Oversharing?

I was at my 12-step group last night. In our "Share Group" we went pretty deep, talking about past wounds and how they shaped us.

I may have over shared. Not for their sake, but for mine. I came out of the meeting feeling very raw! Even today, 12 hours later, I still feel raw.

Perhaps it was healthy: letting out the pain, feeling it a bit more, so the wound can be further healed.

Still sucks :(
 
I'm sorry you feel like that. I'm very new to this, but I know when I have done therapy for other things and even since starting this expressing the deep things feel so rough. The thing is, I'm glad you did for you and it made you grow and release. Do think of something though--there may have been another guy there that needed to hear a word or phrase or story your said and it clicked or was important to him that might have changed his life. So yes, you did it for yourself--but you might have helped another person too.
 
Hi Kal

It shows how courageous and dedicated you are to your healing journey. I am sorry you are still feeling raw. I think getting it out is a good thing, I struggle to let any of it out face to face. So I am proud of you and I feel the rawness of it will subside and you will feel better in the long run.

Thanks for sharing
 
Certainly one of the best things you could do in this situation is exactly what you did do... you shared it with us so you don't have to carry it by yourself. That is how we've lived most of our lives but we understand now that sharing is a way of discharging what is most difficult. We stumble in different ways all the time. It makes sense since we're learning a new way of being in the world, of inhabiting our bodies and minds. It is a bit like exercising... building strength in muscles that haven't been used. There is some pain involved. You're doing wonderful work Kal. And we have your back... always.
 
may have over shared. Not for their sake, but for mine. I came out of the meeting feeling very raw! Even today, 12 hours later, I still feel raw.

Perhaps it was healthy: letting out the pain, feeling it a bit more, so the wound can be further healed.
Hey NC,

I know that I am one of fresh kids on the block and have a long way to go still yet, which is fine. I am going to answer this by telling you something I experienced not that long ago. My therapy team are are a highly specialized bunch, so it was not like you could walk through the door to have a session, I mean they know why you are there. For the fist several sessions I did not say a word in my Psychologist's office and she would sit patiently and read. Finally one day, she snapped her book closed, looked me right in the eyes and said, "It's very simple, it's got to come out sometime, why don't be begin that time now?" It startled me but it got me to talking, and so down this path I started. I think what she said was perfect for your situation as well. I will make sure she never knows so she doesn't try to bill you.

Deeply Respectful,
jrperkey010101
 
Perhaps it was healthy: letting out the pain, feeling it a bit more, so the wound can be further healed.
As someone who has, on occasion, found himself "oversharing" in a group context, I think this is indeed the way to think about it.

I know Freud is extremely unfashionable these days, but at the same time I think he was very much on to something in recognizing that so many symptoms of mental illness (short of psychosis) are in fact kind of metaphorical expressions of buried memories or experiences. The way you treat the disease, then, is to root out the buried things that provoke the symptoms. This involves re-experiencing the trauma, or maybe even fully experiencing it for the first time, really getting in there and having the feelings your mind was trying to protect you from having. My experience has definitely been that yes, the catharsis sucks -- but once it's happened, new possibilities for change start opening up. Fortunately a 12-step group is a reasonably safe place to let that kind of thing out. My guess is that your fellow group members respect your honesty. It's also a real testament to the quality of the group and the power of the fellowship you've created that you were able to go to such a deep place in their company.
 

Dan99

Registrant
Hi NC,
I've done this before and I know that queasy feeling. Ugh.
I have one hopeful thing to add, though. It never lasts. People who don't need the info I shared forget, even if they were upset or shocked or whatever. But the people who can use it themselves or will use it to help me...it sticks where it's needed.
Hope that's the case with you too.
 

KMCINVA

Registrant
NC

It sounds to me you shared with people who understand your abuse, struggle and desire to heal. You did not share with people who tried to use your story to hurt or deny your abuse. I overshared with people who could not understand, and boy did they hurt me and share with those with heart and understanding. In support you find the latter group of people.

Kevin
 
As survivors one of the things we do is overshare without thinking. It can make you feel raw but only because I believe we still think someplace inside us we did something wrong, or we broke a promise to never tell.

Also, those feeling bottled up inside with what happened and how it happened have to leave our body the same way they come in, through our skin and nervous system.

I'm not afraid to tell people what happened anymore but I only answer to the depth of their questions because it's not me that will be bothered by the answer.

It is good to let it out to people who can receive it and show compassion for the human suffering.
 
I marvel at the wisdom that comes out from everyone. It’s hard to add something to what has already been said.

Reliving, feeling those feelings again and again, seeing the images before our eyes.... it’s hell. But as @F.A. said, it’s the only way. @copernicus also hit the nail on the head, that the symptoms we experience now, can only be healed by digging through the dirt and finding the decomposing, rotting slime and removing it.

Doing so leaves us raw. It’s being vulnerable. Vulnerability is a frightening thing. It’s a risk. And for us, it’s so much more of a risk because we were vulnerable when the abuse happened, and instead of being protected, were abused. But we need to take the risk, so that we can experience the good thing: comfort and safety.

good job Kal!
We’re here with you
 

BDD

Registrant
Kal,

Thank you for bring this up. I thought I overshared last week, then I got down on myself for fidgeting while I did it. I am in an accountability support group. The members reasons range from business, recreation or like myself, personal growth. I am there to stay on task with my intimacy and food aversion issues.

It was only our second meeting and I was asked if I knew the cause. I could have answer a number of ways
1. "Yes" and just change the subject
2. "Yes, but I am not ready to disclose it"
3. "Not sure" (LIE!)
Or decide right then that I was going in 100% or not at all. "Yes, it originated when I was assaulted at 5. There was subsequent trauma that reinforced it...". Not a lot of detail, just that people wanted to shove things in my mouth. Strange, during it I was pissed at myself for being so figity. I didn't sound brave owning my shit. I was squeaking out the truth, the whole time fighting the urge to direct the FaceTime phone away from me.

Afterward I wondered if I overshared. But decided I didn't care if I did. My issues are a direct result of sexual abuse, pretending otherwise won't help. Nor will making them more palatable do anyone any good.

Then I felt that raw you mentioned, almost like I stood there naked.
 

SoulonIce

New Registrant
I totally understand that feeling... I'm new to opening up to more people.. Its very scary and it feels like I'm opening up wounds for someone to put a knife in ..but its good that you opened up ..holding in the pain is a god awful thing ..it scars you inside it jabs your scars and rips them open.. Just know that you may feel raw and it may be uncomfy but you are letting your pain out in a healthy way!
 
I'm opening up wounds for someone to put a knife in
I get your point. But for me, it usually feels like salt. A knife would just about be pleasant. But in the end, what's important is the fact that it's part of the healing process, and in a very healthy way. You put that very well.
 

manipulated

Moderator
Staff member
Kal,
Could it be necessity sharing instead of over sharing? The necessity being you can’t move beyond and get nearer to thriving and further from merely surviving with it still bottled inside?

You are absolutely accurate that converting what needs to be truth stated from hidden fiction leaves one raw- for me it is a combination of gutted fish and naked specimen on a turntable at the auction before the gavel goes down - and then it morphs into fear that the gavel will be other people’s judgement on my past. HORRIBLE FEELING but so necessary to forward progress... instead of over sharing it sounds like tremendous leap forward!
 
Kal,
Could it be necessity sharing instead of over sharing? The necessity being you can’t move beyond and get nearer to thriving and further from merely surviving with it still bottled inside?

You are absolutely accurate that converting what needs to be truth stated from hidden fiction leaves one raw- for me it is a combination of gutted fish and naked specimen on a turntable at the auction before the gavel goes down - and then it morphs into fear that the gavel will be other people’s judgement on my past. HORRIBLE FEELING but so necessary to forward progress... instead of over sharing it sounds like tremendous leap forward!
It felt like I NEEDED to share what I shared. It was my Truth, however difficult to share, however difficult to hear.
 
I was at my 12-step group last night. In our "Share Group" we went pretty deep, talking about past wounds and how they shaped us.

I may have over shared. Not for their sake, but for mine. I came out of the meeting feeling very raw! Even today, 12 hours later, I still feel raw.

Perhaps it was healthy: letting out the pain, feeling it a bit more, so the wound can be further healed.

Still sucks :(
I’m glad you could share. The specifics I’ve never shared with anyone. Just that it happened. I still try to hide if my wife or T asks specifics. I’m terrified to speak about what happened to me. I hope to someday be able to share at all. I can completely understand the rawness, I get that thinking about it. I pray that it gets better for you
 
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