Our Untouchable SOULS

Our Untouchable SOULS
M

Muldoon

Registrant
REPOSTING this because of this from shadowkid


he broke my mind and he still has the key to my soul .
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I know in the past that I have agreed with many here who have said our souls have been murdered or stolen by the abuse done to us. I have even wrote about it when we where lobbying at the State capital for changes in the statutes of limitation a few years ago.

However after a long discussion this last week with Ray my T in KY I dont know for sure what to think. He say that no matter at what age it started, how bad it was or how long it lasted our souls where untouched by the abuse. Our souls are so deep within us that the abuse did not affect that part of our being.

What do you guys think????? Tom
 
Hi Muldoon,

I dont have any sense of a soul in the spiritual sense, but I do and always have had a sense that my essential self, the genetic givens or whatever we are born with remains somehow intact. I have an image of my real self as covered up by the ugly crust of abuse. The recovery from this stuff is for me about revealing the real self that gets smothered by what happened. When I have felt how deep this goes it does feel like a wound in the heart, that it ruined me in some essential way and yet I feel that somehow the real me is still there. My abuse started very young so I cant compare a before and after. I once believed that my depression was an ingrained personality trait that I always had and always would have, but I am out of most of that and other feelings and behaviours that I thought were me, have changed too.

Maybe I wont allow myself to feel that victimised, but I do feel that the essential real me was covered up and split off but untouched by the abuse.

Rustam.
 
You're right. Maybe we should call it attempted-murder of the soul. Or maybe it's what we choose to do with our lives afterwards. It does take a toll like no other. Like our power sources were depleted, and it takes a long time to get that power back. Even now the lights dim occasionally, and I have to go stand in the sun (figuratively) to recharge. Come to think of it, I have a lizard like that, too.
 
Muldoon,
Thank you for starting this thread. Unlike your T, I do believe our souls have been touched by the abuse. I don't believe our souls are static things that remain unchanged from experience and circumstance. I think murdered and stolen might be strong words, but at the very least the abuse may have cowered our souls, made them stronger, uncaring, sympathetic, certainly different than what they were, although not necessarily better or worse. Peace, Andrew
 
I am not sure about souls and all of that spiritual stuff. Yes I believe in the spirit, but proof is hard to come by. But I can feel very strongly a part of my being that remained untouched by the abuse. It has been that part of myself that has gotten me thru many of the more difficult trials in this life. I think that some people call it the inner child. I dont really know if it actually goes untouched. In some people it may be seriously damaged and in others it may be strengthened by the same type of traumas.

Recent scientific studies have indicated that there may actually be a gene for spirituality. This might explain why we react so differently to the same stimuli.

Wish I could give a conclusive answer to this question but far wiser men than I have spent their whole lives studying this subject and failed to come up with concrete solutions.

Aden
 
Tom.

Wonderful thread.

As my T said last week, "I have a good soul. They have violated my body, but they couldn't touch my soul."

That they can't do. It may be buried a little, but it remains there untouched. We may need a little digging to uncover it, but it is there untouched.

Take care,
Bill
 
Well I don't know about "souls" but I do thing that my tag line sums up what I feel regarding this subject.

From Switchfoot "Meant to Live"
"We were meant to live for so much more, but we lost ourselves. Somewhere we live inside"
 
i equate the soul with innocence and reverential awe. i that sense, the abuse did impact the soul, for it was an attempt to destroy that innocence and awe. however, i have found that even though my soul was impacted, i still have it. they did not destroy me, but they did put my development in temporary stasis. now, it is alive again, and it will thrive, as we all will.
 
Man what words have come forward from you, Too moved right how to reply. Have to print this out and read it away from the computer. Later TOM
 
I think it did mess with my 'soul' even though I'm not 100% sure of the meaning. It is a part of me and I will never be able to get rid of it. I can learn to deal with it, but it will always be there. I can learn to funcion more normally but it will still be there. I don't know why she chose me, why she did it, why I didn't do something about it even though I was young. But that will haunt me for a long time.

Jon
 
Originally posted by Morning Star:
When the sun is shrouded behind the clouds, do we ever say that the sun has been damaged?

How can pure light be ever damaged?
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I don't feel that way though, I feel like the moon...and I've been beatin and scared by asteroids

Jon
 
Tom - was your T ever abused? If not how on earth would he know?

If our souls are that part of us that is so deep within us, then maybe it was my soul that buried all that crap and kept it away from my mind until I could deal with it. My soul has always been resilient, I just never knew it - now it has come out fighting and does not know how to loose! It still gets kicked, but I am currently wearing it on the surface.

My abuser knows it & so do some of the petty authoritarians within the company that I work for.

My soul used to hide, now it's wearing boots!

Best wishes ..Rik
 
Tom, hey they stole our inner soul, maybe they did ,or did they?

I spent so many years helping my inner child, I made up my mind that he would never steal what I was left with.

Ste
 
Tom - was your T ever abused? If not how on earth would he know?
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Ric the anserwer is yes he was at 14YO.

I going to spent some time reading over your words this week end and will repply to every one Sunday. Thanks
 
I think our soul is not able to be ruined. No one have that kind of power.

I think it is like a beautiful sculptuer, that has fallen on the floor and broke. It take time, it take work and patience, but it can be put back together with glue. There will be parts of it that still are maybe more weaker, more fragile, then other parts. And if you look at it very close, you will maybe see the cracks, you will maybe see how it is put back together. But if you step back a few feet, it looks just as beautiful and just as perfect as always it did. The beauty is in the art. Not in the construct of it. Same is true of us. The beauty is in the soul. The cracks and damages can not darken the soul. It is only when we allow them that power that they can do that at all.

Andrei
 
Muldoon, I haven't read any of the other posts on this one. I don't want to be influenced. I don't want to engage in semantics, but there is a part of me....a very deep part. My child lives there now. He's safe there. That's where he went to live when everywhere else was too frightening. It is the deepest part of me. It's where I go when I need to find him. To talk. He cannot stay there. He has to come out and join me in this life...otherwise, I have learned nothing here. This part of me just might be my soul.

But you know, Muldoon, I don't think my soul has been damaged by all of this. My soul has been kind and loving to a child that the world chose to throw away. My soul opened up and took my child in. My soul protected me. The horrible trauma...the horrible realization...the terror and sadness of dealing with my abuse would come. AT some point it had to come. At some point I had to be devastated by the things that had been done to me. My soul was patient and held me close until the time that all of that poison would pour into my consciousness.

It is still patient as I try gently to pull my child out into the world, cold as it may be. Each day he comes out a little farther, and eventually I hope, will trust me enough to join me for whatever is left for us here in this world.

I will never, ever say that good came from this SA. Never.

I will, however say what I have said many times that the men who have survived SA are the strongest, kindest, most compassionate men I have ever known. Intense suffering will do that...it will put you in touch with the suffering of others in a very real way.

Likewise, I believe that I have been more in touch with my inner self..my soul? (especially lately) as I have unerstood my SA and the role my soul has had in keeping me alive all those years. Call it faith, call it God, call it what you will, it is with me and I feel it so very strongly supporting me. It participates not at all in all of this. The pain, the loss, the discovery are mine to deal with as I will. But in many ways I feel surrounded by it as I cry and as I rage and as I mourn the loss of the life I should have led.

If my soul has been changed by all of this, it is in the same way that I see all of myself changed. I recognize this horrible suffering in myself now and in turn have come to recognize it in others. And God help me if I ever ignore another's suffering for as long as I have left to live.
 
there are times when I feel totally soulless, with no remainder after all that has happened in the past. But I know, logically, that can not be true. No one with a soul can love, can continue on with life after the worst of difficulties, without a soul. A soul equals a survivor. I think there is no 'survivor' without a soul. Damaged maybe. Darkened, no. Maybe scarred, maybe bruised. But never broken.

Leosha
 
Muldoon,

I have read, and reread your Post over the past couple of days, thinking and considering what you requested.
I am no expert in things theological, though I lean heavily towards an 'Earth-Based/Gia' principle.
Before reading the many good replies, I felt certain that the Soul can and does feel impacted by what happens to us in this Life.
Then I read 'Morning Star's' perspective about how the Soul is like the Sun, and can only be covered-up by clouds, but not tainted by the process.
Now, I'm not so sure.
I feel like my Soul is striated with different hues of pain/abuse/misery, highlighted with the fleeting moments of time when things seemed alright with the world and I knew happiness.

I appreciate your putting to words something that has caused me to seek further into my own Spirit.

I hope that your Journey is a Healing one.

Whicker
 
This discussion for me gets to the core of my healing and recovery. Without some faith in some part of me that has remained whole, I don't know if I could have continued on this journey. Perhaps it is that stubborn, unyielding soul that will not allow the awful parts of life to go unnoticed-perhaps that is conscience, I am not certain, certainly it has also caused me great pain when I went to blame myself.

Last week, I was having a difficult time. I asked someone I barely knew to hug me. He did and then I explained what was going on and that I felt disconnected. He said that the Universe hates a vacuum-in other words it is always looking to have us be connected-and perhaps that is where we find that soul-when we are connected, when we feel a part, when we know we are important and loved.

I do believe that there is a part of us that remains whole, no matter what. When we feel safe enough to allow it -as Mariane Willimason said-Our Greatest Fear.....is to allow our light to shine...

ah, well, I digress. I know we can continue to feel love and loved. Perhaps that is enough in itself.
 
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