy ?in some crazy way it seems like i should be able to help the boy ,but it is in the past i can't go back in time and be his hero .sorry i'm kinda spacing out today ,i even still have the pictures right here in front of me ,why can't i just trash them ,somehow i need to look but i don't want to .it's so weired i feel like i was there with him as an adult and he is asking me why didn't you save me . better go before i get to crazy here .thanks adam
 
Adam,

I am at a loss for words, I have no idea what to say. The others have given good suggestions. I can think of nothing more to add in the way of advice.

I too would like to be able to reach into those pictures and save the boy, but I can't. I would love to be able to reach through this computer and save the man, but I cant do that either.

Adam, my friend, just know this, you are very much in my thoughts and prayers. And you will be there for as long as it takes.

Love you bro

Darrel
 
Adam,

I too would love to be able to do those things for you that Darrel talked about.

One thing I would say though Adam, is that each one of us has that "Little Boy" inside of us. I'd heard about him but had never been in touch with him till about 10 days ago when I bought myself a stuffed lion. I was sitting alone with him just holding him. Suddenly I felt like I was 6 years old again. The little me was telling me he needed me to take him to talk to his mother, tell her how hurt he felt by the way she had treated him.

Adam, "Little Adam" is needing your help. He got you through the abuse and the trial. Now he is needing your help to make him realize that he is safe once again. You are a very courageous man, my friend to do what you've been able to do just in the last 2-3 weeks. Bobby said that you are stronger than the perp. I believe that shadow. I've seen it in you. You've dealt with him from a position of strength so far. You still can. He can't hurt Little Adam because Big Adam is stronger than the perp.

One of the guys that used to be on this forum said something one timt that really grabbed my attention. He said Let's thank our younger selves for getting us this far, they were incredibly brave little guys.

Continue to persue all possible avenues in seeing that the guy is dealt with by the authorities. Don't take no for an answer. What he has done is a serious violation of his parole. You might also want to consult with a lawyer if you can seeking ideas about what can be done.

Just a few thoughts. Adam. I hope things get better for you. All of us here are here when you need us. Just give a shout.

Hugs

((((((((((Adam))))))))))

John
 
Hey Shadow-
Your story really got to me. You've been through alot, as we all have in our own ways.
I didn't realize that you are 21 years old til I read the above post, and I've got to tell you that you are quite a powerful young man. I don't
think I had it in me to deal with the stuff you've dealt with at your age, when I was there, as I am now 45 years old.
I agree with other posts in that any legal action to stop this perp ahould be initiated.
But, the thing I really want to convey to you
is that you have already begun to take care of that 11 year old boy that you see in those pictures. Yes, the wounds are deep and still feel raw and new, but the reality is that it is in fact 10 years later. You are a man today and you've shown that in how you've dealt with all your recent family drama.
The way you are handling the events in your life today truly are that of a warrior, and that is something an 11 year old boy can be very proud to look up to. Know that!!!
Do something really cool for yourself if you can, just to celebrate both the man and the boy.
Fun, life affirming! You deserve it-
I don't know if this is what you wanted to read, but I think that after you're seeing those bloody pics of yourself at 11, it's important to honor where you are today and affirm that in a positive way.. And by the way, take a new picture and look at how far you've come.
Peace and strength
 
Hey Shadow-
Your story really got to me. You've been through alot, as we all have in our own ways.
I didn't realize that you are 21 years old til I read the above post, and I've got to tell you that you are quite a powerful young man. I don't
think I had it in me to deal with the stuff you've dealt with at your age, when I was there, as I am now 45 years old.
I agree with other posts in that any legal action to stop this perp ahould be initiated.
But, the thing I really want to convey to you
is that you have already begun to take care of that 11 year old boy that you see in those pictures. Yes, the wounds are deep and still feel raw and new, but the reality is that it is in fact 10 years later. You are a man today and you've shown that in how you've dealt with all your recent family drama.
The way you are handling the events in your life today truly are that of a warrior, and that is something an 11 year old boy can be very proud to look up to. Know that!!!
Do something really cool for yourself if you can, just to celebrate both the man and the boy.
Fun, life affirming! You deserve it-
I don't know if this is what you wanted to read, but I think that after you're seeing those bloody pics of yourself at 11, it's important to honor where you are today and affirm that in a positive way.. And by the way, take a new picture and look at how far you've come.
Peace and strength
 
SAVING THAT LITTLE BOY...

Isn't that what we all want to do? And the major part of our capability to heal our selves comes with our ability to include our past into our present and our future, by lovingly embracing it lovingly.
And that is what makes us whole and complete once again as we no longer feel broken.

...BY LOVING THAT LITTLE BOY

Today I decide to pick that little boy up, and love him the way he always wanted, and I know deserved as well. To fill his life with so much joy that all his pain of the past seems like a tiny glimmer in the pool of love. All he ever wanted was our presence, our attention and our love. So that he can come out and have some fun under the sun. I decide gift him all my love today!
 
Shadow, an amazing thing happened to me during the time I was trying to sort out all of the things that happened during my abuse. I had been working so hard to get to my child and to help him and to love him and to show him the way, etc. Then, when I was in that state between awake and sleep one night, it was he who came to me. He helped me to understand the things that had happened to him/me and helped me understand the emotions or lack of them he felt....all of the ways he had dealt the abuse. It made a huge difference to me and to my recovery. I haven't been able to communicate with him like that again, but I thought it was amazing that, when I really needed him, he was there for me. Our kids were amazing and strong people who had to fight to live through some terrible things. That strong core is what has kept us alive. When you look at those pictures, feel sorry for that little guy. The things they did to him were horrible things. But notice, too, what an amazingly strong soul and determination to live he has. He is an amazing human being. And so are you. Together there's no way they can defeat you.

Bobby
 
Shadow,

Not sure if this is helpful ... if your perp touched either the pictures or the envelopes his fingerprints might be on them. If he licked the envelopes or stamps his dna might be on the envelopes. Again not sure if this helps.

Courage-Wisdom-Spirituality
 
No return address, right? Before opening up any mail at all check to see where it came from then if you know it is from his area just go back to the P.O. and send them back. You don't need to have any more victimazation - Don't put yourself through it. If it is something that you know is OK - ie if it has a return address from someone you know then you know it would be safe. Don't allow him in in any way - that is my suggestion.
Rivers
 
Shadow - when you look at those pictures, remember that you did not do that to yourself. You and the boy are one person and you need to forgive each other. I went through the boy blaming my older self, and my older self blaming my younger self....put the blame where it belongs, with the evil creatures that do these things!

Best wishes ...Rik
 
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