Pacing myself

[outis]

It feels almost fitting to be posting this now.

Victor, I guess you recently got a copy of Mic Hunter's book, since I think I recently saw you mention that you had heard of it but hadn't read it.

Well, I went back to it after your thread about Constructive Anger. And I went back to my copy of the Odyssey, too. "Abused Boys" was one of the first books I read when I started working on this, and the first specifically for male SA survivors. Reading it again at this time, though, I'm getting a lot more feeling. Anger, and sadness/grief.

I do want to use my anger to help me work against the laws that let perps get away. I want to work to make it easier for a boy to recognize abuse when it happens and make it stop.

But I'm not ready for that yet. I felt this evening like I had set myself a timetable and was already falling behind.

I went back to reading "Abused Boys" and didn't get to page 10 before I was punching the bed and cursing. Inside part of me is crying.

I'm not sure why I'm actually posting this instead of cutting it out and saving it in a file again. It's after 10 p.m., so I can't blame the lack of a first cup of coffee this time.

BTW, the Odyssey is just a great story.

Thanks,

Joe

 

[dwf]

Joe,

I'm glad you didn't wait to post this--I'm not sure coffee is strong enough for what's got you down.

I do want to use my anger to help me work against the laws that let perps get away. I want to work to make it easier for a boy to recognize abuse when it happens and make it stop.

But I'm not ready for that yet. I felt this evening like I had set myself a timetable and was already falling behind.


You are doing it my friend. You are making it easier for a boy to recognize abuse. Every time you post, reply and offer comfort and strength to a fellow survivor you are doing an invaluable service for those boys.

You're doing what most politicos, professionals and law enforcement cannot do. You are offering up yourself, your own life experience in the face of hostile ignorance so that you can heal and offer aid to those suffering the effects of abuse.

No one else can share your experience the way you do.

I've got to say how much your thoughtful support has helped me. Without that support I know I would have not been able to stay here and grow.

You are right. This is goddamned hard stuff to do. That's one reason why most people don't dare try.

You not only tried, you are succeeding at chipping away at the cold silence that breeds abuse.

I've felt that way too--it was yesterday I think.

There is a rhythm to recovery. You know it is a process and not a result. We will probably never be done growing and learning and loving. So God arranges these little rest stops for us. We need to rest, restore and relax.

I was told that the pausing between reps of exercises or the resting poses of yoga are equally important as the exercise itself. During the rest phase, our muscles get a chance to expand and grow larger.

Then we go back and repeat the exercise. And the rest.

For people like me who are our most severe critics it is tempting, especially when feeling low or sad, to judge this essential period of rest as inadequacy or laziness.

It takes incredible courage to speak out and break through the ignorance and denial. Hey, even God got a day off!

In case you don't already know it, I want to say that you are a wonderful examp;e of what a man can be.

You make a difference in my life and I am grateful for your presence here.

Now go get some rest--there'll be coffee to be drunk tomorrow morning.

Take care, my friend, your odyssey will go on. Glad to share this part of it with you.

 

[Wuamei]

Joe all we can do is all we can do. Do what we're ready to do when we're ready to do it. Usually we are doing more than we think we are anyway. We male survivors tend to look down on ourselves.

I felt this evening like I had set myself a timetable and was already falling behind.

Joe I feel like that a lot of the time. It's called impatience.

May we all take our time & take it easy on ourselves.

Victor

 

[outis]

Danny,

You are doing it my friend. You are making it easier for a boy to recognize abuse. Every time you post, reply and offer comfort and strength to a fellow survivor you are doing an invaluable service for those boys.

You do have a gift for communicating insight. I can clearly see how you and everyone else here do make a difference by being here and working.

I just have a harder time accepting that as my own current contribution. Then I read something like:

I've got to say how much your thoughtful support has helped me. Without that support I know I would have not been able to stay here and grow.

and I think I'm on the right track, even if the train's just starting to pick up speed. Thank you.

For people like me who are our most severe critics it is tempting, especially when feeling low or sad, to judge this essential period of rest as inadequacy or laziness.

Victor, I do judge myself harshly, much as Danny described in the quote above. But you got right to the true nature of my problem:

Joe I feel like that a lot of the time. It's called impatience.

Impatience. God, grant me patience. Now!

Guys, thanks a lot. Between my wife's birthday, her surgery, Father's Day, and I forget what else, I haven't been to an Al Anon or SIA meeting in about a month. But school's out, and this weekend I don't have a pressing family commitment, so I'll get a chance to talk face to face again. Still, I feel like I've done a lot this week, usually in the mornings before my coffee. Speaking of which, ...


TTYL,

Joe

 

[Sleepy]

This seems like it came along just at the right time for me. When talking about a rest, well, it appears like I'm taking a rest from therapy at the moment.

About 6 weeks ago I stopped seeing my regualar T. She was definitly good but I felt like we we were not making good progress. She was also 100 miles away and the combination of the two made me want to stop going. So I started seeing a local p-doc on a weekly basis. No doubt, he had been the best person I've seen to date. Unfortunatly last week he told me that he's taking a two month medical leave and we ceased therapy. He refered me to the only other male T in my small town in Northern Arizona. Unfotunatly he's not taking patients at the moment. So here I am without a therapist.

By pure grace, I think things were suppose to be like this (At least I hope things were suppose to work out like this). It's almost like a signal for me to move on with myself. After college I never wanted to move back home with my parents but maybe now is the time. I do feel fairly good about myself.

I don't know what I'll do, but it is a little funny how things work out sometimes. I'd like to think that things happen for a reason. So we'll just see what happens.
Mike