Opening a can of worms?

Opening a can of worms?
B

beautifuldisaster

Registrant
As he is wading through this, one subject stays on my mind. His family. Of course his being a very private person I know he will not be one to share his story with anyone he knows.
His family is wonderful. His Dad passed a few years ago. He is close to his brothers. And his Mom and I are far closer than my Mom and myself. He was the baby, and was/is the apple of his Mother's eye.
When he confided in me, he said that I was the only one he has ever told, that he never even told his Mom.
His perp was his oldest brother by about 7 years. He was 5 when this occcured.
Of all the brothers, this is the only one that doesnt keep a job, a place to live and is in jail for drugs off and on.
His Mom knows my husband is seething with anger (of course the reason why is misdirected).

I just wonder if there is ever a reason to tell her. Are there benefits?
I dont know if this will ever come up for him...and it is his choice of course. I just wonder if from experience how this would/might play out.

I would like to be prepared for him to talk about it if it does.

Thanks and
God Bless
 
There might be benefits to his telling his mom, but there are also benefits to keeping it private.

I was alot closer to my in-laws than my own parents. My Father-in-law was my best friend and mentor. He looked at me one day and out of the blue said "I don't know what your parents did, and I don't want to know. Just know you're welcome here in our family."

We never talked about it again except for him to tease me a little about my hat size getting smaller (from seeing a shrink :) )

It was nice having someone care about me that never wanted to hear about my past - I can't explian why, but it sure felt comfortable around him.
 
You sould read some of the stuff on the resorces page. Ken has written a great one on about disclosing your abuse and all. Some times getting it out of the dark is enough, sometimes it makes things worst. It's something he would have to make a choice on when and if he wants to tell his mom about how one of her children did this to another one of her children.

I am also closer to my in-laws, well ex now. But when I got divorced my mother in law called me told me no matter what I will always be her son. It had been a very long time since I cried that hard. She's my Mom peroid. In fact I joke with her kids telling them I am her fav. LOL.

James
 
Thank you both very much. I guess he will just weigh out the pros and cons. Somehow I can be very sure that he will never tell her. He has absorbed and lived with it for almost 29 years. I doubt he would want her to live the rest of her life with that knowledge.
 
Beautifuldisaster,

I was very interested in this. At first I thought you were talking about you telling his mom. Sorry for that.

My boyfriend has some of the same issues, I think. He loves his mom and doesn't want anything to hurt her. His dad and his brother and sisters are another story.

I don't know about the right way to do this. But I do know I would like to show up at their house one day and yell out "Do you know what has happened to him?"

Thanks for bringing this up. Another question answered.

Ian
 
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