I know that feeling - I know it well (I shamed myself for years because of the abuse of my past) - I hope that you are able to see though that it's a feeling that is false - that it is a feeling that is directly linked to the abuse - that it would never be within you if not for the abuse of your motherNow I feel I must pay and shame myself somehow.
I'm proud of you too (I know you are asking yourself "how could this guy who does'nt even know me be proud of me?" - well... I am... because I know from firsthand experience just how hard it is to stop doing some of the negative behaviors that abuse can make us do)I came close...but I didn't give in! I'm proud of myself actually.