Part of an email

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Part of an email
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This is a part of an email I sent to some friends today, as I am finally back on the computer with some time I have been off it. It was something important that happen to me, that 'speak' to me, and I wanted to share it here, I am sorry if it do not make so much sense.

Something happen, when I was coming home from hospital yesterday, I came home early because I was so tired and my parents were there. First, I posted this, some time ago, of when I was little, I wanted to put it here, to explain why yesterday, it had such meaning to me. This is part of it:

>>I reemember one most important thing when I am growing up. I think I was four, or five, and I am out for the mushrooms with my grandfather, and there is this rabbit that is running near us. And I start to chase the rabbit, and I catch it, and am holding on to it and trying to pet it. And my grandfather teach me something. He ask me, which is stronger, you or that rabbit. And I say me. And he say, which is bigger, you or rabbit. Me. Which is smarter, you or rabbit. Of course, I have to think on that one, because I am not ever thinking I am so smart. But I say, me. And he tell me, you know what is most powerful thing you can do with that rabbit? And I ask what. He say let it go. It show much more power then anything else you will do of it. And I think that true, it is much more power of a gentle hand then a violent one.
 
Andryusha,

I am sitting here deeply moved by your words. You are right about being open to the 'awakening' feelings inspired by the circumstances of our lives and the world we're connected to. Obviousness worked for the biblical patriarchs like Moses -- the rest of us get beautiful moments with rabbits in the snow.

I am particularly affected by your post because my own recovery has had some potent rabbit imagery in it that began in a dream, but then played out into reality. Shortly after beginning to address my problems and how they might relate to my history of incestuous abuse, I had a dream that resonated very powerfully with me, and I discussed it with my therapist.

In the dream, I and my partner were visiting friends in the country. Our friends took us to visit some friends of theirs who lived in a large house with several acres of fields and woods around it. I wandered away from everyone, through the house, and out into the wooded clearing behind the house. There was a small wooden shed back there, and in front of the shed was a rabbit cage. The rabbit was brown and gray (I have brown hair shot through with gray!), and looked scared, hurt, wounded and very possibly near death. As I was looking at the rabbit, a middle-aged woman came out of the wooden shed. With her was a large and ferocious black dog. The dog immediately ran to the rabbit cage and started lunging as if to try and get at the rabbit. I was very scared for the rabbit, and I asked the woman "Doesn't your dog kill the rabbit?" And the woman told me, "No, if it wasn't for that dog, that rabbit would have been dead long ago." And then I woke up.

My read on this dream is that it was about the power of dysfunctional behavior to be adaptive. The things we do that are frightening to us, that seem likely to hurt us, that seem to be out of our control, are things we were and are doing to survive, to keep our weaker, hurting selves alive. Our "dogs" keep our "rabbits" alive. It took a wise woman in a wooden shed to teach me this in a dream.

A few weeks after having this dream, I was in fact staying with friends in the country who live in an old farm-house in central Virginia. This is real, it really happened. One fine summer evening, right at twilight, I wandered toward the edge of their property, where there were a few lounge chairs. I sat down in one, only to find that there was a rabbit watching me. The rabbit was sitting right out in the open, and seemed unusually calm. I stood up, and walked around a bit, but the rabbit never moved. It kept sitting there and watching me. That's when I heard a rustling sound in some nearby bushes. I walked over to the bushes and saw a baby rabbit, not even as large as my fist. Mother rabbit was sitting and keeping guard over her baby. So rabbits can be strong and brave and nurturing; they do not only have to be scared and struggling and wounded. It was a very powerful moment for me. It really happened, and just weeks after an important dream about rabbits. Oh, and the mother rabbit looked exactly like the one in the dream.

Andryusha, I know that in the real world, we have to let rabbits go. We are stronger, bigger, smarter. It is only right to let rabbits be rabbits, to let them be. But you are so right, too, that there is a powerful urge to hold them and to protect them. This is right and good, too. Hold and protect your 'rabbit' until you're ready to let him go. It is the essence of healing, I think. I know I will have my 'rabbit' with me for some time to come, but eventually I must let him go, too.

Andryusha, spasibo bol'shoye for your words. Being alive requires being open to looking at the connections between ourselves and the world and finding the meaning in those connections. I look forward to reading more of your posts in the future.

John

And Happy Russian New Year!
 
Androsh,

Sometimes it pays to come to MS and read before I send emails. LOL So, as for the email I sent to you, "Never mind."

I love you, little bro.
 
Androsh,
You bring a good cry my way is Sunday morring. How much I needed you story this day. Thanks

Your words make great sence to me and i will try to take them to heart. Tom
 
Androsh, My friend. That is one of the most powerful posts I've ever read. And so simple. I sat here in tears as I read.

Thankyou.

Lots of love,

John
 
Andrei - I understand your message perfectly. A fascinating experience that you so willingly share.

Thanks...Rik
 
Andrei,

With an attitude like that and enough of us working together, do you think we could make the world a better place? I think we could!

Darrel
 
Putting this back up, because I meet person in chat named 'Rabbit' and I was telling him I have learned much from Rabbits. This is the story I was meaning.
 
Andrei,

Somehow I missed this the first time around. What a powerful post, and you are so right. Thanks for bringing this back for us to read it again.

Much love,
Larry
 
Andrei,

Posts like this are what make you so special, within yourself, and for this site. Thank you for sharing this here. I was lucky enough to get the email, and was moved by it even then. It's nice to revisit it now.

Leosha
 
Andrei,

Thank you for pointing me to your lovely message. Your level of awareness must be great. I love how you are open to the idea that your experience can be the heroes story. The simplicity of 'Let it Go' is only part of its beauty. May I apply it in my own life.

John's message pointing out the value of the rabbit and the dog is also very powerful for me.

I think I shared with you in chat that the nickname Rabbit was given to me by my great grandfather, who first saw me bundled in a hooded one piece winter snowsuit, complete with ears. I chose to use his name for me here in hopes of reconnecting with the hopeful eyes of the baby me, before life's darker side clouded the view. I'm confident that hope is growing stronger in my heart each day.
 
Rabbit,

only thing I know about them is they bite.
Mine only bit me, even after giving him a good home to live in, but he still bit me.

I even made a mesh run around my garden but he still bit me.
I guess it may have been the people who had him before me who made him like that.

Heck, I was too young to think of those things, or was I?

ste
 
ste-

In my humble opinion, rabbits are horrible pets. They bite, they produce mass quantities of waste and they offer little in affection or companionship.

I respect that in the wild, their timid nature masks a fierce drive to survive. I hope I'm a little like that. ;)
 
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