outliveing childhood friends and all that
reality2k4
Registrant
This is a ramble, and maybe T,
2004 was possibly the worst year of my life, so many bad things happened to myself and to my friends who I care so deeply about.
I lost a close friend who I had known since 17 yo, I learned only yesterday that another friend who I knew from age 8 died tragically of a heart attack after having his leg amputated sometime in 2004.
He lived around the block from me, he was a kid who never told anything but lies, not really a match for me, as I dislike liars, but I remember being pretty much always with him as a friend.
His death triggered a lot of feelings in me, feelings of nostalgia, but a lot of my childhood is missing and maybe it can bring back some of the missing pieces of the past.
The significance of this friend holds key issues in me, I was abused at 11yo, I remember this perv used to follow us and always turn up offering gifts and things if we come around to his house. I warned my friend to stay away from him, but I always remember one thing that he did that really broke us apart. He masturbated this man on the side of a riverbank.
I tormented him about it, and he told everybody that it was me who did this deed, his lying destroyed our friendship good style, he met this other kid who was also a friend of mine, he destroyed whatever friendship I had with this kid just to get his way.
These two friends became thieves and never really worked for their keep, so maybe it was good riddance to them both.
Funny thing is that I always seemed to bump into them both and maybe have a drink with them, but I certainly did not envy the life they chose to live. I think maybe we could never be really true friends again, because it takes so many things to be really good friends, and anyone who reverses the facts and did not face up to what they did could never be a friend.
I thrashed that one out until I went blue in the face!!!
The real point of the story is that the perv really wanted me; he haunted me for years until I confronted him one day, it took a lot of nerve for a kid, but I threatened to tell the police that he was a molester. I never saw him again..
I felt so vulnerable and angry with myself for not telling, but I know that mentally I could not have gone through with telling them, he convinced me that they would believe him and not me, I could not fault the adult logic, but I really wish I could have done it to save other kids from him.
He never touched me, but he tried so hard to get me, I reckoned that the police would never believe me, because my kiddie logic told me that the police would think I was just a dirty little boy who looked for these pervs, nobody is going to believe a kid who has already reported abuse, surely they would blame me for attracting it..
A point I am trying to make here is, how things affect our lives through no fault of our own, a child put through misery by someone who should have been reported, if I knew what I know now, the bastard would have been locked up.
Then again, kids don?t tell, and it fucked up my childhood friendships no end.
I hope he is just keeping the fires going in HELL, hell, he may still be alive, maybe nobody told, why should I carry this guilt, but it is us who are given this burden and not them.
I always think that, what goes around comes around; I hope I am right for once!
ste
2004 was possibly the worst year of my life, so many bad things happened to myself and to my friends who I care so deeply about.
I lost a close friend who I had known since 17 yo, I learned only yesterday that another friend who I knew from age 8 died tragically of a heart attack after having his leg amputated sometime in 2004.
He lived around the block from me, he was a kid who never told anything but lies, not really a match for me, as I dislike liars, but I remember being pretty much always with him as a friend.
His death triggered a lot of feelings in me, feelings of nostalgia, but a lot of my childhood is missing and maybe it can bring back some of the missing pieces of the past.
The significance of this friend holds key issues in me, I was abused at 11yo, I remember this perv used to follow us and always turn up offering gifts and things if we come around to his house. I warned my friend to stay away from him, but I always remember one thing that he did that really broke us apart. He masturbated this man on the side of a riverbank.
I tormented him about it, and he told everybody that it was me who did this deed, his lying destroyed our friendship good style, he met this other kid who was also a friend of mine, he destroyed whatever friendship I had with this kid just to get his way.
These two friends became thieves and never really worked for their keep, so maybe it was good riddance to them both.
Funny thing is that I always seemed to bump into them both and maybe have a drink with them, but I certainly did not envy the life they chose to live. I think maybe we could never be really true friends again, because it takes so many things to be really good friends, and anyone who reverses the facts and did not face up to what they did could never be a friend.
I thrashed that one out until I went blue in the face!!!
The real point of the story is that the perv really wanted me; he haunted me for years until I confronted him one day, it took a lot of nerve for a kid, but I threatened to tell the police that he was a molester. I never saw him again..
I felt so vulnerable and angry with myself for not telling, but I know that mentally I could not have gone through with telling them, he convinced me that they would believe him and not me, I could not fault the adult logic, but I really wish I could have done it to save other kids from him.
He never touched me, but he tried so hard to get me, I reckoned that the police would never believe me, because my kiddie logic told me that the police would think I was just a dirty little boy who looked for these pervs, nobody is going to believe a kid who has already reported abuse, surely they would blame me for attracting it..
A point I am trying to make here is, how things affect our lives through no fault of our own, a child put through misery by someone who should have been reported, if I knew what I know now, the bastard would have been locked up.
Then again, kids don?t tell, and it fucked up my childhood friendships no end.
I hope he is just keeping the fires going in HELL, hell, he may still be alive, maybe nobody told, why should I carry this guilt, but it is us who are given this burden and not them.
I always think that, what goes around comes around; I hope I am right for once!
ste