Partner is pushing me away
Partner is pushing me away
- Thread starterCharlie15
- Start date
BasementBoy
Registrant
Hello @Charlie15.
Welcome to MaleSurvivor.
Isolation can be a common symptom of PTSD - but isolating yourself from your partner can be a sign that maybe things should take a break for a while. I don't know you or your relationship - but from a Male Survivors point of view - the best help; is to just be there and not to push anything.
Try to be there, anyway you can - as distractions and hobbies and stuff seem to be my go to - to distract myself from memories of abuse and trauma - and if your partner is not having it; that is there loss.
It's hard to say what is going on as it sounds like your partner is building a barrier between the two of you; maybe due to the abuse and trauma, hard to say. But regardless - we welcome you on this forum as feeling alone or even helpless In these situations everybody deserves help on.
If you need anything we are here for you - I know it can hurt; I had an abusive partner I had to walk away from who would play mind games with myself (completely different situation than yours) - but I still have feelings for him even through all the hurt.
Blessings and warm hugs,
Honeeecombs
Welcome to MaleSurvivor.
Isolation can be a common symptom of PTSD - but isolating yourself from your partner can be a sign that maybe things should take a break for a while. I don't know you or your relationship - but from a Male Survivors point of view - the best help; is to just be there and not to push anything.
Try to be there, anyway you can - as distractions and hobbies and stuff seem to be my go to - to distract myself from memories of abuse and trauma - and if your partner is not having it; that is there loss.
It's hard to say what is going on as it sounds like your partner is building a barrier between the two of you; maybe due to the abuse and trauma, hard to say. But regardless - we welcome you on this forum as feeling alone or even helpless In these situations everybody deserves help on.
If you need anything we are here for you - I know it can hurt; I had an abusive partner I had to walk away from who would play mind games with myself (completely different situation than yours) - but I still have feelings for him even through all the hurt.
Blessings and warm hugs,
Honeeecombs
from my own experience. let him know that you care for him. and the love you have for him didn't change, give him time so that he can figure things out, When I finally told my wife about my abuse, I got very quiet I felt confused, to me it felt like the world was coming to an end, I didn't want to talk about it because I didn't want to cause my wife any more pain than I already did. So many years went by since then and I can said that we are steel happily married is not always going to be an easy road but if is true love you will make it, I am truly sorry for what you are going through be strong and take care of yourself.
hugs Lino
hugs Lino
.aseity
Registrant
Along with the support here, I myself have a rough relationship, but it's a lot to be dealing with. Both partners are always going to juggle life while being there for each other and maintaining ourselves.
The ways my heart aches don't always make sense to me or my partner and we've had so much devotion to each other, but it has been out to the test. Over and over again our relationship is put to the test.
I still work on myself not to push my wife away, and she has accepted the heartache of knowing portions of my past that actually made it harder on her, just knowing me and her love for me is incredibly protective of me. She wouldn't let anyone hurt me
It's still difficult because of me though, I guard my broken heart on instinct and even though I have grown so close to her and she to I. The ways I isolate and hurt alone definitely bother her, and show me how to overcome what I deal with.
The closer she gets to my emotions, the more I can't control the other emotions I have shut off in the past.
The moment I feel happy and loved, other emotions come out as well and this makes no sense at all for her unless she looks through the veil of my self defense, and she gets closer to me, and my innermost pains, she doesn't understand why the pain remains in me when we have been nurturing our relationship for over 12 years and married for 5 years.
We are both learning to be kinder to me.
I have been here for her in so many ways over the years, and I never actually shared much of my personal struggles until she got close enough to my lonely heart.
When it was finally about me and what was going on with me, and I had to open up to her, it was hard.
I always told myself I am over my past and I did a lot of difficult tasks for her without knowing how hard it was, because pitted against my past, nothing is too much for me.. truth is though, the closer we get, the more I resist my emotions.
Love and support are keys to open up the door to emotions locked away, but opening the door isn't the hard part. He will have to sort through it and clean it up the best he can if he wants to offer you the relationship you deserve.
Sometimes letting others care for us feels like it hurts them to help us. and. I still see it this way..
Whether or not he is able to withstand this solitary pain to the pain you would otherwise inflict on each other, is completely on him, but love and support are the keys to open the door to having each other.
Wishing the best for you both! I myself would do anything to be with my wife and son, so I ultimately own up to my past and try to reach balance. Sustainable balance is something I am trying to create for myself and my family.
Time will tell.
The ways my heart aches don't always make sense to me or my partner and we've had so much devotion to each other, but it has been out to the test. Over and over again our relationship is put to the test.
I still work on myself not to push my wife away, and she has accepted the heartache of knowing portions of my past that actually made it harder on her, just knowing me and her love for me is incredibly protective of me. She wouldn't let anyone hurt me
It's still difficult because of me though, I guard my broken heart on instinct and even though I have grown so close to her and she to I. The ways I isolate and hurt alone definitely bother her, and show me how to overcome what I deal with.
The closer she gets to my emotions, the more I can't control the other emotions I have shut off in the past.
The moment I feel happy and loved, other emotions come out as well and this makes no sense at all for her unless she looks through the veil of my self defense, and she gets closer to me, and my innermost pains, she doesn't understand why the pain remains in me when we have been nurturing our relationship for over 12 years and married for 5 years.
We are both learning to be kinder to me.
I have been here for her in so many ways over the years, and I never actually shared much of my personal struggles until she got close enough to my lonely heart.
When it was finally about me and what was going on with me, and I had to open up to her, it was hard.
I always told myself I am over my past and I did a lot of difficult tasks for her without knowing how hard it was, because pitted against my past, nothing is too much for me.. truth is though, the closer we get, the more I resist my emotions.
Love and support are keys to open up the door to emotions locked away, but opening the door isn't the hard part. He will have to sort through it and clean it up the best he can if he wants to offer you the relationship you deserve.
Sometimes letting others care for us feels like it hurts them to help us. and. I still see it this way..
Whether or not he is able to withstand this solitary pain to the pain you would otherwise inflict on each other, is completely on him, but love and support are the keys to open the door to having each other.
Wishing the best for you both! I myself would do anything to be with my wife and son, so I ultimately own up to my past and try to reach balance. Sustainable balance is something I am trying to create for myself and my family.
Time will tell.
Thank you that makes a lot of sense. I have spoken to him tonight briefly only through text and he feels like he is not a man as if he was he wouldn’t be throwing everything away. I’ve tried telling him he isn’t I’m still here but I don’t think he believes me.
He has helped me through my struggles and I know I can’t him but I just want him to understand he is not alone, he’s an amazing man and I’m here even though we are apart.
He has helped me through my struggles and I know I can’t him but I just want him to understand he is not alone, he’s an amazing man and I’m here even though we are apart.
I am happy to hear that your conversating it's a good start, it's a process that takes time. keep loving him as much as you always did he needs you now more than ever.
Best wishes
Lino
my personal feeling is for you to give him space he needs time alone if anything you might suggest for him to use this site all of us do understand what he is feeling, there is a great deal of support here for him and you as well
.aseity
Registrant
And funny gestures to surprise him when it's helpful.
He allows himself to be distant to heal, he'd probably allow himself to eat a home made dessert or accept the occasional compliment.
Your smiling face and unconditional love may offer him brief moments of joy for him.
I myself struggle to show happiness unless it's like.. life changing happiness in which I cry .. lol.. but I have to let my spouse know that I still enjoy going out to places and doing regular activities together. It means the world to me.
I think it's great that he's off on his own, that shows you he is not going to be entirely co-dependant upon you. Which in all honesty, co-dependancy can smother a relationship after so long.
Find common ground, have awareness of each other, safe words even. Find out what makes him more comfortable and help replace those negative feelings by slowly introducing a more positive influence.
Maybe he actually like you to the ends.of the earth but feels the need to protect you, or sometimes he can confuse affection for abuse. It's a lot of things.
Between talks and time together, it's a lot of butterflies and nervousness if it will go well between you two.
Be real and up front and let him witness first hand that you are cool
make life as normal as possible, but let it be as unpredictable and crazy at the same time.
If his internal world becomes too much he may feel the need to deal with it personally or take time away from his stress. Hard to keep up with all the fluctuation but it's real life . Enjoy the little things for a long time, and the big things that happen so sudden can be balanced out along the way.
, Johnathan
He allows himself to be distant to heal, he'd probably allow himself to eat a home made dessert or accept the occasional compliment.
Your smiling face and unconditional love may offer him brief moments of joy for him.
I myself struggle to show happiness unless it's like.. life changing happiness in which I cry .. lol.. but I have to let my spouse know that I still enjoy going out to places and doing regular activities together. It means the world to me.
I think it's great that he's off on his own, that shows you he is not going to be entirely co-dependant upon you. Which in all honesty, co-dependancy can smother a relationship after so long.
Find common ground, have awareness of each other, safe words even. Find out what makes him more comfortable and help replace those negative feelings by slowly introducing a more positive influence.
Maybe he actually like you to the ends.of the earth but feels the need to protect you, or sometimes he can confuse affection for abuse. It's a lot of things.
It's not uncommon for us to admire others from a distance and no matter how much we adore the other, they may never know it.
Between talks and time together, it's a lot of butterflies and nervousness if it will go well between you two.
Be real and up front and let him witness first hand that you are cool
make life as normal as possible, but let it be as unpredictable and crazy at the same time. If his internal world becomes too much he may feel the need to deal with it personally or take time away from his stress. Hard to keep up with all the fluctuation but it's real life . Enjoy the little things for a long time, and the big things that happen so sudden can be balanced out along the way.
, Johnathan
seeking_courage
Registrant
That sounds really hard. I imagine that telling you that he was abused was a really big deal for him. And, sometimes when we tell our story to a significant person in our life what we experienced can become even more real and can be followed by intense shame. It is not uncommon for men who experienced abuse to feel like less of a man and try to hide their past from others. Many men never disclose for that reason. It sounds like you are doing all you can with him. I would just recommend getting the support you need through this.