One of the big questions WHY?

[noloveinfear]

I am new here in posting but have been coming for a while. I think maybe everyone who has been through something that has led them here has asked the question why? Why did these things happen to us? I know for my self this question has haunted me for about 15 years. I just was wondering if anyone has found an answer and felt satisfied with it. For those who have not found an answer yet, like myself, what do you think? When I asked my abuser (my sister) the why question she does not know the answer. Obviously this is a very complex question that doesnt always have a clear answer, but I just was wondering if anyone here had some input on it. I know this is hard but thanks for listening!

Andrew

 

[Dewey2k]

I've thought about this over the short amount of time I've been working on my SA issues, and as unsatisfactory as it is, the only thing I can do is accept that it happened, and there is no why.

I was in the wrong place at the wrong time with people who had no idea they were sending me with a perp.

It happened. There is no reason why. Not for me.

 

[Grobut]

For me it was a simple matter of Motive meeting oppertunity.

My perp was a classic pedophile, sought out jobs where he had authority over children, and with me he saw a chance to get me in a room alone behind a locked door, i dont really put anymore into it than that, if it hadn't been me it had been someone else.. and most certainly also was unfortunately.

 

[roadrunner]

Andrew,

We all address the "why me" question at some point, and from childhood we sometimes figure we already have an answer. We are afraid it was our fault, our perps tell us we liked it, we feel ashamed and worthless.

Those are feelings, but they are not the answer. Nor, in my opinion, is it a healthy thing to reason that other things that happened to us made us "magnets" for abusers. For me, that is just a different way of saying I deserved it.

My answer to you is also: There is no "why". Perps are creatures of opportunity; they pounce because a victim is available, not because of anything about that victim in particular.

But let's not stop there. The other side of all this is a LOT clearer Andrew. You didn't deserve what happened. It wasn't your fault and it can never be the child's fault. In what happened to you there is shame beyond imagining; but none of it is yours. You were an innocent kid and whother it was who hurt you should have left you alone. Whatever fault or blame or shame or feelings of worthlessness there are in your case, let them all go where they belong. To your abuser.

Take care,
Larry