parenting without my own crap getting in the way?

[jacats]

So I got this 7 year old kid. He has behaviour issues he isnt totally in control of, which is important, buuuuut i sometimes am trying so hard to be a good parent that i let him get away with everything. I grew up with uninvolved or abusive adults(foster). Its like im always thinking about what they did, so i try real hard to do the far opposite. That makes his behaviour worse, i get madder and the madder i get the more i remember what i dont want to do, which stresses me out so i go even more easy on him to prove to myself im not like my foster parents were.
This kid came to me from foster care so he has a background. He also has hearing and fasd stuff going on, but he neeeeeeeeds to learn to behave and i need to not panic that im going to fuck him up by disciplining him.
Its not like i need ideas to make him behave. I need to learn not to run through my own shit when hes acting up, then worry I'll do that, and then to prove i won't, do nothing.
Because doing nothing makes him act worse which makes the whole thing worse omg its an issue!

 

[i-m-Bri]

jacats,

That's so hard. There is a line and you know what it is. Being strict is necessary, being firm is necessary. You know what is abuse AND neglect. Trust yourself to grow with him.

 

[AuthenticMe]

My eldest child has behavior challenges. For tips on how to parent without unnecessarily escalating punishment, you might want to check out the work of Daniel J. Seigel. I read No-Drama Discipline, which was great, and have heard that Whole-Brain Child is also good. My wife read Parenting from the Inside Out, which was very insightful for understanding how her upbringing impacted her approach to our son's behavior.

If therapy for your child is an option, you may want to explore it, especially given his background. It's done wonders for our son.

Hope this helps.