Pain and Spirituality

Pain and Spirituality
G

Garion

Registrant
I'm finally reaching out to others to help with the pain I'm going through and I don't know how to do it.

I watched a movie (Mysterious Skin) and i've been a walking raw nerve since. I've been crying all the time.

I've recently gone to my UU Minister and she suggested an "8 day" residency program for abuse victims. I don't know If I could handle that, but my concern is right now. I'm in pain and don't know how to handle it.

no one aound me realizes the pain i'm going through. Even my partner doesn't quite get it. I'm practiced at the deception of being happy but I think even that facade is crumbling.

I've been in recovery from alcohol and in therapy and it seemed to work for a while. Decided to focus on my spirituality. It's all I got left.

Need to learn and understand what i'm goin' through and if anyone has had experience with a residency program for abuse recovery.

Thanks,
Garion
 
there's a method for coversation

and discussion that one mod - 'tallsteve'

can give a 'hand' on

he has worked with a group called "Landmark"

and also a men's division - "mentoring" group

where there is a focus on - when talking

giving your listener " a context"

and then narrowing your discussion

--- it's really interesting -because it brought to light some conversations that I had -

that 'worked' but then also gave reason why some

'did not work' - but then again -

there's no guarantee that you will match with folks right away -

sometimes - just 'throw it to the digital screen'

and if someone says something - anything

you may learn from that - to see how people understand it -

or maybe - how you can learn from your understanding by others perceptions -

or say - that's not what i meant at all

but ... a point to start

communication is tough -
 
spirituality is very difficult -

i would keep your talks maybe to one topic

pain or spirituality -
but

that's me - simpler is always better - as

religion or politics - can at times - flair

the flame - if you are not an old friend -

or even if you are -
 
Garion,

I think you need to look into this residency program and see what all it contains. Not all programs are good for everyone.

I also think you should discuss the program with a T with the same question in mind: is this particular programm going to help YOU in the ways you need?

Much love,
Larry
 
Thank you all for your responses.

Roadrunner: What specifically should I look for in a reputable program. Length of time in existence? How do you determine, once you determine what it contains, if it's right for you? "with a T" i'm not sure what that is.

Markgreyblue: Ok, let's say I just focus on one thing. The pain. Right now I feel like a raw nerve, I cry with little cause. What do you do with these feelings? I'm sure there is anger in there somewhere. But right now I just hurt.

I need a hug but don't want to be touched. I need support but don't want to ask for it. (Reaching out was tough) I want forget/deny the whole situation, but I know based on my defense mechanisms, it won't work. I'll just end up back here in pain.

I feel defective. I try to communicate and my thoughts are fragmented. I'm all over the map.
It shows when I'm in a professional situation where my communication skills breakdown. It shows in my motivation (or lack thereof) to take care of myself. I now respond to social situations like a child, unsure, uncertain, hesitantly, suspiciously and I get hurt easily.

Looks like I may be bringing in more than just "Pain" in this conversation. I don't know if this is a forum where all this can be discussed.

Sabata: Hang in there, I only have a teaspoon of spirituality that started in my 12 step program. I believe my spirituality is whatever I want it to be and it seems to be developing now. Going to my minister has at least allowed me to open up this much and it's got me to at least open up here.

Still learning and open to possibilities.

Garion
 
Garion,

If I were considering a week-long retreat I would want to know things like the following:

1. Who's running it, and from what perspective? Is that perspective one that I feel comfortable with?

2. Do the organizers and facilitators have experience with the specific issues of men who were sexually abused as boys?

3. Are the facilitators professionals with recognized qualifications?

4. Does the organization planning the retreat intend to contact you beforehand to ensure you are ready for such an experience, or does it simply accept anyone who will pay the fees?

5. How long has the organization been organizing retreats? Are there alumni who can comment on how they were helped?

6. What will the ratio of facilitators to survivors be? You will be best served by working in small groups where you will get a lot of personal attention.

7. Does the organization sponsoring the retreat have insurance to cover cases where a survivor is badly affected?

A T is our "code" for a therapist. It would be a good idea to be working with one before you attend a retreat, since the T will be able to advise you on how you can best be helped and how you can follow up on what you have learned after the retreat. A religious leader or advisor is not qualified to offer such advice in any serious way, in my opinion.

Much love,
Larry
 
Larry,
Thank you for the insight. It is much to think about. I will let you know what I find out.
Thanks.
Garion
 
Sire G,

You are singing my theme song.

You've mentioned so much of my tendencies -
and things.

I am not sure I have an answer -
My thoughts get fragmented too -
I want to give you my best possilbe answer -

Maybe just keep talking daily - about the frustrations -
and each of us - can offer something?

what we did in that situation?

and then too - I always thought someone was better - anyone was better -

Each of us - has ideas of how things should be -

what interpretations et al -

You are not defective - You are very smart -
and articulate -

I feel you put so much pressure on you - it's something many of us do -
but maybe find some kind of balance -

i for one - would like to work at painting and writing - maybe this is my balance

I am not sure if I can - or if being alone - will help or harm -

but anyways - I don't have that option right now -
so i have to find the next best thing -

keep on keepin on-

Mark
 
Mark,

I would like to also paint or write. I don't think i'm good enough at any of them. I wanted to write about what happened to me. The few people that i've told my story to can't believe it. (I know the men here would.)

I've become successful in my career, in spite of it. But I feel like i'm lacking. I always feel like I'm not good enough at anything. I often feel like people really don't like me. (doesn't that sound paranoid.)

(I also can say things here that I wouldn't elsewhere.) I'm always "on guard" about what I say and what I do everywhere else. I'm always trying to tune into people's feelings and react to them.

I suppose these are symptoms we all exhibit. I'm probably not any different than any other victim here. Speaking of victims, I used to think that the victims of the priest sexual abuse needed to "get over themselves" and get on with their lives. I did. But then again I'm here spilling my guts into a computer hopeing that i'll find the answer.

Still here.
Garion :(
 
You said in a previous post

Right now I feel like a raw nerve, I cry with little cause. What do you do with these feelings?
Click to expand...
The Dalai Lama teaches about a form of meditation called "Tong Sala" (I dont have my book with me now so ????spelling)

It teaches that when we feel this way we meditate as follows ...

"May my pain equal all the pain of those who have suffered the same as me, in that through my pain, they may feel less pain"

Thats not a direct quote, its my interpretation of a Dalai Lama teaching.

Basically when we feel shit, we accept and take on others peoples woe, such an altruistic gesture helps us heal.

I recommend "the Dalai Lama - The Art of Happiness" and "The path to tranquility" if your interested.

Helped me know end and he explains it so much better than I do!
 
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